Its just a day, its just a dinner...

[eenymeenyminyme]

I've been divorced from DD's dad for 5 years but stayed close with the in laws.
ExFIL sadly passed away in the summer and lovely MIL was worried she'd be lonely at Christmas so I accepted when she invited me & DD for Christmas Dinner. Trouble is its ExH's turn to be with DD so we're all going to be there (including the OW who he's still with).
We get on ok when we have to but I can think of a million people I'd rather spend the day with (Boris allowing) but I'm doing it for ExMIL & DD and as I keep telling myself its just another dinner and I can make up for it another time...
Argh!!!

What a lovely thing to do for you exMIL And daughter.

How lovely to have your relationship with your exmil. I think instead of focusing on having dinner with your ex and the ow focus on the fact you will be having it with your dd that you may not have this year.

How old is your daughter? Given the circumstances I probably come up with a few conversations starters for over dinner. I would also volunteer to sort out a course/clean up so I would have an excuse to take a breather every once in a while

Did she not know it was your ex's turn to have DD when she thought she'd be lonely?

Could you maybe arrange boxing day for only you and your mil?

If you have a close relationship with exmil I think I would have a conversation about whether it might be better for you to spend christmas elsewhere tbh. It sounds as though the whole situation might be unnecessarily stressful (for both you and exmil) and she won't be alone if your ex is going to be there with dd.

I could understand if your ex wasn't wildly keen to have you join his family for Christmas. Plus I imagine if you share dd this Christmas then your ex will get her next year, so you'd be giving up an extra year of your own Christmas with your dd.

Sounds horrendous.....I wouldn't

It sounds like your ex-MIL didn't realise your DD was due to be with your ex this year when she invited you both but probably doesn't want to be rude by uninviting you. If you have a good relationship just talk to her about it and say maybe it's best if you give it a miss this year, it sounds like things could be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone for the sake of a simple misunderstanding.

A couple years ago I ended up spending Christmas Day with exh, his exw (one before me), their 2 children(my step kids), my 2dc’s and exh’s new partner. It wasn’t planned, just ended up happening and I have to say it was quite nice. I never really imagined spending Christmas with ex but it meant we could both see the dc’s/step dc’s.

Thank you for being the grown up - speaking as a now grown up but my parents were always together on the big day and just got on with it - same with birthdays, graduations etc
I look back grateful.

Oh and they still do now but for grand children - just as a warning 😂

The only Christmas I spent as a separated couple were stressful and sad.

I couldn't do it as exH was a manipulative cheat and his mum a witch, but things sound civil for you.

Can you go for the meal part, (take a side dish), then oh what a shame...you have to leave as you have a zoom call booked with your other family members?

Thanks for your replies (especially those saying that I'm doing a nice thing for DD & ExMIL )

To answer a few questions -

• ExMIL invited ExH & OW regardless of who's turn it is to be with DD, she wants the family together to ease the pain of ExFIL not being with us

• DD is 17 so will be making her own decisions next year, hopefully these will include me but if not I don't want to regret missing out on this one
• ExH and I are perfectly capable of spending time together without any nastiness, there won't be an atmosphere, there's just so many places I'd rather be on Christmas Day!
• I won't be staying all day, DD is hoping to go to her boyfriend's house for tea so that will be my excuse to drive her round there in the afternoon

It will be OK, it's just not ideal