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Original poster

How to manage to see all family in 2 days?

29 replies

NemophilistRebel · 13/11/2019 13:11

Every year we take it in turns to be at our parents houses for Christmas.

This year it is the turn to be with my parents.

This means that we will be planned to spend Christmas with DH’s family on Boxing Day.

Generally this works well, but the rest of my family do a similar arrangement which due to timings means they are going to be with my parents on Boxing Day.

I have suggested to DH that we do Boxing Day separately so I can see the rest of my family and he gets to see his.
He’s not happy with this as he wants to do both days together.

Is there a solution I’m not seeing?

OP posts:
AmIThough · 13/11/2019 13:22

You're wanting to break the normal routine so just go to his parents on Xmas day and yours on Boxing Day.

Looneytune253 · 13/11/2019 13:33

Can you not just go to his family Xmas day and then yours Boxing Day? I know you 'take turns' but this is a solution so you get to see everyone which is more important than the date

Arrowfanatic · 13/11/2019 13:40

Change to his on xmas day & yours boxing day. I'm not sure where your making the struggle?

LinnetBird · 13/11/2019 13:42

Solution, stay at home especially if you have dc.
Couldn't be bothered with all the travelling, so made our own family traditions.
I agree with your dh.

ShowOfHands · 13/11/2019 13:51

We used to alternate but hit similar stumbling blocks occasionally and we settled on seeing my family on the 25th and DH's on the 26th. My brother does the same but obviously with his inlaws on the 26th and DH's siblings do the same, seeing inlaws on the 25th and us on the 26th.

LinnetBird · 13/11/2019 13:59

checks for dick head response

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 13/11/2019 14:00

If we swap to his parents on Christmas Day and mine on Boxing Day I would see my family but he would have the same problem that he wouldn’t see his family as they are all there on Boxing Day.
His parents aren’t doing a Christmas and are going elsewhere for Christmas Day.

Otherwise yes, that would have been the simple solution

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 13/11/2019 14:05

Stay at your parents Christmas night, see your family for brunch and then head to DHs? Otherwise I think you have to accept you won't see them and prioritise being with your DH, as that's what he wants on 'his family's' day.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 14:18

Go to one for Boxing Day lunch and one for Boxing Day tea.

WagtailRobin · 13/11/2019 14:25

I wouldn't be missing out on seeing my family in favour of seeing my husband's family and I know that is not an opinion that will be taken kindly on Mumsnet where every second poster seems to believe their acquired family eclipses the family they were raised with.

Your husband isn't happy with your suggestion, you won't be happy missing out on seeing your family, so it's obvious what the solution is, spend the day separately, not a big deal given you see each other the other 364 days of the year anyway.

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 13/11/2019 14:28

@WagtailRobin

That was night thought exactly.

Previous suggestions off fitting both families in in one day won’t work as the family are hours apart and both are planned for PM

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 13/11/2019 14:29

I'm not being a dickhead, I'm pointing out the fact that the question of how to divide up time for families who choose to travel is always answered by people who don't like to travel and therefore beg the question rather. But Merry Christmas anyway!

How far apart are your families? Before we settled on our current way of doing things, we sometimes had Christmas lunch and afternoon with one family and then the evening with the other.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 14:32

I think if you're not both happy to spend the day apart you have to just suck it up and not see your family then as it's his turn to spend Boxing Day with his parents.

You'd have been annoyed if he wanted to pick his family over yours on Xmas day.

BendingSpoons · 13/11/2019 14:38

But Wagtail her husband wants her there. So you are saying ignore what he wants and do your own thing? I don't think couples need to be joined at the hip but I do think you should take your partner's feelings into account. The established plan is you go to his family and he wants that so it seems unfair to me to say you basically don't care about that.

ysmaem · 13/11/2019 14:45

Can you not invite the family you wont see on xmas day to your house or maybe go and see them in the days between boxing day and new years? It would be a little unfair for your DH to spend the day with your family on xmas day and for you not to spend the day with his non boxing day like you've planned to do.

inwood · 13/11/2019 17:52

Stay at home if they want to see you they can travel. Best decision I ever made last year and will be carrying on for years to come.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/11/2019 17:59

Wagtail do you have DC and DH?

CornishMaid1 · 13/11/2019 18:01

Whilst I wouldn't say your inlaws are more important than your family, you have a set routine and should stick to that, so your family on Christmas Day and his on Boxing Day. It would be unfair to DH to suddenly want both days with your family, in the same way that it would be unfair to you if reversed.

If you don't want to miss out, why not organise a separate family 'Christmas' with all of your side later, such as on New Year's Day?

Lovemusic33 · 13/11/2019 19:48

There are other days in the year you can see your family? New year etc..?

I’m not sure why people make a fuss about seeing everyone, I just stay at home and maybe visit my mum in the afternoon. I don’t see all my family over Christmas, maybe a few of them on Christmas Eve 😐

Ginger1982 · 13/11/2019 19:57

Do you not see your family very often?

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 13/11/2019 20:34

Some of the family coming on Boxing Day it’s a once in a year thing.

Then again, the fact that they are a once in a year thing goes to show neither myself or them make an effort to see each other any more than that

My immediate family (sisters and brothers) I obviously love to see all the time and can arrange another time. Which is what I think I will do

OP posts:
DreamingofSunshine · 14/11/2019 08:48

I think you've reached a good conclusion OP, if you really want to see the other relatives you can find another time. I sympathise as its really tricky to fit in seeing everyone.

sawyersfishbiscuits · 14/11/2019 09:37

I think there's a film with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon that sums it up. Four Christmases?

ifonly4 · 14/11/2019 10:37

If it's been set in stone for a few years that you alternate, his parents will be expecting you. Regarding seeing others in the family, see them at others times, ie before Xmas, over New Year. Either you go there, or they come to you depending on whose got the most time to travel.

eastmidswarwicknightnanny · 14/11/2019 12:35

We have xmas at home just us always have although as a nurse I used to work xmas morning and more so since kids they dont want to be out visiting.

Our family are all now 200 miles away we visit at some point around xmas and will stay one night with my FIL. We go to each parent (all seperated) so 4 houses over 2 days and siblings have to come to one of those. So we leave home 7am on day 1 and then we travel back around teatime on day 2.

It's a rush but barely anyone comes here my mum and sister are only ones who make an effort to see us and we do days out through yr where we meet with kids so xmas is more to see those who cant be arsed to travel themselves :)