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Original poster

Hosting vs helping.

29 replies

Barbararara · 22/12/2019 18:49

I would happily host a horde, but I dread going to my in laws for Christmas and having to help in someone else’s kitchen. Anyone else feel like this? I think it’s probably mostly social anxiety.

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 22/12/2019 18:51

I hate fumbling around a kitchen I don't know and cooking things other people's way!

Feduppluckingmychinhairs · 22/12/2019 19:05

I would happily cook for any amount of people but would hate to be a helper in someone else's house.

Thehollyandtheirony · 22/12/2019 19:21

I’m quite happy to take over someone’s kitchen and cook everything (eg when visiting ill relatives) but I don’t like being a helper when someone else is in charge.

Original poster
Barbararara · 22/12/2019 20:34

Glad I’m not the only one.

OP posts:
Hairwizard · 22/12/2019 20:39

I hate having anyone around me when hosting. I enjoying doing the cooking myself. I let everyone else sort the washing up though. Not that i leave much as i wash up as i go along. I hate mess when cooking.
I dont mind setting tables or help serve food/ plate up or wash up. I feel like id be in the way though if asked to help cook. And nothing worse than trying to navigate someone elses kitchen.

Letthemysterybe · 22/12/2019 21:38

I don’t like being a helper, and I don’t like having any help. All or nothing for me.

JuneSpoon · 22/12/2019 21:40

I hate helping. Bil micromanages. He criticised how peeled carrots one time Xmas Hmm

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 22/12/2019 21:58

I'd have stabbed him with said peeler, @JuneSpoon!

I'm not keen on helping. Or being helped, unless I've delegated a specific task!

underneaththeash · 22/12/2019 22:01

I hate people "helping" much easier to do it myself.

JuneSpoon · 22/12/2019 23:03

Thatsmysanta he was under pressure from hosting so I just Hmm to myself. He tried to laugh it off later by way of apology but I just pretended I didn't know what he was talking about, like I hadn't even noticed he was being a dick about it

MsChatterbox · 23/12/2019 09:39

@JuneSpoon my MIL is exactly the same. She asked me to make a white sauce, which I'm perfectly capable off, then hovered over my shoulder the whole time "you need to add more flour" etc. I just ignored her and it turned out perfect!

JuneSpoon · 23/12/2019 11:09

@MsChatterbox aarghh that's so frustrating!!
They are not saving any time by delegating because they're putting in the exact amount of time watching over your shoulder. And they're stopping you watching TV and eating chocolate by wanting "help".

I generally do the dishes now. As long as they're an acceptable level of clean there's no real way I can be doing them wrong! Grin

MrsWhites · 23/12/2019 11:21

I’d also rather cook than help. I also really hate it when I’m hosting and 5 people come into the kitchen getting in my way with the excuse of ‘helping’!!

DramaAlpaca · 23/12/2019 11:24

I need to be in charge in the kitchen. I really struggle with helping in someone else's. I'm quite happy to delegate in my own, though.

Carnabie · 23/12/2019 17:25

Oh god me too. Dreading having to be a helper this year. I much prefer hosting!

Last year I speed peeled and chopped the veg while fil was in the shower so that he didn’t insist on helping Xmas Blush

I also hate how mil will ask me if I want help and when I say no just help yourself to a drink or watch the kids for me she’ll stand over me watching my every move and getting in my way. I don’t want company! Just go and relax!

Candlesonthetable · 23/12/2019 18:05

I like hosting but not helping. Also don't like other people helping me beyond getting something out of the oven or stirring while I grab another ingredient. But I like the company of having people to chat to in the kitchen. Fortunately DSIS and DM are happy to lend the occasional hand while keeping up the conversation!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/12/2019 18:28

If I know I'm probably going to be helping, esp. with veg prep, I always take my own knife and potato peeler, because everyone else's are shite.
And my rubber gloves. But that'll be with people I know well, so I won't feel awkward.

Don't really want or like anyone except close family helping in my own kitchen. Other people don't know where anything is, and will always be in the way of whichever cupboard or drawer I need to get to.
Best that they go and keep the barman (dh) busy.

Sittinonthefloor · 23/12/2019 18:33

I don’t like help cooking either, love it for clearing up afterwards though. Worst ‘helpers’ are people who just start doing stuff —wrongly— or make helpful ‘why don’t you...’ type suggestions.

Sittinonthefloor · 23/12/2019 18:34

Except my brother though, he is an amazing helper! Asks what needs doing, does it properly!

MerchantOfVenom · 23/12/2019 19:13

Oh wow, I didn't realise this was A Thing!

Yes, this is me! And I don't think it's social anxiety, as I definitely don't have that.

Happy to host - and no, I don't need any help. In fact, just get out of the way and stop messing with the system. Xmas Grin

And I feel really in the way and bumbling trying to help in other people's kitchens.

I always insist people sit down and relax when they come to ours, to make up for the fact that I don't bounce up to help at others.

HeyMac · 23/12/2019 19:51

I hate not helping. Can't stand sitting twiddling my thumbs, making small talk. Would rather chat whilst busy doing something.

rslsys · 23/12/2019 22:03

All Chefs were once Sous Chefs . . .

Cmagic7 · 23/12/2019 22:13

Yup. I hate it when someone with good intentions, offers to put clean things away. Explaining where every little thing goes takes up way more brain power than just doing it myself. Then there's always the odd thing that is put somewhere it shouldn't be, never to be seen again.

KipperTheFrog · 23/12/2019 22:14

I hate having help, MIL loves to help. I’m dreading hosting them this Christmas!
I also hate helping in a kitchen I don’t know.

camelfinger · 23/12/2019 22:20

Does anyone actually like having help, or being a helper though? Surely it’s easier if everyone stays out of the way. I also find clearing up after PTA events similar - a couple of people get stuck in with bin bags and the one sweeping brush and I’m stuck with wondering around trying to make myself useful and getting excited at contributing by picking up one stray paper cup and handing it in. Sorry for diverging.