For those alone at xmas

[Mary1935]

I’m going to be on my own on Xmas day. My son will be with the abusive ex for the first time. I have a dysfunctional family myself hence that’s why I’m married it.
As you may tell, I’m feeling very angry - Christmas wasn’t great at all growing up and ex “didn’t like it” -

As a friend just text me - it never shows a person alone at Xmas on tv does it. The pain sadness and anger I feel is spilling out.
Any ideas of what I can do to get through it without stuffing my feelings with food or going round and smashing his face in!!!
I’m angry at myself for putting up with it for so long.
Yes - I got him and I finally got round to disliking him.
Thanks in advance.

Sorry you're feeling rubbish about it....but why not stuff your face? Get some lovely food in, treat yourself to a fancy bubble bath, and have a totally chilled day. Watch what you want on tv and just relax.

Lots of people are alone at Christmas, but equally lots of people are having shit times with relatives they don't particularly like.

Don't buy into the hype of this one day; just take the time to be kind to yourself x

Anyone else?

You're very welcome.

I think you should have a nice day, being glad you have split up from ex, and eating lots and watching tv, maybe read a bit. My christmases were not great growing up and I had hoped to create a better family myself - but our family is quite difficult and so our Christmas will be difficult too. I will just make the best of it and be glad when it’s over. Am certainly looking to time off work though.

It is rubbish and a shame for you. I’d honestly go a walk up a hill or something (weather permitting) in the morning then home, nice food, a good book and a big fat twos up to the abusive ex!!

I have had alone times ao i do get it. I would enjoy all the food maybe i would snack on party food and whatever i wanted. I would have lots of films on probably not xmas songs as they have been on all month. I would get up when i wanted and have a few drinks. I would stay in my pjs all day maybe have a nice bath. I would maybe watch soaps as there is always loads of drama even if it isnt real. Try do things you enjoy. I know its hard but maybe do everything you enjoy. Then it will soon be boxing day

I have also done a big walk on xmas day once too

Make your day the best it can be for you. Fill it with things you like, and give yourself some treats. Try to relax, make the effort to take care of yourself, don’t feel bad for feeling sad/upset/angry. If anything give yourself the chance to work through it knowing that it will get better - and it will. Plan something lovely for you and your son when he’s home - put the emphasis on having a good time with him, not the days the calendar dictates you should.

What would you do with a day to yourself if it wasn’t Christmas Day? Other than housework!!!
There are lots of options but ultimately you need to let the anger go or your day will be spoilt.
Will your ds be with you for any part of the day?
You could : go to church, take a drive to a nice park/beach and have a lovely walk, go for a drink in a pub, indulge in a stupidly bubbly bubble bath, open a bottle of bubbly/wine and put on music and dance about the house! Get a couple of good films to watch, buy some food you wouldn’t normally have, read a book.........

I'd treat myself to a posh ready meal, plus eggs royal. I'd also get bubbly and other nice drink options in. I'd be happy to line up a couple of films to watch, I'd head out to a Christmas service at church.

I'd probably get myself a "project" Christmas present that I could get stuck into- I'd fancy some quilting fabric and a pattern to have a go at something new. Is there something you've always fancied a go at that you could give yourself as a gift?

I'd also take some time to give myself a pedicure and make myself feel pampered.... possibly even while drinking the bubbly and watching a festive film

I'm on my own this year too op. Don't really want to get into why it's a mix of health issues and toxic family stuff.

My Christmases growing up were at times horrendous (alcoholic parent) but at others plenty of fun (big family as parents both catholic so TONS of cousins, aunties, uncles etc)

As a mum they've been a mix of joyful, sad, stressful and lonely. The first few after splitting from ex when it was just dd and i but she was really too young for it not to feel lonely were tough.

I've ordered in a lazy Christmas lunch (fridge to oven and done) some other foody treats, I'm going to try and just chill and please myself.

Watch movies and tv I like inc some musicals I will sing along with, nap, make some phone calls maybe to those I wish to.

But yes not really looking forward to it.

It's only one day so it'll soon be over.

If u want u and I can chat and commiserate with each other on the day? Maybe start a thread on the day? I'm sure we won't be the only ones.

We sadly won't be the only ones with a difficult Xmas either a few of my friends are facing this Xmas as first one after a bereavement, they're going through the motions for the sake of their children/grandchildren but I know they're struggling.

They never show that on the telly as they don't show reality on the telly. Let's face Xmas is over hyped commercial pressure.
I completely understand how angry you are but turn this round into a day where you are truly going to spoil yourself.
Whatever you fancy. A special breakfast, a long hot soak with a face mask and a new book, some lovely food for dinner and some pamper treats for evening.
Don't put the tv to all the Xmas stuff if you feel it will make you angry it's not obligatory you can absolutely choose to not care.
I have a toxic family and a Walton's style Xmas is a rarity for anyone really

Sorry your standing on my neck - I was rude not to acknowledge your post.
Thank you all for your kind comments. I’ve taken them all on board.
Best wishes.

congratulations for getting the abusive ex out of your life.

would you consider volunteering? there will be numerous community and church Christmas meals going on for elderly and vulnerable people who are alone at Christmas every year, which often struggle to find enough volunteers because most people are tied up with their own family. if you could spend a couple of hours serving or washing up etc at a nearby event then I would think you would get even more enjoyment afterwards from a well-earned rest with your feet up and a giant box of chocolates in front of a movie.

There are a few of us alone who will be on here so you will have company OP even if it is the stranger on the internet type.

But why not plan your perfect solo day?

Get one of those small bottles of cava/prosecco/champagne and start the day with a long bath and a glass of bubbly.

Have something nice for breakfast, smoked salmon and scrambled egg?

Borrow a dog to take for a walk.

Put on a nice outfit and cook your favorite food be that curry, chips, shepherds pie or just a load of cheese.

My grandmother used to choose to spend the day alone, she had 'open house' Xmas eve so people popped in all day and she didn't have a tree but would buy some nice flowers.

I like the idea of a project, I learned to pick a lock a couple of years ago, not for any reason other than I wanted to know how.

Or is there a beauty treatment you are overdue, a face mask, a deep misuse to your hair?

Save your presents to open in the evening and finish the day with hot chocolate and a dash of the spirit of your choice, vanilla vodka works well.

Oh and the best thing about being alone, you can plan all that but if you want to you can just stay in bed.

My mum spends xmas on her own despite having plenty of family members to join. She just prefers it that way.

Well done for your strength.

Others have given fab suggestions - laugh at the rest of us having to put up with drunken relatives with only half like that are eating our food and pissing all over the floor in the toilet.

My sympathies OP. I'm on my own on Boxing day to 30th. I have one day seeing people planned and I'm sure a few other meets will happen. I will very likely be alone on Boxing Day after a full house on Christmas Day.

If I were you I'd go and get some treaty food you love from M&S or Waitrose. A ready meal or lots of delicacies. A bottle of fizz or other favourite tipple. I'd line up some box sets - try Succession, the Starcase or some old movies like Sone Like it Hot, All About Eve or Philadelphia Story. Check out what's on TV. Maybe go for a walk or spend the day in bed. Have a bath with music on. It's just one day. X

Hows everyone gwtting on