Bloody DHs family!

[BrigitsBigKnickers]

So in DH's family we give money to the nieces and nephews ( even the over 21s who are earning and don’t reciprocate... 🙄) and then a small “tree” present for the both them and siblings/ BIL/Sil to open on the day.
This always falls to me and I have already bought these gifts and wrapped them up. Most of them are consumable. Cost around £75 in total.

So today DH tells me that his DBro and DSis have decided that as we won’t be getting together on Boxing Day as normal ( due to COVID) they won’t be bothering with the small presents...
DH was - oh well we can save the gifts for next year- except we can’t as 3/4 of them are consumable and will be out of date.

AIBU to think it’s a bit late to be making a decision like this seeing as it’s nearly the end of November? We are having a virtual Boxing Day on Zoom with games and drinks so no reason we can’t drop gifts off and exchange them online!

Absolutely the last year I do all the Christmas shopping for his bloody family- 4 to buy for on my side and 15 on his... 😡

Can't you return any of them? Most supermarkets will allow you to return gift sets. Or use them yourselves :)

I understand it must be frustrating and definitely with you on the not doing it again, I wouldn't either.

It’s is late, but not everyone buys gifts early. I wait till December to buy gifts, my mother shops Christmas Eve!

Make this the last year you bother, your DH isn’t bothered because it wasn’t his time and energy out into getting and worrying gifts.

Tell him it’s his jib next year and and future years.

OP don't look a (no) gift horse in the mouth. This is your opportunity to knock the whole thing on the head. Tell your in-laws and DH that as you are now left with gifts you had already bought, perhaps it's time to stop with this tradition altogether. As they have suggested it this year - they can hardly be offended.

By all means, next year take a general gift biscuits/chocolates or wine as you would when going to someone's house. But stop giving cash to unappreciative, earning adults. That's madness.

If you won't consume the gifts and unable to re-gift them. Maybe drop them off at local food bank. I am sure they would appreciate some Christmas goods.

Yep @Catflapkitkat has it.
No more. Get that time back to spend doing Xmas things you enjoy

Message them back and say might as well leave gifts altogether and keep your cash too.

Huge sympathy op. I have had similar nonsense- I remember one year getting an email a week after giving birth where sil had organised who was to buy gifts for whom. Dh and I were to give certain gifts and ds was to give certain gifts, all with a strict cost schedule . This was late Nov and I had already completed our shopping. It took me another couple of years to disentangle us from the last minute diktats.

Can you just misunderstand the instructions and not deliver any presents (including the cash). Saying very little and doing what suits you is very effective in difficult family dynamics.

Perfect timing to say good idea and that perhaps it’s time to stop full stop.

My late mum stopped buying for nieces and nephews when they turned 18. I’ll do the same. I haven’t bought a Christmas gift for my sister since she had Children (3 in all) as I buy for them.

Time to knock it on the head. I had years of rows with sis about a lack of present but I stuck to my guns.

Eat the gifts yourself, perfect time to say you aren't buying for over 21s unless they are still at uni!

They've done you a favour...

Knock the wasteful tradition on the head, perfect opportunity. Me being a spiteful cow would donate to the Salvation army, who collect for people in need. Then I'd text them saying so emphasising the people in need bit & thanking the in laws for helping me donate their gifts to charity!!

I so want to be able to stop buying for everyone. My nephew is 21, doesnt even bother to acknowledge anything exists outside his xbox and then I'm expected to buy for him! My other nephew is 17 and the same, although more understandable as he is younger. My sister always gets my kids absolute tat which inevitably ends up in the bin as it either breaks within 2 minutes or they just have no interest in it.

Christmas is almost 5 weeks away. This isn't short notice.

If you have so many people to buy for, can't you redistribute the stuff you have bought to someone else? It is still over a month until Christmas.

I think it's short notice, family gift protocol was sorted back in Oct because that's when mu sister buys her shopping cos she has lots of DC. I don't start shopping until December.

They have definitely done you a favour by moving the goal posts. All bets are off you can decide what you want. Top of the list is your DH buying for his own family. If he doesn't ,oh well.

Can you just misunderstand the instructions and not deliver any presents (including the cash). Saying very little and doing what suits you is very effective in difficult family dynamics.
This, and try and look at it as a win as never again will you take on the gift buying load. I’ve forwarded mils text with ideas for nephew to dh.

Either eat the food or donate it on their behalf to the more needy :p

I agree with PP’s, time to stop gifts especially to the ungrateful adult nieces/nephews who can’t even be bothered to reciprocate. So no more cash or tree presents. Use the cash to treat your own family instead, donate or use whatever consumables there are. My mum used to stop buying presents for nieces and nephews once they reached 21, but she had lots.

I like the idea of ‘misunderstanding’ the no small presents! Paves the way towards just a family present next year.

This is definitely the year to stop giving money to adults! Just pretend you’ve misunderstood and thought she meant no presents at all, then open up the consumable presents and tuck in! You’ll still save yourself money in the long run!

Return or keep the gifts. And use this to put a stop altogether to buying his family presents. Let him deal with them. Stop doing the wife work for him.

I also think it's reasonable to stop buying/giving money to over 21 year olds, who are capable of earning their own!
I'd text SIL/bil back and say that you are glad they raised the topic of Christmas presents and that going forward you will just be buying for the kids.
You can regift what you bought for this year, or use it/donate and it although in some respects you feel it was wasted money it will work out cheap at the price if it gets you off the hook going forward

Any update OP