Overthinking Christmas and Stressing Out.

[Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow]

I’m trying to enjoy it but mainly this time of year is giving me stress and IBS. Small decisions that I am just getting paralysed with indecision over.
I wanted to take the kids to see Santa, especially as it’s probably the last year my eldest will believe, but everywhere here charges about £50 for family of 4. Or sold out ages ago. It just seems so much to pay for a few minutes to ‘tick a box’. But I’ll feel like they’ve missed out if we don’t.
My eldest couldn’t think of what she wanted at all and out of nowhere has asked for a main present that is big and not cheap and I just don’t think she’ll use. But I can’t think of a decent alternative that she won’t be disappointed with.
My children want similar things but are different ages and I’m trying to keep it fair and second guess reactions to ensure no one will be jealous etc and it’s exhausted.
I feel like every night is spent stressing- about gifts, writing cards, planning food for the big day, planning in law visits. I want to enjoy this special time of year but I feel completely overwhelmed.
Yes my husband does try to help but he needs so much direction that it would be quicker to do myself. And/or am probably a neurotic control freak?

I’m the same but I have had to relax a bit to stop myself going absolutely bonkers. I don’t do visits to Santa, I always find them completely underwhelming and overpriced. Like you, I found the local ones are too expensive and often booked up by early November . I don’t think my DC miss out on much tbh. My Mum is surprising them with a trip on the Polar Express this year so they’ll see Santa that way.

I take them to a lovely local street nativity and also sledging at an indoor skiing place. Plus we do other things such as making a gingerbread house, making our own crackers, baking, watching xmas films etc.

I try not to spend an insane amount of money on crappy days out, they always end up feeling rather underwhelming. We’re national trust members so we’ve visited a couple of local places too which was nice.

I know this feeling well. I'm trying to keep things in check this year, have started reading Calm Christmas book by Beth Kempton. It's helping me keep things in perspective, but I need to read it probably from October next year, so I plan my Christmas to suit our family better before I've bought anything!

One things she talks about is the different aspects of Christmas: Faith/Magic/Connection/Abundance/Heritage and gets you to rank how important each aspect is to you personally. I did this last week and even doing it late on, its reminded me of what aspects are important and what definitely aren't. I think there is a lot of pressure to 'have the perfect Christmas' and do absolutely everything these days. I feel this approach has helped remind me that it's ok not to do Christmas Eve boxes, an alternative Christmas Day dinner etc! I've also pulled out of a couple of work social dos, which in the grand scheme of things isn't important to me.

And yes, totally agree about Santa trips. I think I booked in August this year, but was a £9 option at National Trust. It was well done for the price and quite relaxing. This along with pantos and other Christmas events book super early, so if you want to do them, start looking in July.

I call it Stressmas

We always take DD to see Santa at the local school fete, it's £3 and she gets a book.

Do you have a Farm Park anywhere near?
Ours has a marvellous Father Christmas and admission includes looking round the animals and you know your money is going to a worthwhile cause.

Why do we do it to ourselves every year?! The adverts on the T.V don't help - pictures of a perfect Christmas with families laughing enjoying the festivities when reality is very different! Adverts don't show kids having tantrums cos they didn't get what they wanted or Aunt Mabel having one too many sherry's and showing off her best dance moves before she trips and knocks herself out on the fire place.
I hosted last year. This year we're going to a restaurant so I feel quite relaxed about it.
Easier said than done but try not to let it stress you. There is no perfect Christmas. We put too much pressure on ourselves to please others whilst we're left frazzled and don't enjoy it.

It’s bloody hard being the person who makes the magic happen!!

I think it’s important to acknowledge how much mental effort it is to keep track of all this stuff. It’s invisible work but it takes its toll. And that’s on top of already being stretched thin running normal family life.
I definitely get decision fatigue this time of year, to the point where last weekend I just couldn’t face going out for dinner with dh and having to pick a restaurant, decide which car to take, decide whether to sit inside or outside or by the window, whether to have a starter and pick the wine. I’m not even remotely critical of dh’s choices but he insists on running everything by me despite being perfectly capable of running a successful company.

I’ve started enjoying Christmas much more now that the dc don’t believe anymore, because the stakes aren’t as high. There’s a small window there where you’re trying to get it all in, and get it right. I was gutted when they started questioning but it’s all got a lot easier since.

Over the years I’ve got very organised, and have pared it down to the essentials and the bits that really matter to me. By December I have it in hand, or I would if other people would cooperate! Mil has just announced that she doesn’t want presents this year...or maybe just small ones...except for the dc (which she’ll expect me to pick up)...but nothing too expensive for the adults because we’re not doing gifts this year. Wtf?

We don’t visit Santa. I’ve always told my DC that the ones in shopping centres etc are just helpers, because the real one doesn’t have time to sit there all day (and can’t be in every grotto at the same time!). So there’s no way I’m paying nearly £50 for that. In reality, most photos I see afterwards are very nervous looking kids anyway, so it’s not worth the money IMO. If your eldest is on the verge of stopping believing, I don’t think a grotto would necessarily help, it might just add more questions!
Think back to your own happy memories of Christmas, it’s probably simple things like a few presents, a nice meal, spending time playing games with family. Don’t worry too much about recreating or living up to Instagram/ adverts / card scenes. That’s not many people’s reality.

Christmas doesn't have to be like this! It's not in our house.... you don't have to conform to all the social norms around christmas - frankly most of them are bollocks! Do what you want to do and make special memories in your own way. Our Xmas eve will be making a gingerbread house and the kit was £2.75 from Ikea!
We will the go to the children's nativity at the local church - free!
Christmas Day is one present from Santa which mum and dad paid for and three small presents from mum and dad. A day of family time, playing together and having fun and chilling. What more is needed. Christmas isn't about stress and money it's about being chilled with the ones you love!

I felt so sad the year dd2 looked disappointed. But you know, these feelings are part of life and learning - I hadn't let her down and what delights dc is impossible to predict or perfect. Just love them lots and manage their expectations (your oldest needs to know their choice might be over budget) and all will come good. And tell DH how you're feeling while he can still step up.

I hate Christmas with a passion. I hate the music in all the stores, the fact that I have to host it yet again, the fact that ALL our birthdays are also in December, the list goes on. I get so stressed about it all, organising it to be perfect for everyone that I end up having a thoroughly miserable time. So I decided to change it this year.

In the summer I wrote in my diary reminders of when to book Xmas supermarket deliveries, order the turkey, get presents. I wrote lists all through the diary and when the time came in mid November I booked everything and ordered everything on line. I do shop locally too btw. So by December 1st I was all set with no panicky feeling at all. I am currently in Lanzarote with youngest son enjoying a week away before going home to it all. I feel a lot calmer and much more in control this year with only minimal stuff to get done when I'm home. Think I might have to make this an annual thing.

Research your local garden centres - they can be magical with all the trees and displays even if no Santa. Please don't put yourself through this, make Christmas magical for your own DCs. Simple and cheap activities like making paper chains with you or baking as others have said - they will be memories they will treasure

I would say I'm completely not stressed about Christmas. I think being super organised is the key and lots of lists.

I've made lots of food already in the freezer:
Pigs in blankets
Homemade cranberry sauce
Homemade bread sauce
Cauliflower cheese
A whole ham

That way I can just cook turkey, roast veg and have trimmings ready to go.

Presents are wrapped and colour coded per child in bin bags in loft. All other gifts are delivered.

I stick to my list! Shopping is all ordered online and mostly bought near black Friday because of all the discounts.

We don't do lots of days out. We go to a charity grotto and the panto. Otherwise it's home things like gingerbread house, paper chains, Christmas movie etc.

I would just buy your child the gift they've asked for. That way no disappointment. I try to keep mine fair but I don't stress out about it, I figure it will even out over time anyway.

Good luck and have a glass of mulled wine!

Amazing tips for how to organise, doing more in advance to remove stress, and simplifying expectations. Thanks so much everyone.
I think I’ll still be having a few late nights and will be doing it a lot at the last minute, but am trying to set my expectations a bit more realistically, I have felt like a Grinch recently, just waiting for January and that’s not right!!

I need that mulled wine.

@EvaHarknessRose What has you done to disappoint your daughter? I'm really do you felt like that and sure you didn't?

I took my two DC to a garden centre. We didn't need to book and it was £8 a ticket with a fairly decent gift. The decorations were beautiful and I let them pick one each for the tree. Maybe you could do something like tha?

@ritzbiscuits I don't know, I think she just felt her sister had a more 'special' gift that year iykwim? But in the grand scheme of things that's just growing up isn't it, sometimes birthdays and Christmas are disappointing because of our own high expectations but then you get perspective and realise it is what you make it, not what you get

@EvaHarknessRose that sounds rubbish for you. Depends on the age of the child but I would be seriously unimpressed if they were an older child/teenager. Often you may have to buy difference presents based on their needs e.g. one gets a bike, the other gets 'bits'. You're right it's all a learning experience though!

I have bern stressing and my gut is also upset as a result. But I’ve got to the point where we have a tree (and will decorate it over the weekend, if not tonight), we will buy food over the weekend, I have enough presents (except for DH), and the cleaners are due today.

Work is still bananas.

It looks like the big meal I was hosting may need to be cancelled because of someone else.

And that the traveling we had planned may also not happen as DD had an unexpected chance to play in an overseas hockey tournament.

But it will fall into place - somehow. It always does!!