Elf on a shelf dilemma

[damekindness]

So... DGS has written to the elf tonight and asked the elf what gender the elf is. This isn't covered in my bumper book of ethical grand-parenting ...so...ideas?

Well I rather naively thought this might be an opportunity to role model inclusivity and tolerance to a small child

If you're not on the wind up with this, you've got several options;

"Ooh, I'm not sure, which do you think? Boy elf or girl elf?"

"I think it's a (girl or boy) elf, but does it matter? I'm pretty sure the Santa doesn't care whether they're a girl or a boy, as long as they're kind and helpful!"

They sell elf girls and elf boys though?
no they sell the same doll dressed in skirts or shorts or whatever.

The elves are not male or female

What a weird thread

OP don't leave!

Just ask him if he wants it to be a girl or boy elf.

If you want to educate him further then you could explain there's really no difference between boy or girl elves. It's different with humans (they have different sexes) and unfortunately sad human beings (unlike elf parents) try to categorise their children according to gender which is just social expectation. Which makes a lot of children unhappy and confused because there are girls who love sailing and climbing and football and boys who like dolls and prams and ballet. It doesn't mean they are not girls and boys.

Unless it's in the family or school they don't need to go further to same sex marriage (I have it in my own family) or transition (ditto). IMHO.

@ Hecateh, actually if you have the traditional Elf on the Shelf they clearly state boy or girl. They have different faces and the girl has red lipstick on.

The elf doesn't confirm to gender norms and wouldn't like you to assume it's gender.

Is that the sort of thing you wanted to hear? Because I can't understand why none of the posts above are a good enough answer, especially when you flounce before elaborating further.

In fact, stop with the gendered pronouns and go for they/them or ze/zir.

Vote here for non-binary elf. Elves may well have a completely different (more evolved?) gender spectrum to human anyway.

Dear xxx

I am sorry but elves aren't allowed say if they are boys or girls, it's a secret in the elf kingdom you see. You can let on your elf is whatever you want it to be, but I am not allowed to choose myself.

Have fun choosing my name and whether you want me to be a boy elf or a girl elf, I can't wait to see what you decide.

Lots of love

Your Elf xxxx

Is this our first elf-related flounce?

Can't believe he asked that

Have you thought of an alternative education?

I would say the elf can be whatever you want them to be. No need for in-depth discussions.

I don’t see our elf as having a gender.

Our elf is a boy - it says so on his box! I haven’t asked him how he identifies or what pronouns he would like us to use.

XXMansplain my 8yo uses the word gender, he has a trans adult sibling. Also, it's a meme - "Did you just assume my gender?" He also still firmly believes in Father Christmas. It's an interesting age.

DS is 9 and also used the word gender recently. I took the opportunity to explain the different between biological sex and gender identity ie stereotyping behaviour according to sex depending on the rules/ expectations of a particular society. He totally got it, thought about it for a few days, then came out with the comment that gender was a load of bollocks because Martha likes football and mummy hates pink, so why do we even have gender anyway? I'm proud of him - and he didn't actually say bollocks.
So give your elf a sex, explain gender, and, well, that's it.

Oh you knew full well this is a loaded issue on munsnet before you posted 🤣 otherwise you’d just have said it’s a boy or a girl which is what he is actually asking you. If this is true.