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Christmas

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Original poster

4yo genuinely terrified of Christmas

26 replies

Ohwhocares22 · 15/11/2020 18:47

Dd4 is absolutely terrified of santa coming into the house. This built up through December last year and resulted in her screaming hysterically for hours on Christmas Eve and spoiled Christmas somewhat. She is terrified of Christmas TV programmes, pictures of santa including cards, santa decorations in our house, anyone else's house, shops, the street, anywhere. Christmas songs upset her. She's equally terrified of snow since watching Frozen at nursery last year. She has asked on and off since June "Its not nearly Christmas is it". We have told her that santa will leave presents outside this year. She has included this in a letter and we have a reply for her - not yet received- from santa reassuring her that he will stay outside. She saw an advert on TV today that mentions Christmas and became very upset. We have reassured and reassured and will keep Christmas as low key as we can - easier this year with Covid - but she's still genuinely terrified. Any ideas what we can do to help her?

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 15/11/2020 18:49

Honestly, I was terrified of Santa aged 3- and my Mum told me the truth when I was screaming the house down on Christmas Eve. It is a scary thought- strange man in the house, etc. Do you have to ‘do’ the Santa thing? It’s meant to be magical and fun- if it’s not, sack it off.

DS is very wary but is ok if the presents are left in the living room 🤷🏻‍♀️

Charleyhorses · 15/11/2020 18:53

I would absolutely tell her that Santa is a story, like lots of other stories.
Tell her you buy the presents. She can do a stocking but you will fill it up.

tattychicken · 15/11/2020 18:53

I don't know re this particular problem, but have had experience with similar. I would suggest reducing as much as poss her exposure to Christmas, take it off the table so to speak. You're prob not out and about much due to lockdown, do minimal decorations, watch streaming stuff with no adverts. Try to "de-Christmas " her.

Sunshine1235 · 15/11/2020 18:54

Have you told her Santa isn’t real? Sorry that’s probably obvious but just in case I would make sure she understands that

Original poster
Ohwhocares22 · 15/11/2020 18:59

We havent told her he isnt real, mainly because she is far from discreet and I think she would announce it to the world and spoil it for a lot of her 4yo classmates. If I could be sure she would keep quiet, I absolutely would tell her

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EatsFartsAndLeaves · 15/11/2020 19:01

He's real, but he doesn't come unless you want him to! Tell him not to come if she doesn't want him, and you'll buy her presents instead.

ChristopherLillicrap · 15/11/2020 19:03

I would start with talking with her about what she would like to happen at Christmas this year, eg no Santa, minimal decorations, favourite food etc.

Pick out the things that you would be happy with (it's your Christmas too!) and make your plans together. You could even try something like a social story to set out how the day will go, eg "On Christmas morning we will get up and go downstairs together. We will then go outside to look for our presents. We will bring them in together and take turns to open them." etc

You can even make pictures together for the different pages so that it looks more like a story book.

You can add sentences like "Other families celebrate Christmas in a different way. They have decorations with Santa on them and this makes them happy. In DD's house, we have other decorations like angels and stars because this is what makes us happy."

It helps take away some of the fear of the unknown and helps reinforce the idea that just because other people have Santa things, it doesn't mean that everybody does. If she knows what's coming and is happy about the general plans, she can relax and begin to look forward to it.

Original poster
Ohwhocares22 · 15/11/2020 19:04

That could work to be fair. Might give that a try thank you.

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RibenaCocktail · 15/11/2020 19:10

Tell her Santa is not real but just a story that we have at Christmas time to make it feel magical.

You can all ways still enjoy Santa related things if she gets less afraid of them in the next few years.

My children have always been aware that Santa is not (and I’ve been told I am an evil mother because of it by other mums - not because my dc have told their children - we have always told our children ‘he is real to those who believe he is real, Bobby believes he is real, so he is real to Bobby and his family, but we don’t believe he is real so his is not real to us).

They have never missed out and we always so presents, and lots of fun.

Bless her, Santa is quite scary when you think about it

CloudyVanilla · 15/11/2020 19:14

If santa knows a child is worried about him coming into the house he can send the reindeer to the window/door/fireplace to drop them in instead :)

picklemewalnuts · 15/11/2020 19:34

We always did stockings downstairs, because of the weirdness of a guy coming in your bedroom in the middle of the night.

UndertheCedartree · 15/11/2020 19:34

Ah, bless her. I would try to get to the bottom of exactly what it is that is frightening her. Re:Frozen it is a PG (suitable from 8) and some parts are really quite scary! My eldest would have been scared of it at 4! Then find out if their are things she likes about Christmas. Put that together into your plan and talk through with her exactly what will happen on Christmas Eve/Christmas day. If she is terrified of FC say he won't come. You will do the presents or an Elf or Angel if she would be ok with that. You could write the plan and add pictures so you could look through it together. Good luck and hope some of the advice here helps.

HawkinsLab · 15/11/2020 19:57

Could you arrange to meet up with Santa one day when she’s at school to collect her presents in advance, so he doesn’t even have to leave them outside the door / come to your house at all? Sounds like you’ve got a good plan to keep it low key. Hope it all works out for you!

mam0918 · 15/11/2020 20:06

you could say Santa doesnt come IN the house... he is magic after all (he has pet flying reindeer lol) and lots of people dont have chimneys so he uses elf magic to make the toy appear inside the house without coming in.

or you could say due to Covid and Lockdown santa isnt allowed to travel this year and is having presents delivered via the postman/amazon.

BluebellsGreenbells · 15/11/2020 20:14

Similar issue.

We told DD all the Santa’s are FC helpers as he’s too busy to see all the children but the real one drops gifts.

We cancelled Christmas once in favor of a party - she liked this idea better.

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/11/2020 20:17

My 4 year old is similar, we ask Santa to leave the presents in the porch.

MaidEdithofAragon · 15/11/2020 20:21

My eldest was like this....hated everything to do with Father Christmas. We just said that fine he isn’t coming to our house, mum and dad will do the presents. We also told all our family that’s what we were doing so they could say similar. He never did get into it. I told nursery too, they were very kind and supportive. He’s 23 now!

user68634 · 15/11/2020 20:23

Why on earth are you still feeding her the Santa lie when she is so scared?! Totally cruel and unnecessary. Tell the poor child he isn't real.

Original poster
Ohwhocares22 · 15/11/2020 20:28

Thanks all, some great ideas here. We will give her some choices and work out a plan that she is happy with

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oobedobe · 15/11/2020 20:40

Just say you to wrote to Santa and explained that DD would prefer he didn't come and that you will give the presents from now on. Santa wants everyone to be happy and enjoy their Christmas.

No need to say if he is real/not real.

Try and keep it somewhat low key for her and hopefully she will have a good experience this year and warm up to liking Christmas in the future.

Involve her in baking her favourite treats, show her the Christmas toy catalogue. Have a really fun advent calendar that she looks forward to opening paw patrol etc.

Lovemusic33 · 15/11/2020 21:08

My dd was like this, after several Christmas’s of pure hell and no sleep I told her the truth, Christmas has been much more relaxed since and still magical.

Chailatte20 · 15/11/2020 21:45

Have a look on the National Autistic society website as they have lots of tips for preparing for Christmas. Not suggesting that your dd is autistic but a lot of autistic people struggle with Xmas so there's a lot of resources on there to help you.

network.autism.org.uk/knowledge/insight-opinion/preparing-christmas-autism-resources

user68634 · 15/11/2020 22:57

For what it's worth, my brother is autistic and he decided it was his duty to make sure I knew there was no such thing as father Christmas before I was old enough to believe in it, so I never did. Christmas was still magical, stockings were still the most exciting part even if I knew it was a parent delivering them. I still really enjoyed visiting grottos etc. Telling the truth won't ruin Christmas but it will take away her fear. It is your job to help her feel safe. Not tell a ridiculous lie that terrifies her just because it is a cultural norm. She won't be the only one in school that knows, I never told other children. Sikhs and Muslims and Jehova's and Hindu children manage to keep it under wraps. She won't be the only primary age kid to know. You can tell her teacher she knows and why to help avoid any awkward conversations.

Sunshine1235 · 16/11/2020 23:39

Tell her the truth. There will be other children who know and it’s up to their parents to deal with any questions that arise from your daughter mentioning he’s not real (you can forewarn the teacher and any friends parents so they can come up with ways to dealing with it with their kids if it comes up). I don’t understand why you would continue the lie when it so clearly distresses your daughter, it’s not magical for her it’s terrifying

AcornAutumn · 16/11/2020 23:44

@user68634

Why on earth are you still feeding her the Santa lie when she is so scared?! Totally cruel and unnecessary. Tell the poor child he isn't real.
This.

Whether or not she says it to classmates, you can’t control. One of my friends children did this and my friend didn’t even know her son knew Santa wasn’t real! He was 4. Turns out he went along with it to please his parents 😂

You really need to tell her, don’t worry about anything else. She’ll be so relieved.