It's been a trying year in some ways. Spouse and I have been to Relate - which was actually quite helpful. Political stuff has been appalling.
My own family background is fairly appalling. A certain amount of physical and emotional abuse, which everyone but me won't talk about. (I have bad memories of being shut in my room all of one Chrismas day when I was five for some unspecified misdemeanour. 'You know very well what you've done,' they said. To this day I haven't a clue.)
Spouse and I were hoping to put everything behind us. Our daughter who recently moved to London is back.
But he has had some investigations for a urological problem which left home with an infection. He's on his second load of antibiotics, is tired and shivery and keeps retreating to bed exhausted. He also adopts a kind of manic fake cheerfulness when he is present, but doesn't really take anything in.
My daughter just seems very remote. I suppose I'd imagined her bringing a kind of warmth with her. I've been asking her about her job and her friends in an effort to reconnect. But she's just answering the questions. I think she's genuinely happy in her flat and her work, so it's not that she's down. It's as if she's moved away emotionally as well as physically. Which is probably to be expected - but I feel a bit downcast.
We've also had to change the food we had planned to eat, as she has declared that she is now a full-time vegetarian. This is okay, and she is quite helpful with cooking, even if it is mainly vegan stuff. I'll confess to saying I would find duck a bit more festive than beans and rice.
So all in all, I'm looking forward to it being over.