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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

"We won't do presents this year"

25 replies

fantango · 27/11/2019 21:14

Dh and I have said this this year. Previously we've clubbed together for a weekend away, another year we both planned a special day/night out each, another year we set a budget but bought our own presents etc, this year we've said nothing. But does nothing really mean nothing?! I think I need a backup gift in case he still gets me something. Is that a thing?!

FWIW were just doing the kids and our own parents otherwise.

OP posts:

Piixxiiee · 27/11/2019 21:21

I'd get a back up present, we've done this and dh got me a really nice present "from the kids" 😮 I got him socks!

IDontDrinkTea · 27/11/2019 21:22

Every time we’ve agreed to get each other nothing, DH has still bought me a present. And I’ve felt mean because each time I’ve genuinely got him nothing...

CatyaPurella · 27/11/2019 21:29

To me nothing means nothing. If DP is stupid enough not to understand that, then he's a fool!

Ginger1982 · 27/11/2019 21:35

My parents apparently agreed this one Christmas 25 odd years ago. My dad then bought my mum quite an expensive gift. She was furious and it totally spoiled the whole day. I can still remember the atmosphere. I would get a backup just in case!

Kungfupanda67 · 27/11/2019 21:44

Just double check with him? Set a budget for presents from the kids - £20 token present, nothing else?

livingthegoodlife · 27/11/2019 21:48

We've done nothing and it genuinely means nothing. Other times we've set a max of £20. This year is about £100.

I'd go with nothing if that's what you've said.

Drum2018 · 27/11/2019 21:51

I think it's best to set a limit and agree to get something as inevitably one of you will get something leaving the other feeling shit for not getting anything - setting a limit of even £25/30 is a safer option

ChookieYorksBrokenSweatGlands · 27/11/2019 22:04

"Hey DH, you know how we have said no presents this year, can we be clear that we do not buy anything at all so that one of us doesn't end up feeling shitty on the day?"

If he agrees and still goes ahead and buys you something then he is deliberately making you feel shitty on the day and doesn't deserve a back up present from you.

SingaporeSlinky · 27/11/2019 22:06

I’d have another conversation and just clarify, so be absolutely clear that nothing really means that, or if it’s likely one or both of you will crack, then agree a small limit. Probably the latter is the safer option.

Winterdaysarehere · 27/11/2019 22:08

We have a £20 limit. And the items need to fit in a stocking...

Fatted · 27/11/2019 22:08

We agreed to nothing but I know for a fact DH has bought me presents, how much he's spent and what he's got.

user1374384 · 28/11/2019 00:35

Yeah we agreed this one year, and it was probably the best year for presents for me from him. I had genuinely got him morning . Since then I've spent quite a lot on him every year because I didn't trust we could do nothing. However, he's pretty crap at buying me gifts compared to the ones I get him and we are saving for a deposit so I really would rather do nothing this year. So I suggested we buy each other one thing each that was a pre-agreed want or need. I told him I want/need shoes and every time he has asked me for the link I've said he's not having it until he tells me something he wants. I might suggest we go halves on family festival tickets that we would buy anyway as well.

user1374384 · 28/11/2019 00:37

Oh I also suggested we still do stockings too. So we get a surprise and one thing we want.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/11/2019 12:33

Last year I told dh not to get me anything (apart from the usual chocs, without which it's not a proper Christmas) but I knew he'd probably rack his brains and get something anyway.

It was partly because I didn't really want or need anything - certainly no more 'stuff' - and partly because I'd made a rather extravagant one-off purchase in the summer, so I thought that was quite enough £££ for me.

So I went and did a big shop purely for the food bank and told him that was his present to me. He was fine with that.

Will do the same again this year. I know I'm fortunate that there's nothing I need or would really like - at least nothing that's not eyewateringly expensive!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/11/2019 12:35

Should have added, we still do stockings though - little things only.,

MistressMind · 28/11/2019 13:42

Get a box of his favourite chocolates or some reasonably priced alcohol he likes. If he gives you something then bring it out. Otherwise just unwrap it and merge it in with the Christmas food.

My DH loves getting socks! I wouldn't mind except he expects me to enjoy getting them too.

Autumntoowet · 28/11/2019 13:44

We said that last year. Then panicked when Christmas was near and ended up buying random stuff for each other the day before 🤭

WalkiesPlease · 28/11/2019 14:15

Definitely ask him to clarify – surprise presents are lovely but they make you feel guilty too! It's a double edged sword.

Me and DP very quickly got bored of giving each other presents. Instead, we take each other away for a day & night on our birthdays. This Christmas we're going to Edinburgh for a few days the week before, so no presents either. If you'd still like to do something you could set a budget or plan something together for next year, like tickets to an event?

firsttimebuyer20 · 28/11/2019 14:19

Yes double check! Or agree to set a limit and stick to it :)

DH done this to me when I was pregnant. Said we'd get each other nothing (which was fine, although I got him a token gift just in case) and then he gave me a bag of really thoughtful (and some expensive) gifts. I was very upset, although genuinely grateful. It made me feel terrible though 😔

Spanielmadness · 28/11/2019 14:22

Can’t you give him the gift of the promise of a massage, a free pass to go out while you mind the kids, or to do one of ‘his’ household chores for the week? Then you’re still giving a lovely thoughtful gift but it’s free. You could write your promise gift in a nice card.

Spanielmadness · 28/11/2019 14:24

The above suggestion assumes you love and like each other and are kind to each other and gift giving is not a political bargaining tool. Not always the case for many MN relationships! 🤣

DivaRainbow · 28/11/2019 14:38

Me and DH have both agreed no presents and we will have a long weekend away in January. Though im planning on surprising him with a cheap (But I know he will love) gift and I know he will do the same for me. Definitely get a back up gift
X

Mrsmadevans · 28/11/2019 18:12

I bought a couple of things just in case for a couple of Christmas's but when DH didn't give me anything l was very relieved.

JemSynergy · 28/11/2019 18:56

Been with my husband for just over 20 years and we never really buy each other presents, now we have children I buy him a few token presents to open in front of the children, we usually go out in the new year and buy something we really want which are then usually in the sales! Saves a lot of stress!

glitterysocks · 28/11/2019 19:10

I think agreeing to only get each other a token gift and agreeing a limit on what you'll each spend is easier than saying no presents at all.

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