How to word a msg in family WhatsApp re gifts

[curlyLJ]

I want to suggest to DH's wider family (of which there are lots of nieces/nephews, their kids etc) that we do things differently this year but I don't know how to word it in case it doesn't come across how it's intended...

Basically there are lots of kids who I'm happy to buy for, but I'd like to stop the adult gifts. We have a huge pre-Christmas get-together for pressie swapping which is lovely, but DH and I end up with a load of tat and/or chocolate that we don't really want or need. I'd prefer that money be spent on the kids rather than all the 'token' boxes of chocs, bottles of wine etc. It would make all the shopping easier for a start, buts it's just unnecessary. I love that we all get together and that's all I need!

Also, last year, from this group alone my kids ended up with 10 selection boxes each (even though we bought toys/books for the other kids) and I would rather it didn't happen again. Would it seem rude to say please don't buy chocolate? I don't want anyone to feel they have to spend loads of money, so I just don't know how to word it.

Has anyone done similar? Is it a good/bad idea? Should I just stay quiet and accept things as they are?

Suggest secret Santa?
Presence instead of presents. This is what we do for friends. We plan days out instead for new year!!

I took a deep breath a few years ago and did this.
Was totally successful- we just buy for the kids now. No one took offence- everyone was relieved to have less shopping to do!

Well you should've done this much earlier in the year! What if they've already bought presents?

Suggest Secret Santa - everyone buys for 1x adult and 2x kids? Say it's to save everyone stress/money/the planet but keep the gift swapping/choosing tradition.

I would imagine the other families would be relieved to no longer have to buy for that money adults. The cost notwithstanding, that’s just so much time and hassle in finding suitable gifts for everyone. I would stop short of telling people what to buy for your children though. Selection boxes are a cheap and easy gift and I don’t think it’s ever ok to ever tell people what to buy unless explicitly asked (allergies are different obviously) especially knowing that an alternative gift is likely to cost more. I’d also leave this until next year and bring it up then as you’ll probably find that some of your relatives have started shopping already.

Are there any adults in this group without children?

Because my BIL (a few years ago) threw a bit of a strop re buying for his nieces and nephews when he had no children.

My Dsis suggested no exchange at all when her kids got older but mine were still little (we live in different countries and was a bit of a hassle with shipping etc) and I was a bit sad but they get enough and it is fine.

I would suggest a combination of secret santa for adults-a price limit and then think about how to do the children-

however this suggestion might need to be for next year-I know I've started shopping.

We just buy for children and childless siblings as otherwise they give gifts and get nothing back.

I think you’ve left it really late for this year!!

Surely it's up to your dh to post this? If my SIL tried to tell me to stop buying gifts for my siblings I'd be like wtf. Sort your own lot out and let him do ours!

1. This would be better coming from your H than you, as it’s his family

1. It’s better bringing it up in face to face or phone conversation rather than by messaging.

1. Better to open the discussion with a question: “How do you feel about just buying presents for the children in future?”

1. Yes, probably too late for this year. Maybe the Christmas get together would be a good opportunity to float the idea for next year.

You might have left it a bit late for this year. But if noone has started shopping I would go from an environmental angle and suggest only buying for kids and a secret Santa for adults

I think it needs to be your DH's suggestion as it's his family.

Also you may be too late to change it for this year.

Definitely too late this year. I’d be rather annoyed if I was told not to buy gifts if I’d already put the time and effort into choosing them.

Next year suggest adults do secret Santa, and all buy for the kiddies. Secret Santa is great at Xmas gatherings as well, lots of fun.

"Hi everyone, this year we are not in a position to buy Christmas presents for adults so please don't buy anything for us. We will buy for the kids as usual but can we cap it at £x for kids?"

That way they can all continue to buy tat for each other so they don't have to miss out if they don't want to.

It's not too late, if anyone has bought stuff already they can either return it or give it to someone else.

Thanks for the replies. I agree it's probably a bit late for this year, but I'm dreading the thought of all the shopping!

Although it's his family, we've been together for 20 years and I know them all well enough to be able to say things like this to them. They know I do all the shopping (and always have done) anyway.

It's hard to do face to face as we only ever all see each other together in one place at Christmas.

I'll maybe spk to my SIL separately and see what she thinks first.

If they don't take the hint and keep giving selection boxes, just take them to your nearest food bank after Christmas.

last year and this year we are doing secret santa. it was great last year. probably a lot of people feel the same way as you do.

@Butterymuffin that's fine, except I know the kids were a bit deflated in the end (after opening the same thing over and over) in fact in the end they sussed the shape and didn't bother unwrapping.
Their kids were running around excitedly with the things we'd bought them!
I'd rather them buy a pack of colouring pencils or something if they don't have much money, it was just too much chocolate in the end.

Did they all buy the other kids selection boxes too or just yours?? I’d follow their lead and go with a job lot of selection boxes this year.

You're dreading the shopping, they make life easy for themselves, you didn't make your children even unwrap their gifts .

Just follow suit and buy them all books or colouring pencils

We do a secret Santa for the adults. However, I would suggest a change for next year - as a PP said they may already have bought presents for this year.

Ok, then maybe ask for vouchers? Sounds like they can't arsed thinking of presents to suit each child, but at least with vouchers or money your kids could look forward to choosing something for themselves.

@crustycrab no I didn't make them open them. We didn't do them one-by-one and nobody would have noticed as the house was just a huge mass of wrapping paper and gifts being passed around!
In fact it was so chaotic, DH said he'd rather do it differently this year (but has done nothing about it)

Anyway, this was on a day before Christmas so I had mentioned to them that some gifts should be kept until the actual day. The kids all had a huge shopper bag each to put their gifts into so they didn't get mixed up. They just put the unwrapped ones in their bag with the opened ones.

Another one for secret santa or family presents. We have a large circle of good friends and the amount of children is eye watering. Now it's much easier and thoughtful