I don't know what to do for Christmas

[Megabustravelling]

My dh and I live 150 miles from my family and just around the corner from his. He only has his father and nan in his close family where as I have siblings, young niece, nan, parents etc. Before we were married we would always spend Xmas apart and he would drive down on Boxing Day to celebrate my birthday with me a few days later. Every other year my sister hosts Xmas day and this year is "her" year where all my family will be. Every Xmas Eve I've always gone to extended families for a party too. I just don't know where I should spend the day really. I know my dh would like me to be with him (and I with him too, of course), but I feel sad about missing out on time with other family too (particularly my Nan who's 91 that I'm extremely close to and I know that my time with her is limited due to age). Though we will come down on Boxing Day, family will be seeing other halves respective families so there won't be any more celebrations to be had. I just feel torn and don't know where I should spend the day. What would you do?

If You’ve gone to his every year for ages. You nan is old. They isnobody on his side that will be alone this year as there are two of them without dp.

I’d be going to his family for Christmas lunch, leaving the two of them together for a relaxed Christmas afternoon at 2pm and heading to your family I’m my car in time for Christmas dinner in the evening. With it without dp. It’s his choice but considering the number of years you’ve sacrificed for him I would expect him to come unless his father is ill or something and may not be here next year.

That’s the thing about families. They tend to expect every year to be the same but compromise is the key.

If there’s only two of them can’t they come with you? Hire a Airbnb or a travel lodge and you can do the parties Christmas Eve and they can come to Christmas dinner.
Then you can’t all go back on Boxing Day and your birthday.

150 isn’t that far - 3 hour drive? I think you can sort out something if you just are both honest about what you would like yo do.

I think you should all make the 150 mile trip and I dont see why you couldn't take his father and nan with you, I'm sure you sister wouldn't mind?

I personally would be away to see my blood relatives. You see your husband daily and no doubt you see his family more often than your own because they live closer.

Invite his family to your sister's with you and your husband (if your sister agrees), or tell your husband to join you after he has seen his family.

I’d urge you to spend the time with your own family Op, especially as you have elderly relatives. You will be glad you did. With my ex I never compromised, he saw his family and I mine.

I’d alternate, but always with DP. One year with your family, next with his.

I think you should do everything you can to spend Christmas Day with loved ones that you haven't spent Christmas Day with for two or more years. anyone you spent christmas day with in 2018 or 2017 is ok to miss seeing on the day itself, if it can't be managed, prioritising those you didn't see on the day in 2018 over those you did.

Christmas is a 12 day festival and includes New Year and Epiphany - so celebrating one of those with people you can't see on the 25th is good.

I don't think married people should be expected to spend Christmas Day apart. families need to understand that you come as a unit and need to divide your time between two families.