Suggestions to support a friend in her own at Christmas.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

One of my oldest/closest friends will very likely be alone this Christmas. She is single, no children. Mother died a couple of years ago. Father remarried and moved abroad. Only sibling and family also moved abroad. She remains close to them and they Skype. She would usually visit them several times a year. Hasn’t been able to this year. She has lots of friends, but all are married/and or have children. None are in a position to “bubble” with her (because of own elderly parents). She lives in London and I’m in SW but she would usually visit us 3 or 4 times a year. We last saw her in January. We skype weekly and text several times a week. She has a big job which is very demanding and is not short of money, but all her social activities have closed down and I really feel for her.

Any ideas what I could do to make Christmas better for her in the event she spends it alone? I’ve bought her a box of gifts (as I usually do), a bit like a stocking only in a box. My children (to whom she is close) have made her home made gifts too. I’m just at a loss - other than calling her and sending the gift box - as to what else I could do.

This might be a silly question but could she not bubble with you and stay for Christmas? I'm not in the UK so not sure on the rules.

invite her to yous noone will bother about one person and you could argue it on MH grounds surely.

What a truly kind friend you are! I'm in the emotional free range section (benign neglect!) of society, the few folk I know of, we are all are singles/solo on birthdays, Christmas etc.
Sorry not to have any ideas, I'm just truly amazed that people have friendships like this, and that it plays on people's minds.
I hope/bet she cherishes you

I agree, let her bubble up with you. Like pp said it probably isn't doing wonders for her MH being so alone. Make her Christmas

If you/she don’t feel it’s safe for her to visit you, an alternative would be to agree specific times you’ll all Skype on the day, and maybe label your box of gifts with the relevant times so that she opens them while skypeing with you?

Eg - at 9am - skype and she opens a stocking type present from you (maybe a mini Prosecco/posh pot of jam for a nice breakfast), your kids show off their stockings etc. 2pm - have a chat and show off presents/she opens gifts from you. Evening - have a glass of wine “together” once the kids are in bed. Maybe that’s too much. When I spent Christmas alone one year I really felt like it was a long empty day so just thinking how to break it up!

Could you create some sort of event for her to look forward to on Christmas Day?

I’ve played pub quizzes (load on YouTube) with friends. We both play on the same team, so not against anyone else, just for fun. I am planning to try playing versions of games like Cards Against Humanity and The Meme Game. You’d have to adapt the rules, but doable.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

My friend definitely cannot come to us for Christmas. She doesn’t finish work until Christmas Eve (very big, hugely rewarding job), lives in another part of the country and doesn’t drive. In other years she would have booked leave and flown overseas to her brother.

I hope she knows she is appreciated. We have been friends since university (25 years ago). We lived together for a couple of years in London. Are still emotionally close though our lives are quite different now.

I really like the idea of creating a bit of an itinerary. Checking in with her a few times during the day at planned pre-arranged intervals. That’s a good one. Thank you.

I should make it clear it’s not me saying she can’t come to us. She is not able to.

Also if you have other close mutual friends could they be added into the itinerary? And I like the idea above of doing a pub quiz/board game together.

We don’t really have any mutual friends. Having been friends so long I do know some of her friends. But they aren’t people I am in touch with. I couldn’t “organise” them.