MIL Christmas

11 replies

Brenda10 · 03/12/2019 18:09

The husband has invited his mother for Christmas without consulting me and he knows we don’t like each other. She is elderly but has treated me appallingly in the past, making him choose between his family business and home or me, this was 20 years ago and I now have teenage children to consider but I feel betrayed and don’t know what to do. Do I spend Christmas at home or make a point and go out for the day?

OP posts:

Time4change2018 · 03/12/2019 18:59

Is your husband cooking / hosting and is imsfe just coming for lunch or is this a whole day or overnight?

Singlenotsingle · 03/12/2019 19:04

There aren't many places to go on Christmas Day unless you've pre-booked

Original poster

Brenda10 · 03/12/2019 19:42

Husband will say he helps at Christmas and he will do some things if bought and put in front of him but main responsibility will be mine. He has never bought anyone a present and shopped without being told too. So realistically it’s me that will be hosting.

OP posts:

Original poster

Brenda10 · 03/12/2019 19:45

And it will be only for four or five hours.

OP posts:

Time4change2018 · 03/12/2019 19:57

Well it depends if you really want to make a stand or not .... You can get through it if you want to and just ignore as best you can or you revoke her invite as say as you're cooking and hosting you don't want her there.
Does she live far and is she alone on Christmas day if not at yours this year ?
I'm feeling very cranky and a little precious about my free time so I'd not suffer her coming over and send husband to her on Christmas day for a few hrs.... but then I'm not feeling charitable :-)

CharlottedeGaulle · 03/12/2019 20:00

Do your children get on with her? To be honest if they aren’t bothered, I’d send your husband to her & spend the day at home with your children.

ZenNudist · 03/12/2019 20:04

Id suck it up for your dhs sake. Dont let her be nasty to you. Have dh briefed to bring her into line. You'll be cooking most of the time.

Will your dh realise you're doing him a favour and reciprocate?

maddy68 · 03/12/2019 20:06

She's his mum....she is elderly.... it's Christmas....suck it up. It's one day

girlywhirly · 03/12/2019 21:46

You have this out with MIL before Christmas, she is welcome as long as she is civil, but at the first hint of rudeness DH will be taking her home, regardless of whether she has had her dinner. Being old is not a free pass to be a miserable judgemental old bag. OK, so she doesn’t like you, or you her, but if you are a guest in someone’s home you behave at least civilly or you don’t go. It’s a shame she never learned any manners in all her years.

wibdib · 03/12/2019 22:05

I would decide whether you’re happy cooking and being away from her in the kitchen or if you use it as a reason to day that as he unilaterally decided to invite her you have unilaterally decided that he will be cooking as you don’t want your Xmas spoilt by mil complaining about your food and that you had planned on a nice relaxing Xmas day so you are looking forward to watching dh sorting and cooking Xmas dinner...

Then sit back and see what happens...

Herocomplex · 03/12/2019 22:10

I’d be really upset if my DH did that, I’m guessing he knows if he’d asked you it would have been a ‘no’

That’s the bit that would cause a problem.

Is there anyone else all of you like who you could invite to balance her out? I know it’s a bit late now but I’d widen the guest list if you can. Lose her in a throng.

Flip