Silly question about routine

[Duggeehugs82]

We r spending Christmas just us as family 4 of us husband with 2 children 22 months and nearly 4 year old (who has autism, non verbal, maybe relevant). We have a very set rountie for evening, dinner at 6 bathtime/bed at 7, before christmases we have left a little later on Christmas day, say to come home at like 8 instead of bedtime at 7 . I feel like i dont want to just do same routine bath/bed at 7 like evry other day. We do it mainly for our older daughter due to her suiting knowing whats happening. But wondered if anyone sticks to same timings for bedtime etc over christmas and especially SN parents.

I think it's totally up to you, based on what you'll gain from the change versus how much discomfort all round it would cause. How's it gone when you've changed it on previous Christmases?

When the dc were little we tried to stick to some kind of routine, both have ASD and dd2 has a very strict routine (same bed time, same dinner time etc...). Not they are older I can change the routine slightly as long as I prepare dd2, I usually give her a list of what’s happening and at what time, this includes a time for breakfast, lunch and dinner, last year it worked really well and I actually got a lie in for the first time ever because we had a set time for opening presents 🤣. People may think the way we do it is odd but it’s what works for us, we also now spend every Christmas at home as they found visiting relatives too stressful, being at home means the day can be as structured as possible, they can do what they like, eat what they like and hide in their rooms when everything gets too much.

@Butterymuffin

I think it's totally up to you, based on what you'll gain from the change versus how much discomfort all round it would cause. How's it gone when you've changed it on previous Christmases?

My daughter was actually fine , she is actually better at changed in routine than me! I think my younger one might struggle as she does get tired at that time. The thing is there isnt any point doing them separately as we both have to be with older daughter (take it in shifts) im just bit worried that christmas day will just feel like every other day due to our very strict routine in evening. Also there is no guarantee my older daughter will go sleep relatively early so one of us will be with her till possibly 10, so not really have the night together.

Also we havent been home before so we would leave our families house at around 8 and they/older daughter would sleep in car on way home and then we would transfer, then have evening together.

@Lovemusic33

When the dc were little we tried to stick to some kind of routine, both have ASD and dd2 has a very strict routine (same bed time, same dinner time etc...). Not they are older I can change the routine slightly as long as I prepare dd2, I usually give her a list of what’s happening and at what time, this includes a time for breakfast, lunch and dinner, last year it worked really well and I actually got a lie in for the first time ever because we had a set time for opening presents 🤣. People may think the way we do it is odd but it’s what works for us, we also now spend every Christmas at home as they found visiting relatives too stressful, being at home means the day can be as structured as possible, they can do what they like, eat what they like and hide in their rooms when everything gets too much.

Thank u for reply, yes definitely has its benefits of being at home, our daughter has no idea about Christmas and what will happen and wouldnt be able to explain. She was only diagnosed a year ago this week, and im still coming to terms with just not having the typical family christmas the build up, the excitement of opening presents etc.

I know im overthinking this but i guess it means a lot to me because i havent got the excitement of my older daughter being excited or knowing she will have fun day. She will probably find it too much and have meltdown (we will obviously try and do everything we can to try and provent her being overwhelmed.) I just want it to feel like a different day, going to families houses always automatically felt different becuase we was somewhere different

It will get easier as she gets older, we had some awful Christmas’s mainly because I had ideas in my mind of what Christmas should be like, it took me a while to realise that Christmas was never going to be how I pictured it to be. Dd2 didn’t really understand Christmas until she was 6/7 then she became terrified of the thought of a bearded man coming into our house. She’s now 14 and the past 2 Christmas’s have been the best because we have learnt to adapt it to her needs, we just go with the flow but have a written list of what we are doing and when. We don’t do Father Christmas (because he’s too scary) so all presents are from me, most of them she has chosen as she’s not keen on surprises.

I guess u can hope as the years go on ill get a better idea, its so hard becuase she is non verbal so have no idea about anything, she has very little understanding in general so apart from the odd words like food or shoes, she doesnt understand. She also doesnt play normally just runs up and down living room and climbs on furniture, will walk around holding or eating toys. Ive brought her a few baby toys as she seems bettr with them. Just feeling really sad about it all. I want it to be special day, just have a feeling it wont be.

My dd was the same, she was non verbal until she was 5 but communication has always been a huge issue, she talks a lot now but mainly to herself, she understands a lot more than I thought despite looking like she’s taking nothing in. She will eventually understand Christmas it just takes our children a lot longer. Christmas’s will get easier and what may not feel normal now will become your normal in the coming years.

My son has autism, he's 15 and doesn't cope well at all with change. He used to get stressed and overwhelmed and didn't really eat much. We now just stick to his normal routine, we eat Christmas lunch at 6.30pm which is around our usual dinner time and means he eats it just fine rather than picking at it, we have a quiet day just the 2 of us and he can really enjoy the day and enjoy his presents. We see family before and after Christmas and not on Christmas Day. It was hard when my son was younger and some years I didn't even get to sit and enjoy lunch due to meltdowns. I've just accepted that even though it's Christmas day, his routine is still important to him. It might sound boring to some, but I like our day just me and him and he shows me all his new games and what they do etc!

We are generally always at home for Christmas. It never feels like a normal day. There's the food and the gifts and the games. However we do stick to a fairly rigid routine as it suits myself and my DS best (both autistic). When younger if I didn't want to spend the whole evening upstairs with him I would let him fall asleep on the sofa with me. As long as bath/pjs and story happened at the same time it worked well.

Could you take a drive around to look at the Christmas lights around bedtime and then transfer both sleeping children? Just thought it might give you a better chance at an evening together and be something different.

For my ds, a slow predictable build up is important. That’s easier obvious with a verbal dc who has memories and experience. Does your daughter have a picture schedule or anything to help predict how her day goes? It takes a while to learn what works and what’s important. You probably need to cut yourself some slack this Christmas and accept that it’s about figuring that out.

Keeping to the normal daily routines might be the scaffold that makes the other changes in the day feel exciting instead of scary.

With or without SN, keeping dc from getting too tired, too hungry or too wound up is generally the key to an “easy” day.

It might be an idea to focus on some things that mean Christmas to you - particular foods or a little bubbly with breakfast or whatever gives you that special festive feeling. The key is to pick some things that you have control over, that don’t depend on the dc behaving a particular way.

One of the hardest parts of parenting dc with SN is letting go of your own expectations of how days like Christmas should go and other landmark moments in childhood.

@BerthaBlythe

For my ds, a slow predictable build up is important. That’s easier obvious with a verbal dc who has memories and experience. Does your daughter have a picture schedule or anything to help predict how her day goes? It takes a while to learn what works and what’s important. You probably need to cut yourself some slack this Christmas and accept that it’s about figuring that out.

Keeping to the normal daily routines might be the scaffold that makes the other changes in the day feel exciting instead of scary.

With or without SN, keeping dc from getting too tired, too hungry or too wound up is generally the key to an “easy” day.

It might be an idea to focus on some things that mean Christmas to you - particular foods or a little bubbly with breakfast or whatever gives you that special festive feeling. The key is to pick some things that you have control over, that don’t depend on the dc behaving a particular way.

One of the hardest parts of parenting dc with SN is letting go of your own expectations of how days like Christmas should go and other landmark moments in childhood.

Thank u for ur reply, i like the bit about focusing on things i like which are christmassy, to be fair my daughter will not be intrested more than likely just be running up and down like she does, she has got a climbing frame from Christmas so hopefully be intrested in that. And then it will just be able 21 month old having presents. We will see