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Christmas

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What do you do for Christmas?

25 replies

FlowersInMyGarden · 12/11/2019 12:07

What do you do at Christmas in terms of your side of the family and inlaws. Do you spend one or some days with your parents and siblings and other days with the inlaws? Do you spend anytime at home? Or do your parents or inlaws come to your house? Or is it one big family event with your parents and inlaws? Do you alternate each year? Or is it travelling between two families in one day? Who does the bulk of the cooking? Does the person who does the bulk of the cooking get any help with preparation, cooking or clean up? Or do you go out for Christmas Dinner with the family? Any guilt trips from family members because what you do isn't enough or doesn't suit them? Have you got stuck in a routine and family members just assume the same is happening again without asking?

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 12/11/2019 16:51

Our situation is tricky because PIL's have had Christmas Day for the past 40 years, and boxing day at SIL's since she got married 10 years ago and they won't vary this routine. My parents are more flexible, they're happy to host or to come to us and they try not to put pressure on us but I know they would hate not to see us over Christmas.
We fell into the trap of alternating between my DP's and his early on in an attempt to keep things "fair"- big mistake!! This set up the expectation (from PIL's particularly) that whatever was going on in our lives that year (with work, babies, house moves, illness whatever) this arrangement was set in stone and all that mattered was whose "turn" it was. And PIL would sulk when it wasn't their year so it didn't achieve the desired effect of keeping everyone happy. I finally knocked the alternating thing on the head when PIL's kicked off about me wanting to spend Christmas with my dying GF, which was was unreasonable apparently because it was 'their' turn. So the following year we had Christmas at home as we felt we needed to break the cycle.

Now we decide what we're doing for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day on a year by year basis. But our non-negotiables are that we see each set of parents at some point over Christmas but we won't squeeze in both sets on Christmas day (tried it, too rushed and stressful!) and that the kids get to wake up in their own house on Christmas morning. If we stay at home for Christmas Day DH always cooks simply because he's the better cook and he enjoys it. This year we're having DH's Parents and extended family over on Christmas Eve (we'll do a buffet, which DH and I will sort between us), on Christmas day once the kids have opened their presents we'll head to my Parents for lunch (we will try to help with cooking but my DM won't let us and we won't protest too much Grin) and will stay overnight, then Boxing day will be a lazy day at home just us.

rosydreams · 12/11/2019 20:58

generally alternate each year a different relative.But this year we cant get to either on the day so we are visiting a few weeks prior.Taking a weekend to go up to Blackpool to visit one side.Then down to London to see the other another weekend.

My other half parents are the only family that live close by the rest are in Blackpool wile my family in London.So on the day they will be visiting us at home for a few hours.

I will cook christmas lunch for all of us.My other half cant cook but i can rely on him to peel veg and clean up.I tend to make a dessert i can make in advance to minimise the amount of work on the day.I cook lamb in the slow cooker as the main this allows for added space in the oven.Cooking vegetables in the steamer also makes life easier.I do not ask the mother in law to be to help as i would receive a lot of criticism and end up being stressed on a day thats not meant to be stressful. Having her over for a few hours vs staying with her is best for all family members including her son.Shes fine to spend time with for a few hours but not a day.

AuchAyeTheNo · 14/11/2019 00:19

We used to split the day. It would be in laws in the morning/lunch and to my side later afternoon. It worked because otherwise I wouldn’t have seen some of my family. Now it’s just morning at home and my family later on in the day. We don’t see in-laws anymore due to a variety of reasons until Boxing Day or the 27th

Stefoscope · 14/11/2019 00:31

Always Christmas day with MIL as she kicks up a fuss if we don't. She doesn't like that BIL and SIL alternate years between her and SIL's parents. My Mum is more laidback and happy to see us whenever over the holiday, so we normally end up going over for New Years Day. Honestly, I'd rather stay at home or host once in a while as having to travel for a nearly 4 hour round trip eats into the day somewhat. I did suggest a compromise of meeting for a pub lunch halfway between where we live and MIL's so I could also invite my Mum, but MIL wasn't having any of it.

WhatsInAName19 · 14/11/2019 00:48

DH's family are a dead loss so they don't really factor much in our plans. His mum (and stepdad if he can be arsed) will want to pop round for 20 minutes at the most inconvenient point on Christmas morning same as every year. They aren't interested in coming for lunch, coming for an evening buffet etc. They just want this tiny 20 minutes but it absolutely HAS to be exactly when they want it 🙄 His dad and stepmum live hours away and always spend Christmas "as a family" with DH's (adult) stepsisters. Apparently DH doesn't count as family because he's never had an invite 🤷🏼‍♀️ They usually all come to ours en masse at some point either before or after Christmas for a meal and then visit other family locally as well.

On Christmas day we have my parents, siblings, partners/spouses and kids round for lunch and everyone tends to stay all afternoon/evening. We have a few drinks and play games and just relax. It's lovely. I do almost all of the prep but I love cooking so it's not a chore to me. Mum and dad chip in with the cost. Siblings usually bring something I.e. one of them will make mulled wine, another a cheese board, another will bring the veggie option.

We are pretty entrenched in the routine, but I don't think it would be an issue if I said we were doing something different for a change. They all know that I want to spend a Christmas on holiday somewhere tropical one day.

PenguinsOnParade · 14/11/2019 01:06

We spend the morning at home opening presents (DH, 2DC and I) then head over to my DPs' house on the other side of town. DH's parents have both passed away now.

My brother and SIL spend Christmas Eve with SIL's family then also go to DPs' house for Christmas Day. Once they arrive (they have a longer journey) we have a second round of present opening.

I do all the cooking (I love it and DM hates it so I don't mind) and we eat in the evening rather than afternoon then play games after dinner. We all stay at DPs house as they have a larger house with enough spare rooms for us all. I would much rather have my own kitchen to cook in but we don't have as much space for people to stay.

DC go to their dad's on Boxing Day and SIL cooks the meal then but other than that it's a similar day to Christmas Day for us, just without the presents. We also watch anything we recorded on the TV on Christmas Day that we really want to watch.

Star2015 · 14/11/2019 03:29

Luckily for me DH isn’t close to his family, sees them once a fortnight for an hour and that’s enough so it would never occur to him to spend any more than an hour with his family on Christmas Day. When I say family I mean his mom and her partner. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad.

This means we spend Christmas Eve, day and Boxing Day with my family. We did try having Christmas Day on our own at home one year and both just counted down the hours until we went to my parents.

My brother has a partner now and so they are alternating between families. This year they are coming to my parents.

Christmas Eve we will head over around 2pm, we have hot pork sandwiches then go to the church service and over the road to our local cricket club. Christmas Day and Boxing Day we have a Christmas dinner (just variations of different things on different days).

My mom cooks, she loves it. I will help prepare the starters, and will do other odd jobs such as mash potatoes and dish up but nothing too much.

I’ll bake mince pies, sausage rolls, cakes etc to take around over the festive period.

We buy the crackers for Christmas Day and Boxing Day as well as the Christmas pudding. I’ve also got lots of American sweets and chocolate to take around this year from our trip earlier this year. And we always buy a new game to play on Christmas afternoon/night.

I absolutely love the Christmas period and wouldnt change it for the world.

Oldraver · 15/11/2019 13:16

We moved away from family when we got married. Be decided to have our first Christmas in our own home, DH was so overwhelmed as to how nice it was, he said he always wanted to do that. My folks were running a pub and his Mums was like bleak house so that suited me.

When we had DC we said we would stick to Christmas in our own house as didn't want to drag them away at Christmas, but anyone was welcome to join us. MIL came twice and my folks twice. I know my Mum was sulking as we never went there and even when they were free they decided they would rather go abroad...

So we get a quiet peaceful no stressy Christmas just the four of us

BarbedBloom · 15/11/2019 19:24

No children. DH and I used to alternate, but due to DH's job being back 5am on 27th and our current lack of car, we have been at home for the past two years and my family pops in for drinks, presents and nibbles. MIL can't come down as we have a 1 bed flat and I can't offer her my bed due to my RA.

We normally have our dinner christmas eve and just eat party food and watch movies on the day. This year I am doing dinner for my side though, which will be interesting.

MrsPear · 15/11/2019 21:02

I cleverly married someone who is from a different culture - there Christmas is new year. So every year we travel to a big house in the country with my family then we travel back to spend new year with his / we spend time at each so we don’t notice the travelling. It’s like 2 mini breaks one after the other.

Ellapaella · 15/11/2019 22:00

We never spend Christmas Day with extended family - we prefer it to be just us in our house on Christmas Day.
Since we stopped hosting or travelling to anyone else's it's been a much more enjoyable day, far less stress and pressure.
We usually meet up with DH's family a couple of days before Christmas (they live fairly local) - usually we take all the kids tho the panto together and then go out for tea afterwards.
We see DH's parents again on Boxing Day to exchange gifts and go for a family walk on the beach.
My parents and my sisters family all live close to each other (but 5 hours from us) so they spend Christmas Day together and then my parents either come to us the day after Boxing Day or we go to stay with them from the 27th until after new year.

Redspider1 · 15/11/2019 22:09

We used to host Christmas Day lots with up to 15 for dinner. Then my lovely DM died 5 years ago, DF decided to hardly see us after he found another woman. DH’s mum has invited us once in 22 years of marriage. Last year we had it at home just the 4 of us and I loved it.

StCharlotte · 18/11/2019 08:28

No DC and no fixed plan. Last year had paramedic neighbour after her night shift plus lovely MIL and another couple with no children. Everyone knows each other and it was okay.

It's all terribly civilised and "naice" but the lack of children around renders it a bit more meaningless as the years go by so this year we're buggering off to Spain Grin

missyB1 · 18/11/2019 08:37

In laws live in South Africa and flights are too expensive at Christmas so we don’t go. My family live 200 miles away from us, and both my parents have passed away.

So it’s just us and our boys. It’s quiet and I sometimes feel a bit sad that I don’t have any of my siblings around. But the positive side is we can do Christmas how we want.

runwithme · 18/11/2019 08:56

Christmas is at home with Dh, 2 DC and DM, sometimes IL come, sometimes they dont. If they dont then we will see them the day after Boxing Day (stay the night). We see my DGP on Boxing Day.

Cherryrainbow · 18/11/2019 10:22

My son alternates his xmas days between mine and his dad's. This year he is at his dad's so I'm going to do my son's presents and meal on xmas eve, take it easy as he might want to watch movies or go on the ps4 (it'll be just us as my oh is working until 7).
His dad will pick him up about 10am I imagine xmas morning so I'll do him a nice breakfast. My oh and I will probs open our presents from each other and then we are going to my parents for Xmas dinner.
My oh has his son on boxing day so we will spend the day at his parents with extended family on boxing day.

KronksSpinachPuffs · 18/11/2019 10:25

My PIL usually go away for Christmas which has always made it really easy for us as we will see my side/host my side at ours.

This year PIL arent going away so we are hosting everyone - my parents, sis, nieces and nephews and PIL. Seems like a good compromise for us as we dont have to spend time travelling between the 2 :)

KronksSpinachPuffs · 18/11/2019 10:29

Forgot to add we're also having both of my grandparents over Smile

Titsywoo · 18/11/2019 10:32

It's quite easy for us as my parents own a business and have to work throughout xmas. So we spend xmas eve with my MIL and her partner then have xmas day alone at home with the DC and see my parents on 27th during their quiet period. FIL has advancing dementia and lives with his wife about 4-5 hours away so we don't see him over xmas.

Parky04 · 18/11/2019 10:36

We have spent every single year (for the past 24 years) on our own for Christmas day. At first the parents on both sides were pissed off but soon got used to it. We then spent boxing day with one set of parents and new years day with the other set. Christmas day this year will be no different.

Everycloud12 · 18/11/2019 10:36

My pil don't celebrate Christmas so I go to my parents every year and stay until new year. All the siblings are together and we have a great time. Various friends and neighbors pop in over the Christmas period.

I do feel a bit sad every year when I think what it will be like when my parents are no long around. They are central to everything. My siblings and I feel so secure and comforted knowing that the family home is as it's always been and Christmas is the same every year.

BiddyPop · 18/11/2019 10:44

If we are at home in our own house, we generally manage to get "down home" during December for a weekend and visit both. And we will always manage to visit over the Christmas break - we go to DP's for NYE (there's a big family gathering) and visit DSIL's family en route (they're about 30km apart, almost 280 km from our house), and then go a further 200km to DMIL and DBIL's family, before completing the (slightly circular) journey 270km home again. That's usually a 2-4 day trip, depending on what else is going on.

On years that we go "down home", we rent a cottage in the locality. As DPs and DMIL are 20 km apart and both want every moment they can get, give us guilt trips about spending too much time in the other house, and we get no peace at all if we don't have an independent base. So, all the (very few available) rentals require payment for a full week for Christmas, we usually stay for most of the week if not all.

We spend time in both houses around the day, (in fact, we have sometimes driven down the 2 cars for this trip to get around and allow us to split time better across the 2 houses and get other things done also!).

And on the day, we get up, have breakfast, go to mass. Then into DMILs in mid-morning for turkey lunch, presents, etc, for about 4-5 hours. Then on to DPs in late afternoon for another 4-5 hours doing presents, turkey dinner and then waddle back to the cottage to groan at our full bellies and sleep.

Boxing Day is DD's birthday, so we always host a gathering and any of either family who are available come along - if we are in our own house, there may occasionally be 1 or 2 people up, if we are "down home" there can be up to 25 over the course of the day (if it's a year that everyone is "home") - but not usually all at the same time as there are other extended family gatherings that day that some need to juggle around.

I'd really love a year when someone actually comes to us for Christmas, or at least, doesn't give us a guilt trip if we decide to stay put and suit ourselves. Because we are always really busy, between FT work (including international travel for both DH and I), dealing with DD's SN's (ASD/ADHD - high functioning but still lots of problems that need managing), and extra-curricular activities (mostly to support DD but we've become sucked into the organisation of them as "people who are willing") - we literally don't have any mornings to sit at home with the papers or just do nothing, so Christmas Day is a very very precious day of doing nothing and no expectations.....on the years we manage to stay at home at least. (Well, we still have mass and a couple of visits to make, but it is a slower paced day that starts much later than normal - even Christmas Eve means having to be in work by 9am!).

Eventrider1 · 18/11/2019 10:50

I tend to have parents and PIL come to ours as both sets only live about 10mins away from us.
My SIL is an only child so my brother often has to spend Christmas with her parents, so I always make sure I see mine on Christmas Day. PIL have 3 sons and grandchildren spread over the country so it depends where they are going. If they aren't visiting the others, they will come to spend the afternoon at ours. That way, me and DH don't feel like we are rushing from one family to another, meaning someone misses out on lunch with us, and they can all leave when it suits them.

livingthegoodlife · 18/11/2019 11:47

We stay at home with the children. Just us. In-laws usually have plans with one of SIL and my parents are busy hosting siblings & partners.

We haven't yet invited anyone to us on Christmas day.... We have such a lovely chilled day that I'm not sure I can face "hosting".

We have around an additional 14 people or so over for evening drinks & food on boxing Day. It's lovely to see everyone and a good excuse to order lots of yummy food from Waitrose/m&s.

At some point, probably when the Children are older I might invite in-laws to us.

Sn0tnose · 18/11/2019 14:53

We’re normally at home, just me and DH, and it’s bliss. He’ll get up super early and get the turkey ready to go in the oven. He wakes me up at around 6 to exchange presents (we go all out on presents for each other) and then we’ll phone family to wish them a happy Christmas. We’ll prepare dinner together, cleaning up as we go, then have a lovely, relaxing day together. My family might pop in at some point during the day, but it’s very relaxed and casual. It’s my favourite time of year.

DH works in retail so working over Christmas is pretty much obligatory, so travelling to the in laws is rare. They have an open house at Christmas with a real party atmosphere so it’s very different when we do go, but still lovely.

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