First single parent Christmas...

[Theghostofchristmasarse]

Hi, I split with exDH at the start of this year... I'm not really looking forward to Xmas, we always had really lovely ones, we're good together for these sorts of occasions...just the day to day slog we couldn't do well, plus I just don't have any love left for him...we were together 18 years.. I like him, he does annoy me but we get on. He's much much sadder about it all than I am... So it's going to be hard, a bit weird... Bloody awkward to be fair.... I'm skint, so can't do all the things we used to, he's coming for the day, we are going to be sad of course but also need to be chipper for the DC, 5 and 10. Plus you know, bastard covid.

Just wanted someone to look at my plans to see if this seemed OK really...

Xmas Eve, I thought I might offer him an afternoon out with all of us, local castle for a walk for an hour or so... Then drop him home, go home wih kids. They always have new pjs, film, bed. Run around like blue arsed fly Wrapping presents 😂
Kids have all presents bought, we've split the big ones between us, both bought them stocking stuff... I thought they could have stocking stuff from me on the day, then he would get a taxi here around 10am. Do presents once he's here. If he's got stockings for them, might be nice if they're at his house.

I'll give the kids 10 quid and ask them to pick some tut for a stocking for him. He's getting a bottle of gin from me, a calendar of pictures of the kids (not sure about this, I've been making them for 10 years for family, but does he want reminding of the year we split up... 🤷‍♀️) and drawings they've done of the 3 of them, framed. My parents are coming for lunch, have bought him beers and socks. No idea if he will have got them anything or me, but not the point really.

I might ask my mum to take them to the £ shop to pick stocking stuff for me too..

I've got the kids to pick out decorations from our house to take to his, special ones, so they feel at home there too.

I've invited him and my parents and my brother... I'm doing turkey, he's providing all veg and sides, parents are providing starter and pud.

When parents leave at 6 ish, theyll drop him and kids at his. I'm happy to spend Xmas night doing whatever, he's more likely to be lonely. I'm hoping my newish bf might be able to come over (he's my support bubble and my brother lives with my parents, before anyone says anything 🤷‍♀️) but if not, I'll be totally happy by myself.

Boxing day they might stay over night, I'll see bf and then have time to myself before getting them back... I'll do all holiday childcare as I'm off so I want them to have time with him.

Does that sound OK? It'll be the longest time weve spent together in months.. V nervous. Don't really want to spend the day with him to be fair... But want to get the right balance of normal but not properly together, don't want to confuse the kids but want them to have a nice day.

Trying to think if I've missed anything.. I'll escape for an Xmas day run for an hour mid morning too, might persuade him to take them for a walk too before dinner.. Get him out of my way.

Hoping it kind of strikes the right balance... Never was going to be easy but just wondering if I've not thought of anything... Not really planning on this every year, hoping it'll just be separate from next year.
Thoughts?

[quote UniversalHadIt]@TalesTheCat

No that’s incorrect. Support bubbles still count as one household for Christmas. Check “the rules”.
Theoretically 6 “households” could come
together, if they were 3 x support bubbles of two households.[/quote]
OK, but that means her bf is in her Xmas support bubble, so even if he doesn't see any of her family or her xh he still is in their Xmas bubble and therefore cannot have a bubble of his own to see his family. You have the same ppl in your bubble for the whole 5 days and cannot have a different one, so if bf wants to visit anyone at Xmas he cannot be in ops bubble.

How the bubble works

My parents divorced when I was a child but couldn't be in the same room together so everything was separate. I know things have changed and everyone tries a lot harder to work together for the sake of the children nowadays but I don't know how helpful it is in the long run.

Don't beat yourself up OP trying to bend over backwards to accommodate your ex, it sounds like you wished you hadn't committed to spending the day together and including your parents into the mix probably piles on even more pressure and there will be even more weirdness. I would either try and back track or keep it as simple as possible and make it absolutely clear that next year things will be different.

@TalesTheCat

If you are having your Xmas support bubble as your parents household and your xdh then you cannot have your bf too. Xmas bubble is 3 household's, not changeable, for the whole 5 days. They have to be the same 3 households.

I was just about to say the same. You’ve got too many households involved here!

Sounds like a good plan. I invited stbexh over last year, told him when to arrive (not before 12 as my dp was over Christmas Eve and wasn't sure of his departure time, he went off to see his kids) and exh stayed into the evening, it worked out fine. If everyone is ok about the situation and puts the kids central it makes a difficult situation better. This year is hard for me because I won't have my kids, as adults they can't be passed from parent to parent and their boyfriends are up where I used to live (I moved away this year) so one is spending university hols with her boyfriend the other isn't sure, her dads I expect, her friends aren't where I live so asking her to come for 6 weeks is too much. I should add my kids are welcome in case anyone thinks otherwise, but young adults have lives of their own

Bf is in my 'household'. He's my support bubble. He has a lodger, they will spend Xmas day at his house.
My parents and my brother do all my childcare.
My children go between mine and Exs house twice a week.

My bf is in my bubble and I'm not seeing him before Xmas day, from the 14th. We also work together. In a school. I will see him Xmas day evening, after everyone else is gone.

There's no extra risk here. I'm in more danger and so are my parents and ex from the children being at school, or me being at school and then collecting them. I won't be going anywhere or seeing anyone before or after, they don't either.

But thank you for all the opinions, I've found it helpful. I'll make sure it's clear that we need a new arrangement next year. We really will get on OK, and I think the DC are fine. I asked them today what they'd like to do, sleep here Xmas night or go with DH and they wanted to do that, he can do his own thing with them then, so still fairly separate. Might shelve Xmas eve...

But yes, wrapping... Need to set aside an evening or two... I did nearly everything anyway so its actually easier not to have the 'help' DH drunk, having to be told a hundred times who stuff was for

‘Existing support bubbles count as one household towards the three household limit. This means that if you are in a support bubble, you can collectively form a Christmas bubble with two other households. This applies only to support bubbles as set out in law. You should, however, consider the risks of doing so and keep your Christmas bubble as small as possible. Making a Christmas bubble with friends and family - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)’

Op is fine - not too many households.