Tricky people to buy for - solutions?

[Graphista]

Desperate for ideas!

My mum is impossible to buy for due to a combination of:

She's/they (her and dad) ok financially so if there's anything they want/need they just get it! This is nice for them as for many years they were counting pennies but it does make gift buying difficult

Health issues mean food treats, alcohol, perfumes and many toiletries, most jewellery are non starters

Caring responsibilities rule out things like theatre tickets or even vouchers for afternoon tea type things as she cares for my dad and if he is having a bad time she might not get out for several months.

I seem to end up getting the same generic stuff every year (gloves, scarves and similar) but I'm sure at this point she has tons that are barely used because all of us that get gifts for her end up getting similar things!

I'm debating trying to draw out of her where she gets her hair done and paying for a few visits or there's one place she goes with friends for lunch when she can and paying for that but I've no idea how to arrange that (independent place not voucher situation).

Flowers are really just more work for her and at this point they're rather associated too much with illness and bereavement for her.

And that's just mum!!

Dad is even harder as he's basically bedridden now, no longer reads or watches film/tv, mostly he sleeps and when he's awake just moans at mum.

So...if any gift geniuses can help? I'd love some ideas.

One I have toyed with is
Retro sweets which they can't have a lot of in one go because of health issues but I thought a wee taste of nostalgia? But I don't know who's good to get these from?

Subscription to good food magazine?
Would second recommendations for Turtle Doves. I love mine and if I recall they come in a nice box.
Your dad is much trickier - a heated blanket?

How about an Amazon voucher for your mum? Then next time one of her books comes out, you will technically have bought it for her? (Or she can buy whatever...)

I have a similar issue with my parents - I know where my mother has her hair done when she can afford it, and I just ring them, pay over the phone, and they kindly create her a "voucher" - and the same for the independent place she occasionally goes with friends: they also don't do vouchers but have been very accommodating over the years in helping me buy her a meal! Do you happen to know the name of the place she goes (I know you said you're not sure about the hairdresser)? If so, might be worth a phonecall...

Iirc, you have a daughter? How about a nice picture of you both? You can do it all online, even getting a frame (will try to remember the name of the website!) - or a calendar of nice pictures from over the years? I know it's not exciting, but I think it's still thoughtful especially when "stuff" isn't a great gift.

Very left field for her generation, but if she’s techy, how about something like a raspberry Pi or some other coding stuff??

I know the restaurant she goes to it's the hairdresser I don't know. The difficulty with the restaurant is I don't know when she'll next be going.

The photo gifts thing we've done to death! Great when the kids were little and changing a lot not so good now plus I think she's fed up getting that kind of gift (tends to be what my sister does as she has 3 of the grandkids and it's a good budget gift and her budget very tight).

Aha, OK. Hmmm...

Quarter of do nostalgic sweets, and if you look on Amazon or ebay, and type in sweets plus eg 50s, there's various companies that do selections. Iirc, there's some on Not on the High Street too, if you are someone who won't shop at Amazon/ebay.

Are either/both of them into tea, coffee or alcohol? (I know you said that there's allergies etc at play) You can get some swish drinks hampers or subscriptions, starting at relatively cheaply (not sure of your budget)

Otherwise - bit left field, I appreciate - is there a children's book your mum loved herself, or you loved her reading you? You could scout online (or get MN to!) for a second hand copy/first edition maybe?

More prosaic - you say you've done scrafs/hats/gloves: nice dressing gown (could work for your dad too) - there's something to suit all budgets online, from around fifteen/twenty quid up. (I know it's not exciting, but they are at least useful!)

Retro sweets I’m looking at found a gift set would suit parents as a joint gift.

Very fussy about tea - don’t try new ones not into posh ones just their tea they’ve bought for years. Mugs and teacup & saucer sets they have mountains of!

Neither drink alcohol for health reasons now.

Happy to get pyjamas/dressing gown if I can find suitable/nice ones.

Both need the tops to be button through as they can no longer manage sweater style tops - dad, my mum is dressing him and there are dressings and tubes etc to negotiate so they have to be easy to change but also comfortable.

Almost all pjs I’ve viewed online so far the tops are sweater style.

Scarves/hats/gloves I’d love some recommendations.

Anyone used "the sweetie jar"?

Not read thread just initial message so sorry if duplication. Ideas:

Magazine subscription
Make them a thoughtful playlist
A cool touch lamp for bedside so they can turn on and off with one touch
Photo in a frame
Some time off for your mum
Some plush towels or a blanket
Something techy like a coffee machine

Could you conspire with her friend she goes to lunch with? Ask her to tell you when they are going the next time and you wire her some money covering the meal?

Digital PhotoFrame and you provide new photos on a regular basis

Anything practical like new bedding or blankets?

Not sure if this is really useful to your question, but your DM sounds like a pretty amazing woman - and an awesomely cool Grandma! There should be a book written about her life - although maybe a more techie format would be appropriate!

"My Grandma Beats me on PlayStation" would be a great title!

If she does get out the house (you mention meeting friends and going to hairdresser) would she like a day or half day on a cooking course- something she doesn’t normally do like bread or chocolates or whatever. They usually do a nice lunch afterwards

Or a foraging course

If photos boring how about one of those frames that stores 1000s of photos and flicks between them

Telescope? Would she get into star gazing?

Nice bed throw for your dad or new bed linen or a fancy pillow or heated neck pad etc.

What about those on line masterclass subscriptions for your mum? You can learn about all sorts of things and I know they do gift vouchers.

Someone to come and give her a manicure?

If they’re reminiscing more what about one of those location map posters? If you know where they met you can get it printed for them for example.

I’ve seen people recommending cashmere socks on other threads?

WH Smith’s voucher for the next book release.

“Could you conspire with her friend she goes to lunch with? Ask her to tell you when they are going the next time and you wire her some money covering the meal?” Trying to arrange that now awaiting reply from friend

@kristallen - she is pretty awesome in many ways! The computer thing she is naughty and has fun with sometimes like patiently waiting in phone shops, pc world and similar or when on phone to tech companies and she patiently waits for the mansplaining to end (especially bad in this industry) and then takes them through everything they said that was wrong!

She’s led a very interesting and challenging life but thinks she’s nothing special. More than once on here it’s been suggested writing a book about her/me/our family. There are many funny and interesting anecdotes but I’m not sure she would be very comfortable with that.

I’m toying with the idea of writing while certain relatives are still alive so I can get the stories and perhaps publish when they’ve passed or simply keep it within the family as a keepsake.

Sometimes they will very foolishly try and argue with her. On one occasion she was dealing with a particularly bad case and she
Did something to the phone they were showing her so next time they were showing to a customer it said “don’t listen to him he’s an idiot”

Thanks for all the replies and time taken. All sorted now just need to arrange deliveries.

Ideas from mn and people in real life who know them (and who were also despairing of what to get them! So I’ve been able to share ideas too from here)

flannel pyjamas

I've bought my dad and sister garden ornaments.

next button through pyjamas saw these in store this weekend, they were a fairly thin fabric but very soft and folded up nicely into a package for gifting.
How about one of those bird feeder that stick on the window? Or fancy hand wash and matching cream if she is doing caring duties I imagine there's also lots of handwashing. A big, fluffy, soft towel?

I don't know how bad your dad's vision is but the rnib do giant print puzzle books, they sell them on amazon