Anxiety about how to fit new toys given at Christmas

[Rebelwithallthecause]

I have two young children
They share a bedroom
We live in a small 2 bed Victorian terrace

I’ve had a clear out today of anything they had grown out of as we were overflowing

There still is no room for any more

I’ve got anxiety now about how we will manage Christmas

The magic of the toys on Christmas morning is so important but how do we keep the magic without bringing in too many toys?

They have big families too who all want to buy for them

A terraced house is just that. Victorian nomenclature is adding value!

@Rebelwithallthecause we also have this problem. It drove me batshit last year! I can confirm that their toys will get smaller as they grow older. I promise.

We’ve donated stuff like hot wheels track & he didn’t even notice it was gone. Never played with it!

I found a toy subscription service called washi and am going to ask for people to buy my children credits towards this so that my dd's can try out toys but I get to return them. Or money towards a big outdoor toy for the garden.

Only child with large extended family here. My daughter's birthday is in the summer so we used to have X2 clear outs a year. Once before her birthday and once before Christmas. We cleaned and sorted everything really well and took a table at a charity second hand sale in November annually (which cost €10) and sold toys, lightly worn clothes and shoes too. Go prepared with everything labelled, lots of loose change, and carrier bags for people's purchases. (And sadly, have to advise that you keep your eye on your takings too.) It's a long day but we usually got between €150 to 250 per year and more storage space as a result. Really recommend having routine clear outs in the summer at the very least, as it teaches your child to declutter regularly..

You need to be very firm and clear over the presents people will be giving. It sounds grabby to ask for specific things but I personally think it makes much more sense to have something they actually want and will use. I have always co ordinated with my mum, mother in law, my sister over what we ('we' as in family) will be getting for my daughter. One year she got Baby Born Doll. So from the grandparents she got bits to go with the doll.
Talk to your family. Just bring it up casually. Something like "I am starting to plan Christmas and thought it might be nice to get together and co ordinate what we give".

I agree that toys at Christmas are important.
Store e toys you’re not using for the youngest yet.
Be ruthless with your full and do it again before Xmas

I agree with everyone about doing multiple clear outs before Christmas. I am going to go out on a limb here and say dont get more storage. You will just fill it up! Having too much stuff makes me anxious, almost itchy! Children can have plenty of gifts while not taking up every space in the house with toys.

For me the key to solving this issue was setting a standard early for what your children expect from Christmas/birthdays (your three year old will barely remember last Christmas so you can start afresh this year).

My top tips would be:

• only 1 "big" present from parents. This doesn't even have to be big!
• make stockings mostly things that will be used up, or needed anyway e.g. novelty toothpaste, pants, socks, hot chocolate, sweets, bath bombs, bubble mixture etc.
• Presents from you and relatives can be non-plastic/material things e.g. annual pass to local soft play/theme park, cinema voucher, lessons (instrument, horse riding, rock climbing, swimming, football, rugby), subscription to a monthly comic (my children LOVED getting post, so it didn't matter that they couldn't read at that age!)
• if there are other children in the family get into the habit of passing old toys on as actual gifts. We have just given our duplo to a cousin, and have already been the recipient of brio train tracks from a different part of the family. We always refer to them as, for example "The Smith family train tracks" and then the children get the idea that these particular toys are just passing through. Although they may be added to by the current host family they all get passed on when the next child needs them.

If you can persuade even one relative to do something the others may get the hint. When my DD was three I got my DM to get her a soft play annual pass. Everytime we went (at least weekly) I would say to DD "Granny got you this ticket". I would also send a little photo of DD to DM saying thank you, so she got thanked through the year. DD would also mention it to other relatives because we spoke about it so much (while almost never referring to the gift giver of other toys).

The popularity of "gifts that keep on giving" has caught on in our family because of that and DD has just had her birthday and was given a junior national geographic subscription, voucher for piano lessons (eventually) and a theme park annual pass (this one was done in consultation with us and our DS will get the same, supposedly for his birthday, but really it has been purchased now). When she was 4 year she was taken to the theatre at Christmas by her other grandparents. I kept bringing it up with her (we got the book of the play) and we reminisced together about how much fun it was - guess what she asked Grandma and Grandad for the next two years...

I mentioned it was small Victorian terrace because a normal 50’s terrace is generally quite of an average size

A small Victorian can be itsy bitsy, which is what I have.
Space for a sofa and a chair downstairs, room for beds and a chest of drawers upstairs.
No hallways, no corridors.

@Crazyprojectparent that’s how I feel, I don’t want too much everywhere and really don’t want Christmas to result in the need for more storage
They are so lucky with what they have, I can’t see how they would appreciate toys if there is just a sea of them everywhere

Floor to ceiling Kallax, boxes designated (duplo, vtech, brio etc) and if it doesn't fit in a box it goes straight back out the door. My two had a bad year for duplicates this year, between them I think there were 6 presents they already had, but they are very chilled out by me grabbing it off them and promising them £10 to spend in Smyths!

I can’t see how they would appreciate toys if there is just a sea of them everywhere

Im not sure what you mean by small children ‘appreciating’ toys but my kids always played really well and they had loads of toys. Storage makes it so easy.
Toys are really important to children in my opinion and I don’t really get people who have kids and seem to want to not have many. I have a friend who used to say she didn’t bother buying toys and asked for cash for Xmas and birthdays because her kids didn’t really play with toys. They played really well at my house and seemed to love toys. My kids are older now so no toys here anymore, you might miss the toys one day. Kids seem to only play with toys til they’re about 9 now so I’d make the most of it before they just want phones and trainers.

I agree with @ mynameisntlouise - if you feel like you can’t ask family not to give so many presents then accept them with a smile and make silent plans to give them to charity or regift them.
I used to struggle with this but Marie Kondo’s advice on gifts was very helpful and now I do it with no qualms.

I’m so happy to donate the unwanted ones but this year for his birthday the 3 year old got two presents really identical to ones already owned (but made by a different company)
The packaging ripped into and played with wholeheartedly

I guess I should get rid of the previous toy but it just all seems so wasteful

Please know I’m not saying my children don’t have lots of toys, they are very lucky indeed.
They could just do with skipping one Christmas to help grow out of some of what is here already.

What made it worse was the lockdown birth followed by a trip into hospital meaning I overcompensated on the birthday and there was extras bought by friends and family as a get well soon when in hospital.
Some of which we have already passed on as duplicates and some others we take to my parents house so there are extra toys there for the children’s and cousins to play with

It’s just excessive

this year for his birthday the 3 year old got two presents really identical to ones already owned (but made by a different company) The packaging ripped into and played with wholeheartedly. I guess I should get rid of the previous toy but it just all seems so wasteful

The easiest solution to this is to alter your mindset on it.

1. Passing on / donating duplicate toys is not wasteful. In fact, quite the opposite. Keeping toys which are duplicates of others is wasteful.

1. Your 3yo tears into packaging the second he opens his toys? This needs a little bit of management from you. He is at the right age to open the gift wrap, see what it is, put it to one side and go and thank the gift giver. This is when you pick it up and announce "we will open this properly later" and he moves onto the next gift. Afterwards you can have a good look through what he has been given and decide what to do.

1. Start an Amazon wishlist. Use this yourself and then when others mention why to get, you can say "I had this planned, would you like to get it instead?" Then they get what you want but they choose. Alternatively, books. Suggest people bug your dc a book.

Yes must change mindset - must add duplicate toys to donation pile

Must stop doing the immediately playing with gift and doing the put aside (although I struggle when the people are staying for a while and child is begging to play with it)

I do an amazon list and 1 family member alwyas asks which is a great help.
The other 15 or so gift buying family members do not (and I wouldn’t want to suggest in case they are regifting toys that their children had as duplicates and I scupper their plans)

Books is another one we struggle with. Bookshelves everywhere which are full to bursting and more under the bed. I donated a load recently as they weren’t the children’s favourites. They love their books (at leat the same 10 on rotation)

And DH parents keeps passing on all their old children’s books they had saved from 30 years ago and DH being the sentimental one, hoard anything he’s been given back from his childhood

This is another reason the loft is not an option.
Up it will go for the next 30 years until DH decides to pass it to our grandchildren if there are any

Its shocking to think that people have to do a big clear out before and after birthdays and xmas because their dc get so much, i am not blaming anyone, it seems to just be the way things are. Dd's birthday is xmas week so family buy her clothes for her birthday, not the most exciting gift but she is used to it.

Definitely have another declutter soon. Did you do it alone or with partner? I'm terrible at letting stuff go, always have been. I've found having someone with me like my bf or mum helped me to be more ruthless where they could say look they don't play with that or keep 1 and get rid of the other (if stuff is similar or duplicates). We got rid of a black bag of stuff a few weeks ago and the kids haven't noticed! It's often the case that we are more sentimental about keeping stuff than kids are.

What is storage like? Is there options for storage space you may have missed ie. Place plastic trays of toys under the beds, stuff inside wardrobe or on hooks over doors, is there a space in the living room you could fit things like under coffee tables or behind sofa? Browse online for storage ideas there's usually stuff on Pinterest or as others have said ikea.

Lastly there's loads of different ways you could do or adapt the minimalist present approach ie. Want need wear read. You could add a few more categories like make or share. Or stick to the four categories but get 2 items for each one. I found YouTube videos of parents showing what they got for the kids following this approach, wide variety of ages and boys n girls etc. Which was a great start to seeing how others approach it and fit all types of budgets as well x

@Deadringer

Its shocking to think that people have to do a big clear out before and after birthdays and xmas because their dc get so much, i am not blaming anyone, it seems to just be the way things are. Dd's birthday is xmas week so family buy her clothes for her birthday, not the most exciting gift but she is used to it.

We clear out twice yearly not because they get too much but because that is a sensible time to review toys. My oldest is 4 and their needs and developmental stage changes rapidly. The youngest is nearly one and thank goodness I can get rid of the large, garish push along walker which neither particular liked. I expect them to tidy their own toys so lots are not a good idea.

I try and stick to categories that can be stored together. Duplo can be added to the existing collection if she is given any, I’ll probably get her a few more animals and some add ons for the marble run or train track.

Stuff in boxes like nice jigsaws could be easy to store, if you wanted you could reduce the size if you put them in sandwich bags instead of the boxes, obv you lose resale value though.

When they’re out of the board book stage books are much better presents :o I’m tempted to get some of those wall mounted book display shelves for when we move fully on to paperbacks.

I agree you could have another clear out nearer the time, young kids change so fast they may have outgrown more by November.

Our two most generous present givers give DD and I zoo membership and National Trust membership as our Christmas presents plus a small gift for DD. This works really well and helps to limit the influx of toys.

We get so much pleasure out of the memberships and I make sure I send them photos of us having days out using the memberships.

I also was clear (and probably a bit annoying admittedly) from the outset that I had no intention of filling my house with plastic tat and that I'd rather DD received very few presents but good quality things that we'd use for a few years rather than heaps of tat that would overwhelm DD and take over my living room.

I'm very fortunate that DD has focused her playing on a couple of specific toys (Brio and cooking role play stuff) so people can buy her things to add to those sets and they'll actually get used.

Agree with the others that good storage is a must.

Small children just love the unwrapping (well mine did) and were just as happy to unwrap a teletubbies noo noo egg cup as they were to get a teletubby toy. As my children have birthdays in the run up to Christmas, they have always been mostly given things they need, with some luxuries and a few toys for good measure.

In my DC Xmas sack, over the years, they have got...

New pants / socks / vest / pjs / dressing gown / slippers - whatever they needed that year. Buy one with their favourite Character on, and they love it! They still request new pants now, only it's usually Victoria's secrets pants.

Nice foods. Eg Chocolate cereal. Got this idea off mumsnet years ago. As we don't buy chocolate cereal on a regular basis, they always get given a massive box at Christmas. My children are teens now, but they still insist on getting their chocolate cereal at Christmas. They also get bubble gum as I never let them have that when they were young (but older than yours), but "naughty Father Christmas" would insist and buy some every year! They still have it every year. Throw in a chocolate Santa etc...

Something for the bath - Bubble Bath, bath bombs, bath crayons and the like... something that gets used up! Magic flannels are great too.

Lots of arts and crafts bits, stuff that will get used up, and you can ask for more next year!

Some new clothes...

Bubbles (especially the giant wands), but they love even the normal bubbles.

Cake making kits. They love making cakes, esp if it's a cool character...

Then throw in a few toys for good measure... and you have a whole Christmas sack with lots of exciting things, but only actually adding two or three real toys into the mix.

As they get older, you can't do this so much, but it won't matter as their presents get smaller anyway - it becomes things like smiggle startionery, jewellery, things to decorate their rooms with, DVDs and computer games. Then you're spending lots on a very small pile!

With family, if they ask you what to get, encourage day trips out, theatre or cinema tickets, season passes to somewhere fun (eg a local activity farm), clothes and replenishables for their arts and crafts. Or club together for a big garden toy... (car, trampoline etc)

Ooh and the other thing we did was because we had two birthdays and Christmas so close together, when they got their presents, I used to put some away in a box or cupboard, (they had usually forgotten everything they had been given anyway) and then when we were stuck at home over the year, on a rainy day day, I would take them to the cupboard and they used to choose a new toy to play with. It meant the house wasn't bombarded with new toys all at once, and when they were bored of their old toys, they had a steady stream of new ones. This used to last into the summer, and stopped them just getting all their toys / presents in a 6 week window.

Outdoor toys is particularly good to do this with.

Last post I promise!

We used to buy my kids "experience boxes" so let's say their main gift was tickets to Peppa Pug world, this would be made into a poster and then put inside a really nicely decorated box with say a Peppa Pig top or DVD, a Peppa Pig Magazine and some Peppa Pig chocolate lollies. My daughter has said she loves this, because it's like you get the present twice... when you open the present and then when you get to go.

The last thing we did, was we always said that birthdays were about the celebrations and Christmas was when they got lots of presents. To be honest, we only said this because we didn't want a whole ton of presents coming in November. But we spend no more than £50 on their birthday presents, and instead spent the money on big / exciting parties. Eg, one year my daughter took 8 friends to Thorpe Park for her birthday. Another year, it was a sleepover followed by a trip to splashdown Poole for 6 hours, and a meal at TGIs again with her circle of 8 friends. Another year the youngest got to take her friends to the panto and had her name called out.

Of course, for us it was easier as they often shared one big party (especially when little). But it stopped us getting too many presents in one go. Interestingly, My eldest now with her friendship group have a system where they all chip in £10 and buy one big present from the group, rather than lots of little presents. My DD said she'd rather her friends took her out for a meal instead of a present. So clearly, she doesn't feel hard done by for it.

Tell relatives firmly that much as you appreciate any kind wish to give presents, you are terribly short of space.

At 3 they are so easily overwhelmed with too much anyway, and the baby obviously won’t care.

One small present* should be the limit from each - and preferably any extra cash should go into their savings accounts - for when they’re a lot bigger and want phones, iPads, school ski trips, etc.

*How about giving a list of suitable books - even a 7 month old will often enjoy the same board book over and over, and there are masses suitable for the older one.

I think we could easily skip a Christmas too. Dd5 and ds3. Dd has a birthday to come first too, will be asking for mostly clothes and she can specify a few toys (she'll be 6). Christmas will be more tricky because that option will be used up!

DH and I have talked about doing this :

Something You Want,
Something You Need,
Something To Wear,
And Something To Read.

I don't know what I'll do about relatives though! We usually specify gifts to a point, last year they got a nice wooden marble run and second hand playmobil, which at least limits the environmental impact.