Anyone else not doing presents with theirs boyfriends/partners?

[hobbler]

My boyfriend has suggested we don’t do Christmas presents for each other this year because he’s had a big unexpected household bill this month. This is only our second Christmas together and I feel a bit sad that we aren’t doing gifts...
But maybe it is more common than I think amongst couples to not buy each other anything and just celebrate birthdays? Anyone else?

God no, not on the second year!

Although further down the line it's nice to put the money towards doing something together.

Tell him to do a tenner on bits.
We do it.
Get as many silly things as you can.

crustycrab Do you mean god no we should still be doing presents on the second year?

Not on the 2nd year but DH and I aren't doing presents this year. Last year we went away together, the year before we got theatre tickets. So nothing to open on the day really but we just spent the money elsewhere. This year we can't afford it so won't be doing gifts. I wouldn't have liked it that early into our relationship though!

We do a book and chocs each - so enough wiggle room for emotion but no big outlay!

Sorry I'm not sure my post was clear reading that back. Basically I think you should still be doing gifts for your 2nd christmas. It doesn't bother me now though as we've been together (and lived together) for years and we have a lot going on at the minute finances wise.
What about if you go out for a meal together or something? Doesn't have to cost a lot.

I have often suggested it even early on as it can easily get excessive but instead we settled on spend limits.
Even with a spend limit of £20 you can have some fun or find thoughtful gift.

Some years when really hard up we agreed to home made gifts only.

A poem, a picture, or something else doesn’t have to cost more than a few pounds and they are some of my more treasured gifts than stuff

I mean that yes, in the second year you should still be exchanging gifts or something meaningful

We do a token gift of usually chocolate and maybe something small for £5ish doenst need to be a lot

First xmas for us, we have said one cheapish stocking filler type present, we’re going abroad for a weekend in the NY to meet the parents, so we’re treating that as our main gift due to flights etc.

For the last five years or so DH and I only exchange a token gift on Christmas morning but we treat ourselves to a weekend away or an overnight in a posh hotel instead. That’s our “gift” to each other and it suits us but we only started that when we were married with small dc.

I don’t think I’d be too impressed if he’d suggested “let’s not do gifts” by our second Christmas together! I mean I know things aren’t or shouldn’t be important but it’s not so much about the present as the willingness to put in thought and effort. There have been a lot of threads on MN from posters who feel so hurt that their partner doesn’t bother for their birthdays/Christmas/Mother’s Day and it’s usually indicative of a much bigger issue ie that they are totally taken for granted to the point their partner doesn’t give them any thought whatsoever! I’m afraid I’d be a bit at this suggestion so early in the relationship tbh.

We go out for a nice dinner somewhere interesting after Christmas and instead of gifts, we buy each other a novelty bauble for the tree every year. It's become quite the collection! This year JL have a great selection (DP is getting a blue whale). Start a new tradition!

If he’s a minimalist and / or has financial problems, and is consistently thoughtful and attentive in other ways, fair enough.

If he’s a lazy skinflint who’s not that into you, perhaps not.

No, but we haven't had cash flow issues since we got together. It’s disappointing but better than him going into debt... could you suggest a £10-20 limit (depending how broke he is) and just get each other s little token thing?

I know a lovely older couple who have been married for 50+ years and every Christmas he bought her either a piece of jewellery or a bag of emerald toffees. There were a lot of toffee years in their marriage when buying jewellery was completely out of reach. I was admiring her earings when she told me this and she said that she loved those toffees every bit as much as the jewellery.

It’s never about how much you spend.

I think I’d be quite sad. I’ve been with previous boyfriends who have been totally broke at Christmas so we did presents without spending any money (which I loved because of the effort that went into them). So cooking a meal, favourite songs on a CD (it was a long time ago!), photographs of the two of us etc. It just requires a bit more imagination.

I love that story @Barbararara

I think I'd go for a token but thoughtful gift around £10. No gift seems a bit mean especially only 2 years in.

One year my husband and I gave each other half a washing machine each 🤣 we would rather spend the money on the children.

I’d say it’s quite unusual - especially so soon in the relationship.

We won’t be doing Christmas this year as we’re either doing a lot of work to our house next year or moving house!

Maybe set a budget instead of forgoing gifts all together? My mum and her husband did this one year and they didn't spend no more then £20 on each other and they both purchased each other wonderful meaningful gifts as they had to really think on what to spend the £20 on rather than having a large budget and splurging on anything and everything.

Me and DP have always stuck to an agreed budget for Christmas and birthdays :) Maybe once we're older we'll shift to these weekend away type gifts instead, they sound great!

I'd be very sad to be doing absolutely nothing giftwise on only your 2md Christmas together. Could you both agree to make a gift instead?!

At the two year mark I wouldn't agree to no gifts. At the start or our relationship I stupidly told my DH I didn't want a fuss at Christmas or birthdays. He took this literally & it was miserable! At Christmas we now do stockings for one another (or from the dog) so we have something to unwrap but don't spend excessive amounts of money for the sake of it.