Brothers not buying DS presents

[abrummum]

I live abroad but have always visited my family for a month each year. This is my son's second Christmas and just like last Christmas and his birthday my brothers didn't send any presents or cards. I know my son is still young but I think cards or presents at Christmas and birthdays are important if they are going to have a sense of a relationship in a long distance situation. Am I being ridiculous? Should I say something?

How old are your brothers? Do they buy presents for other family members? Are they single? Men are often useless at buying presents and it's often the wives/girlfriends that organise these kinds of things

They are in their mid to late thirties. One is married and the other is single. Historically, they have only bought me a present if I travel to see them at Xmas (although I have always sent them presents in the post), which is fine I guess but it's different if it's a little kid, right? Neither have kids. Would it be weird if I said something?

I think it's rubbish, but you probably have to accept that's the way it is, unless you have a relative who can have a word on your behalf? You could suggest people buy for the baby rather than you now.

Your ds is two
He doesn't care
If they visit their uncle they might expect something.
It doesn't mean they cannot have a great relationship in future

My BILs are like this. One now has his own child and guess what? We don't send anything for him. We do for my sibling's child, because my sibling gives a shit.

It's not about being grabby, I don't expect then to spend loads. Just to make a modicum of effort.

Don't say anything. It's their choice not to send gifts. You really shouldn't bother sending them any. And if and when they have kids, don't bother then either.

I have siblings abroad, I stopped sending presents because neither of them ever sent me or the DC anything and often didn't event thank us for the gifts we sent - sometimes postage alone was £15!

We send postcards to the nieces and nephews now to keep in touch and show we are thinking of them.

We have never bought presents for nieces and nephews in my family for either Christmas or birthdays. For family abroad it’s doubly unreasonable to expect that.

My DBro doesn't buy for my DC's birthdays or at Xmas or even acknowledge their existence. I find it a bit odd as we were both spoiled rotten by our aunts & uncles when we were young but it's his choice. He is childfree. I have no idea if I would buy presents for his DC were he to have any.

Do your DBs make any effort at other times OP? Do they email/ message/ Skype you to have contact with your DS?

One of my DBs does send cards & presents for my DC. The other doesn't bother. The one who does bother has DC himself, I guess he just 'gets' a bit more why it's a nice thought (as we don't live close together either and only get together once a year or so).

I would imagine your DBs don't have DC and therefore don't understand why it's thoughtful to send at least a card, even though your DS is still young.

My DC are a bit older than yours and TBH aren't that bothered about being in contact with my DM and DF, as they don't make much of an effort; with them it's more 'out of sight, out of mind' as I know they are better with their GC that they see regularly. It's sad though as I can see the way it's going - my DC don't ask about my DPs as they don't call or write and haven't even sent presents for Christmas or their birthdays (three months ago), therefore they have no reminders of them.

My brother never buys my dc presents. I always buy their dc gifts.

You don’t need presents to establish a relationship.

Gifts and cards are not what good relationships are built on. I don't send my nieces and nephews abroad either and they absolutely know how much I love them and we have wonderful relationships.

I've a family member who hates me but still sent cards and gifts (always including a wee passive aggressive one to make sure I knew my place) for every occasion.

I think it odd, although he isn't obliged to buy DS a present.

I would certainly stop sending DB any further presents and, should he ask why, I would tell him!

I buy my sisters kids if I see them during Xmas time. They live in another country so postage would be too much. But when I see them it's nice to give presents.

presents at Christmas and birthdays are important if they are going to have a sense of a relationship

You are putting the cart before the horse. Concentrate on the relationship first. Presents do not magically make a relationship that otherwise doesn't really exist.

I have always given nephews and nieces gifts and also have some abroad - vouchers are a wonderful thing, as is some cash in a card. With amazon you don't even need to get off the sofa.

I am in the same situation OP apart from not sending gifts abroad. We handed our presents out at my in laws and had spoken before and decided we were all doing presents then handed ours out and got absolutely nothing in return apart from money from mil and a present for our son from sil. So I went and bought really thoughtful gifts that they all loved (they told me they really liked them) and we sat there and got nothing back. A bit peed off as they could have bought my ds something at least but nope. Then fil came and bought us a present but nothing for our son. They will be getting f* all next year. Sorry to rant on your post lol.

My brother sends my DC cards and presents for their birthdays and Xmas (and I do the same for his). DH's brother lives abroad, has no children and has never sent the DC a card, let alone a present. It's a bit rubbish but what can you do?