The gift that isn’t a gift but is a gift?

[thelegohooverer]

Dh’s siblings and dps get gifts for our dc. We stopped giving their dc gifts at 21 and we all stopped exchanging adult gifts a while ago. Our dc give a gift that they have made in return. Except that all the dc are still living at home so the gifts to our dc come from a family rather than their aunts and uncles. So, the return gift has to be substantial enough to share between five adults in one family and four adults in another.

Added to this, pils have insisted on no gift exchange this year. Usually dh would spend £200-300 on them. They have been very generous to us, and dh wants to exploit the loophole, that they will accept gifts from the dc to give them a hamper full of homemade goodies.

I started this thing of baking and making with the dc before they were in school and we had long days to fill. Now it’s hard enough to get time for a snack, homework and dinner, and a but if playtime. Ds has asd and likes to help for short bursts but can’t handle some of the sensory elements so it’s not something that they can just get on with independently. Creating charming gifts from the dc is bloody hard work for me.

But, I just can’t think of another way to do this. If I buy a gift it automatically becomes a gift from us, and then they will reciprocate or it will all get awkward. This op would never end if I got into the history of Christmas gifts but it’s fraught.

But I am wilting at the thoughts of spending Christmas Week in the kitchen.

I can’t hand this off to dh, because I’m a sahm and Christmas gifts just fall on my side of our division of labour, and besides he works ridiculous hours in December right up to Christmas Eve, so I’m the one with the time.

And this year I don’t have a lot of freezer space to spare so I can’t even get ahead now.

I don’t mind the pils too much, as they have been very good to us (though it would be much easier to give them the lovely gifts I picked out in October before this edict ) but I’m trying to work out if there’s a better way to handle the sibling families?

Forgot to add, we did try to get them to stop giving our dc gifts but that fell on deaf ears.

Siblings - they've given you the no gift edict. Accept it and don't get for them. If you really want to give something a nice box of chocolates from "the dc's". But really, don't feel obliged.

PIL - "oh, so sorry but we'd already brought your gifts this year, we will go woth no gifts next year". And next year the dc's can make them something.

If your DH doesn't agree to this then pass it back on him. It's perfectly reasonably in the circumstances described, and if he doesn't accept it he can sort alternatives.

"They have been very generous to us, and dh wants to exploit the loophole, that they will accept gifts from the dc to give them a hamper full of homemade goodies."

Your DH's idea: he finds a way to make it work.

But actually, no disrespect to your children or you, no one really wants a hamper full of £200's worth of homemade stuff. Just carry on as you have in the past.

Probably too late this year, but we have a very similar gift giving set up in our family and I always make a calendar of photos of the children. Along with a homemade card, that is the gift they give to all the relatives who buy for them. Perhaps not as substantial as you were thinking - but always well received by people who want for nothing :0)

Bonusprint are pretty speedy with photo calendars at the minute. Or print one and frame it.
My DD did a drawing of our family that turned out well so I got an arty looking box frame from the Range and have put it on the wall. Not something I thought I'd ever do but hey! How about something like that?
Over on the bargains thread they have figured out how to get the mellow hamper from Hotel Chocolat down to £30 delivered. Idea for the siblings maybe?

A game per family that your DC have enjoyed and wanted them to have as well. One that they can play together post covid. Dobble? Box of magic tricks?
Does not matter about ages or truth. It's the thought that counts.

Obviously it's just a gesture, but don't worry! But no one wants 200 quid worth of home made stuff.

What about tickets for something/somewhere they could do/go with the children?

A beautiful huge bouquet of flowers delivered Christmas eve?

Can’t you bake one thing instead of a hamper full? So e.g. some nice biscuits decorated by the DC and tied up with posh ribbon or in a nice tin? They’ll never eat a whole hamper’s worth.

Thank you. Getting a good head wobble now

If you 'have' to make something from the dc, gingerbread syrup is easy and looks good in nice bottle with label on.
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gingerbread-syrup

You could buy a soap/candle/bath bomb/bath salts kit and make those with the DC now. Some of them are as simple as melt in the microwave, add some scented oil and colour, pour in the mould.

If you want to make a hamper, there are some easy options. If you head to the recipe board I am sure other posters will have more ideas.

Fruit in alcohol eg cherries in kirsch, oranges in cointreau, take 5 minutes to make. You can even use frozen fruit. Flavoured oils are another 5 minute recipe and both can be made now. Mincemeat is also quick and easy and can be made now.

If you have time and a little room in the freezer, parmesan or cheddar shortbread (add herbs or chilli for variety) take 5 minutes. Whizz together 100g flour and butter with 50-75g cheese (to taste) and any herbs. Get the kids to roll them into walnut sized balls, freeze, cook at 160C fan until golden when you need them (about 15 minutes). I make German Christmas cookie (and other varieties too) dough and freeze them. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you make a few batches now and freeze so it isn't a rush?

You could also make buy Christmas cake and get the DC to decorate it nearer the time. Could the DC make mulled wine parcels (like bouquet garni), stuffed dates, peppermint creams or marzipan fruits without help?

I now it is still a lot of work but if you do a bit here and there over the next few weeks, it won't be so bad.

[quote MoiraNotRuby]If you 'have' to make something from the dc, gingerbread syrup is easy and looks good in nice bottle with label on.
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gingerbread-syrup[/quote]
Good idea! You could make a set of syrups of cocktails and coffee. Hibiscus is nice.

I've just remember some more very quick and easy things I used to make with my DC:

Quality Street rocky road (rocky road with the leftover chocs that no one likes thrown in) or any traybake
Spiced or caramelised mixed nuts
Homemade pickled onions/cucumber/nasturtium capers with dill

You could buy some packets of cookie dough and cut and bake those with the DC...

You know that they're just signing stuff from the whole family, they're not really ALL planning and buying the presents? It's really just from the parents.
And presumably your partner gave presents to his siblings' children for 21 years, so matching them present for present this year is really not needed.

Brilliant ideas. Thank you

For the siblings, I would accept the gifts for your DC and let the DC give them a box of chocolates or biscuits in return. My reading of what you write is that they really don't want you to buy a gift.
For the ILs, I would also buy them chocolates/biscuits and leave it at that. They don't want you to buy gifts. I am of a similar mindset, and it really annoys me when people buy token gifts, look for loopholes etc. Just take them at their word!

I've just seen that you have adult nephews and nieces. Skittles (or any sweet) vodka is another quick and easy gift. Just buy the cheapest vodka and stick the sweets in. Strain if they don't dissolve completely.

Is there somewhere they could take your kids that you could get a voucher for? Like a trip to the zoo.

Photo book or calendar. Get the DC to pose for some funny snaps (some holding signs with little messages for the grandparents), wearing different outfits/costumes etc, upload into an app which does all the work for you and you'll have a really personal gift from the dc that doesn't cost enough for the grandparents to complain about and isn't too much work for you!