In knots over this xmas cottage.

[Teacher12345]

My wider family have arranged a cottage for xmas. People can come and go for a week between 22nd and 29th and so we agreed to stay for 3 nights from xmas eve. I asked about further lockdown possibilities and apparently, we don't pay until a month before (so can access end of November if we need to cancel), and even if there is another lockdown over xmas, we will get a refund.
But I am really second guessing the decision.
DH wasn't keen. He said it wasn't really the year for it and he is right but to appease me, let me agree after we cleared the above about lockdowns.
I followed my heart because a) I am always the one in my family to say no (in fact should be seeing them tomorrow but pulled out because they are in greater manchester) and b) I haven't sepent xmas day with my family for at least 5 years. We usually spend xmas day at home, inlaws come for lunch and boxing day is when we see my family.
I didn't really feel like I could say no. If I did, the whole family (20 people) would have to rearrange because we dropped out so they'd need a new house. Even worse if we drop out now but I feel sick right now with the cases rises and as much as my family keep saying it is a no risk decision, it doesn't feel it.
I wish they hadn't chosen to do this!

It sounds like it's your DH that has put you off and if he was happy you would be?

Everything is so up in the air just now it might not happen.

If it does and your DH still isn't keen you would be able to not go but lose the money. Not another option now really?

If you have changed your mind OP, best to let your family know early.

But it was your decision - don't blame your husband or family for booking the cottage! You agreed, your choice.

I think your DH not being supportive isn’t helping you. It’s unfair that you don’t get to see your family any Christmas Day, they are probably desperate to spend it with you.

I’d go, if it is possible to.

I haven't changed my mind, I am just doubting myself because of these extra measures coming in this week.
I do want to go, I would love to spend xmas with my family and I think DH would enjoy it too if it wasn't for COVID. I think the not knowing is my biggest problem. I hate the unknown.

Alot can happen between now and Christmas. I personally would just wait and see like you said and assess closer to the time.

Of you can afford to go agree to go, but if things change be prepared to lose the money, then your family won't have to rearrange.

I really don't get the "I can't afford to lose that holiday money" if you can afford to pay to go, you can afford to pay and not go. It's a pain, and of course the money could be spent elsewhere, I don't think it's worth getting tied up in knots about while Covid is messing things up.

Why would they have to find a new house if you dropped out? There are already 20 of them?

I would message your family and remind them that under current guidelines, there's too many people meeting inside.

Say that you hope nearer the time things will have eased off, but if not the property can be cancelled by late November without any cost.

No-one really knows what's going to happen over the next few months and as you aren't forced to make any decisions until November, then as long as you flag to your family that you have concerns then you're good.

Don’t borrow worries from tomorrow- we have no idea what will be happening next week, never mind by November. You don’t need to make a decision for months, so really no point stressing about it now. If the situation doesn’t look good by November, surely you could all just cancel then with nothing lost?

How many are there in your family other than you and your husband?

Thanks everyone. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it now. I guess I feel like there is sometimes, like in this case, a choice to choose my husband or my family. Really it is a choice between my head and my heart.

There are 4 of us.
They said they would get a smaller house if less people wanted to go.

Would the difference in price for a slightly smaller house really be that big of a deal tho? Seems like it’s a big house with the amount of you going so I can’t imagine you guys dropping out would effect things that much .

You don’t have to pay till nov and seems from what you have written the cottage owners will refund if Covid means you can’t go so honestly I’d stop worrying and have it as something you can hopefully look forward to but know it’s not a definite

You have it in your mind that this is a terribly uncertain situation.

Try to make it seem more as if you have a definite plan by thinking (a) if you need to cancel in November, you all don't need to pay and your relatives can book another house if some of them still want to go, and (b) even if you pay the money, and then things look risky in December, you can just pull out and accept that you've lost the money in return for peace of mind.

Don't feel pressured into going, if you'll only feel worried while you're there & afterwards.

"If I did, the whole family (20 people) would have to rearrange because we dropped out so they'd need a new house."

Why? 2 adults and 2 kids for 2/3 nights of the full week can't mean they have to get a smaller house. That makes no sense

The problem that is most likely is that multiple households will still not be able to be indoors together. Do you think your family will want to ignore this rule ? If you make it clear that if at the end if November you will want to cancel if the rules are still as currently, then you are be fair and they can’t complain if you pull out, even if they decide to go.

We’ve booked a cottage for Christmas with just our family and my MIL. My mum died this year and my dad died 2 years ago so this was my first Christmas as an ‘orphan’ and I was very keen we had a plan.

However, I’m also conscious that it can only be a provisional plan with everything going on at the moment and it could well get cancelled.