Ideas that aren’t too clingy!

[Whycantibeapuppy]

Okay backstory, I have BPD and a whole host of other mental health issues that make me overthink, stress and panic and also overly clingy to the point of being desperate with friends. I know it’s an issue and it’s one I’m working hard on but not so easy to change your broken brain quickly!

I worked with this girl 7 years ago. Haven’t seen her since and barely spoke until lockdown. I struggled so badly and put up a sad and low post on social media. She messaged to make sure I was okay and since then she really has been my rock. I’d like to think I’ve been hers too as she has been shielding and suffers some similar mental health issues as I do. She’s been my sunshine and is always there for me, checking up on me and just making me laugh, boosting my mood and self esteem and it’s my daily promise to do the same in return. We gel so well.

The point of this post is I’d like to get her a really meaningful gift but don’t want it to be ‘too much’ and don’t want it to be overbearing or her to feel she needs to reciprocate because she doesn’t! I am so grateful to her and she probably saved my life the last few months.

She’s mid twenties, financially sound, own home, lovely partner, gorgeous toddler. I can’t do trips out because of Covid and her shielding so what can I get her?? Help! This has been driving me mad because I want it to be special. Thanks in advance.

It’s great you have been there for each other
What sort of budget are you thinking?

Only because of the way you said you can be (perceived as) clingy/desperate for friends, I'd suggest not stressing to much about it wanting to be "special". As I'd worry it might accidentally send you down that path.

I'd probably do something like a nice bottle wine and a book you think she'd enjoy - or a puzzle of something you know she likes. Something relatively simple, but shows thoughtfulness. Or could do a voucher for you both to do afternoon tea - for once she's not shielding.

I should have mentioned we now live in different countries so something together is a bit more difficult.

I’m even struggling with the budget, I really don’t mind how much it is or how little as long as it’s something lovely.

Coffeecheeseandcupcakes that’s been the hardest bit about it, I want something really thoughtful but I was worried that would be too much 😂 (not overthinking much eh)

Flowers? Easy to do from any location. There are money off codes online for various companies. Don’t get lilies if she has a cat as they are poisonous.

A Thornton’s chocolate hamper for her, her toddler and husband to share, it’s a lovely gift but also not too sentimental it’s weird. It shows you thought about her family and just wanted to treat them all. I honestly think anything else would be too weird unless it’s flowers or wine.

@Whycantibeapuppy I love that you’ve both reconnected, such a horrible time for people right now and the fact that she reached out shows just what an awesome person she is, you sound really positive in your post so I hope your doing better now? ❤️

You say you guys worked together a while back, we’re you close then or is it just a recent thing during lockdown? Just wondering the dynamic as if it’s a more recent thing, you don’t want to get her something she feels uncomfortable receiving (money/sentiment wise)

I think either way, if it were me (as your kind friend) id probably love a Copy of a book that Really meant something to you and a little inscription inside of thanks. I think this is a cheap enough gift that would really come across as thoughtful and genuine....

Disclaimer: Please don’t let the book be Single White Female 🤭😉

[quote WhatsErFace2020]@Whycantibeapuppy I love that you’ve both reconnected, such a horrible time for people right now and the fact that she reached out shows just what an awesome person she is, you sound really positive in your post so I hope your doing better now? ❤️

You say you guys worked together a while back, we’re you close then or is it just a recent thing during lockdown? Just wondering the dynamic as if it’s a more recent thing, you don’t want to get her something she feels uncomfortable receiving (money/sentiment wise)

I think either way, if it were me (as your kind friend) id probably love a Copy of a book that Really meant something to you and a little inscription inside of thanks. I think this is a cheap enough gift that would really come across as thoughtful and genuine....

Disclaimer: Please don’t let the book be Single White Female 🤭😉[/quote]
The Single White Female made me spit my wine out 😂

I am doing much better thank you. We got on at work but never close, it’s only since lockdown. We seem to be so so similar in so many ways and her little boy even calls me ‘aunty whycantibeapuppy’

These are all great ideas! I think flowers and a book may be the one!

@Whycantibeapuppy you’ve said her son calls you Aunty? I’m sorry to complicate things but I think you should send the child a gift. If someone acted like an Aunty and my son called them one if they got me a gift I’d expect my son to have a token gift nothing much selection box or whatever. I’m not grabby I’d just think it was strange they bought an adult a gift but not the child who calls her self Aunty.

I mean if you think her husbands face is missing a stiletto you can always move it across it AIBU 🤣😂

Glad you’re doing better OP - I’m fatalistic in the sense that, if something good like this comes out of something terrible (ie this prick of a pandemic) don’t analyse it so much that it spoils the point of it. Accepting that you’ve been there for her as much as she has for you is the key.

Whatever else comes of it is unknown - BUT, for now, it has made you happy...Wanting to show thanks for this shows that you are a lovely person 🌟

[quote GameSetMatch]@Whycantibeapuppy you’ve said her son calls you Aunty? I’m sorry to complicate things but I think you should send the child a gift. If someone acted like an Aunty and my son called them one if they got me a gift I’d expect my son to have a token gift nothing much selection box or whatever. I’m not grabby I’d just think it was strange they bought an adult a gift but not the child who calls her self Aunty.[/quote]
Oh don’t worry! I’ve already sorted the present for the little one 😊

@WhatsErFace2020

I mean if you think her husbands face is missing a stiletto you can always move it across it AIBU 🤣😂

Glad you’re doing better OP - I’m fatalistic in the sense that, if something good like this comes out of something terrible (ie this prick of a pandemic) don’t analyse it so much that it spoils the point of it. Accepting that you’ve been there for her as much as she has for you is the key.

Whatever else comes of it is unknown - BUT, for now, it has made you happy...Wanting to show thanks for this shows that you are a lovely person 🌟

That’s exactly it! I want to show how grateful I am but not jeopardise it in any way!

Hahaha knowing her fella he’d find it hilarious if I went crazy stalker 😂😂

I’d really recommend the book ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’ as a gift of friendship. Beautiful book.

www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-Mole-Fox-Horse/dp/1529105102?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@Qwertyuiopasdf

]]

Seconded - beautiful tale of friendship and serves as a present for her DS also 👌

@Qwertyuiopasdf

I’d really recommend the book ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’ as a gift of friendship. Beautiful book.

I’ve never read it but looking at it I think that’s the perfect friendship book! Thank you 😊

I also have EUPD so totally get where you're coming from! How about sending some flowers? I'd love that and I don't think it has the risk of feeling 'over the top'.