How to avoid burning martyrdom?

[didireallysaythat]

I've done the Xmas cards, I've bought DS1&2 presents (still need to work on the stockings), I've bought m-in-l presents, b-in-l plus wife plus kids presents, I've bought DH presents, I've sorted the online shop, I've defrosted the sodding freezer so it will fit, I've booked lunch out boxing day, and today I suggested going into town to do the last bits of present shopping.

So how do I get over the fact that noone even thinks 'oh I wonder if Didi would like a stocking for the first time ever' and the fact that I know the only thing I've got is a dull recipe book (which I almost wrapped while wrapping all the other f*ing presents).

It's like this every year and each year I say I won't let it happen again. But here I am.

If this sounds familiar but you've managed to change things, what's your top tip???

Sorry OP , but unless the people around you have the gift of mind reading they are not going to know what you want. Tell them you would like a stocking how else are they going to know otherwise?

I do the bare minimum of cards - most people under 50 don't send them anymore. I picked the hiking boots I wanted in the shop and told DH to go and pay for them. Spoke to SIL and we are no longer doing adult presents so that's sorted, ordered most of DHs gift online and asked for it to be gift wrapped. If you want a stocking of gifts then ask for it.

Christmas dinner is as easy or as hard as you want it to be. This year we will be at SILs but I inadvertently cooked a christmas dinner when they were all here a few weeks ago by buying a turkey roast and the extras. Just buy everything ready made and bung in the oven/microwave. I prefer to do the cooking so that others do the tidying up and I go for a walk.

Talking helps.
About what you’ve done (it’s probably invisible), what you expect others to do (specific jobs) and what you would like (a stocking of little surprises)

It takes a bit of practice to learn to speak up if you’ve been socially conditioned to feminine martyrdom. The trick is to use a neutral tone of voice and say things kindly as they pop into your head, rather than waiting for the resentment to bubble up or the passive aggression to leak out.

“Right, that’s the cards done, what’s next on the list? Could you do -“

“I’d really like a stocking of little surprises this year”

And if that isn’t effective and people still don’t pull their weight, then prioritise the parts of Christmas that matter most to you and buy yourself something luxurious.