DS (17) "only wants money" for Xmas - entitled or sensible?

[MotherofOne]

Our older teens usually tell us what they want as a 'big' present for Xmas and sometimes they ask for money (£100-£150) if they're saving up for something bigger. This is fine by us, but we always get a few extra little bits and pieces e.g. socks, sweets, a book etc so there are some presents under the tree for them to open on Xmas morning. These 'extras' usually cost about £20-£25 max.

DS (whose 17) has just said that he ONLY wants money and DOESN'T want anything else AT ALL, but wants the money that would've been spent on the stocking filler type presents.
I was a bit to be honest and told he sounded very entitled and should be grateful for whatever he gets.

I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand, I kind of understand where he is coming from, but on the other I feel that it will spoil Xmas morning if there is NOTHING for him to open except an envelope of cash.

What would you do?

@Nishky

My parents used to put the cash in an envelope, then wrap it in tissue, pop it in a box, wrap it in more tissue, then another box, then wrapping paper, and big bow on top.

I never give mine cash. I'm al about the presents and surprises so this wouldn't wash in my house. That's said cash has been accepted as a gift for your DC previously so I don't think he is being overly cheeky to ask that you don't buy anything and just give the same values of cash.

Most of the things I put in teens stockings are things they would otherwise have to spend their own money on - socks, toiletries, etc.

Sounds like he's not really seeing the point of presents really is he? What's he like at buying them for other people? It obviously gets really silly if you give him money and he gives you money...

I'd have a chat with him about why people generally feel it's nice to give presents. He may grow out of this phase - my 19 year old was a bit like that a couple of years back but now he has a GF they've both been busy buying presents for each other :)

Really really sensible.

I love christmas but the waste is too much. I think money and gift cards is the way to go.

To me it says I care, treat yourself to something you like.

But more than that it takes the stress out of trying to think of some wonderful gift idea which I personally find most difficult.

I just want to take that away from my folks and they are now happy to give money, whereas they used to think it cold. They've come round.

I'm giving cash & gift card and also advising others asking what to get our teens.

I think he’s being quite rude and entitled. It’s one thing to ask for money towards something they’re saving for but to dictate that only cold hard cash is acceptable seems a bit much. You’re giving him money and you planned to buy a few bits as extras. I think it’s really off for him to mentally tot up his stocking cost and then ask for the cash value instead!

Tbh I think if older dc start to see Christmas as just an opportunity to put out their hand for extra cash, it’s time to introduce the concept of a “grown up” Christmas that’s more about thought and traditions than what a person receives.

Greendayz - yes, exactly this!
Socks, body spray gift pack, that sort of thing.

To be honest he DOES tend to see things in a very literal way e.g. presents = this amount of ££ and he was a bit shocked when I said he sounded entitled.
I told him that the extras are exactly that - extra - and if he doesn't want them that's fine, but there's no monetary alternative .

Buying stuff for someone who has expressly stated they don't want it is totally pointless.

Give him the cash and only the cash. It's sensible and economical....! Otherwise you'll buy him crap he doesn't want and be offended when he throws it away...

I have been thinking about this as I read the thread and completely agree with your last post MotherofOne. I have a budget for each child but the stockings aren’t part of it so I wouldn’t be prepared to give them a monetary equivalent of it. But think that asking for money isn’t an issue generally.

Very sensible! He’s also preventing needless waste (of resources and money) and clutter.

sausagepastapot - did you bother to read the thread? As Greendayz said, it will be stuff that he will otherwise have to buy himself from his allowance in the coming months anyway, not meaningless tat.

I don't think it's healthy to let kids think that Christmas is only about exchanging cash, otherwise why don't we all just do a bank transfer for the same amount and cancel the whole thing ?

I know what you mean but I don't see it that way.

I don't want to cancel the whole thing. I love Christmas but Imo it's the present bit that has got out of hand (and ruins it a bit).

Not just the money but trying to think of what to buy people. Simplifying it by giving cash and cards takes the stress out of it so I can enjoy the lovely bits. The tree, open fire, eating lots, crappy Xmas movies...

Ah I really love it. Wish we could just do away with the present bit tbh!

*lovely bits also involves my family.

I did originally post but but must have deleted that bit. That was not wishful thinking airbrushing them out of my Xmas bliss.

If you would typically gift 100 plus stock g just do 100 and no stocking. Or make yourself up a nice stocking instead with the 25quid.

If he wants money and only money, give him £20 in 10ps.

😅

Judge the look on his face before you give him the rest of the cash.

Stocking fillers are normally crap that no one ever actually uses or consumables. I've been trying to get my mum to buy me less of the plastic tat for years so I can see where he's coming from. Why don't you buy him some consumable treats and things he needs anyway for his stocking (like some nice shower gel, socks, pants, sweets/chocolates) then just put the money in a christmas card under the tree.

Just give him money, not stuff. How much you give him is up to you. DMIL gives me a stocking full of absolute crap every year, out of the goodness of her heart, but I would so much sooner have none of it at all. DD has said very clearly she would rather have nothing than Stuff - environmental reasons apart from anything else. She’s going on holiday next year so I will get her some local currency to take.

One of my brothers was like this. He's still an entitled, ungrateful waste of oxygen in his 30s

I have boys that age, and would give money but say stockings are yes or no, not exchangeable for money

Saying that, My 17 yr old is getting mostly sweets and £20 (for a Nando's) and some playing cards in his stocking

Just money is not very Christmas y imo

Why don't you buy him some consumable treats and things he needs anyway for his stocking (like some nice shower gel, socks, pants, sweets/chocolates)

Er... that's exactly what I said I do get him!?

Let him have the money ... you did ask.

It's you isnt it who enjoys spending time choosing and wrapping and have them as decorations under the tree and he probably doesnt want those little gifts, pretty as they are.

If you want presents under the tree, as opposed to empty boxes, maybe get something and give to homeless people or refuges.

If you want to make it fun, my dad used to put an envelope with a few dollars and a clue under the tree. Then the next envelope would have a few more and another clue, etc. there were usually five to ten envelopes to find. We loved it.

I would give him the money. Not everyone cares about getting nice shower gel or socks, he may prefer to buy his own basic things and spend the difference on things he actually wants.

My DS has been getting money and chocolate since he was 10, he just doesn't want anything else. I do ask if I can get him anything, making clear that it would be in addition to the money, and he still says no.

My DS requests money , I cannot remember how long it has gone on for , he's 20yo.
(December birthday too ! )

I buy him PJs, clothes,underwear, some nice bodywash, sweets .

Then he gets money in a card.

I think asking parents for ££ is ok, but not relatives . (My DParents send the DC money anyway , not a wrappable gift , which makes more sense)

My DS is saving for a guitar , I'm quite happy to give him money to save as he's undecided if he wants to buy it or not (he has 2 already so I'm not depriving him of music)

My DD , likes things bought for her . And a gift voucher (or two) for clothes .

I’d just give him the usual amount of money, no “extras” or extra money.

Is he thoughtful in giving gifts to others?

My and DH are 2@MotherofOne9 and have asked for money for many years now. Both our mums like to buy us stuff for under the tree. Honestly, both are guilty of buying stuff we don’t want or need. Stuff that clutters up the house and when you add it all up is still about £30-50. Both of us have had years when we’ve wished our mums would have either given the extra money or just not bothered spending the extra money. We both understand that our mums want us to have something under the tree and so sort of put up with it. This year we’ve asked for only consumable products so toiletries that we use throughout the year, food or alcohol. It might be entitled but honestly it’s a complete waste of money for either mum to get a load of crap we have no interest in using, even though our mums would probably think we’d love it. As an aside I’ve also asked them not to buy gift sets and just stuff off the shelf in the supermarket because I can’t stand all the plastic that comes with toiletries gift sets.

He’s 17. Which means the T-shirt you probably think is great, he probably thinks is really lame. The body spray you’re buying him, is probably not what he’d buy himself. Even though you think he’ll get use out of them, he might think otherwise. I’m still expecting one of them to get us some sort of plastic tat that we’ll roll our eyes at, gather dust for a few months and be thrown out in a fit of anger in October. So I can see his logic in asking for just cash but I think it should be cash to the usual ‘big present’ amount and not cash in addition.