Difficult SIL and first Xmas

[RJoneszy]

Tips on how to deal with difficult SIL and controlling MIL?

This is the first Xmas I am spending with DP (we are engaged) in 8 years.

He has always been to my parents for the past 2 years as his parents have been to SIL's house (DP's brothers).

I am nervous as it will be the first Xmas I have spent away from my family !!

No kids

Tell us a bit about how they behave? I have 2 of these myself so may be able to help!

Are you just going for dinner? If so arrive just before dinner, eat, help with the clearing up/washing dishes, and then leave. If you have to travel there, book a hotel or b&b and again, arrive for dinner and leave whenever you wish afterwards.

Are there particular problems you are anticipating or do you just have a bad feeling?

@Drum2018 I try to help with SIL as in help wash up and put things away but I am told to 'just leave it'... apparently not doing anything right!

She loves DP more than me... tries to get him involved with the kids but leave me out as if I'm invisible. I would say it's me but I have seen it for the last 8 years.

@SnuggyBuggy MIL and SIL are very bossy with my DP as he is the youngest of 3 siblings. Gets him to clean up and look after kids. He cannot stand up for himself with them at all. I don't want it to ruin my Xmas really.

I really apologise if I offend anyone but SIL is South African so very opinionated at times and very loud. Anything I say she disagrees with.

She prob just loud and opinionated anyway regardless of where she's from.

Just try and grin and bare it. If all else fails 'did you mean to be so rude' the old mumsnet classic.

Or just mumsnet on xmas day everyone will prob have their own issues to post we will all help each other through

@beckyvardy thank you! I'll surely be on here

I think all you can do is try not to get riled up. I mean you can't control their behaviour but you can yours. Or else pretend to be Louis Theroux doing a documentary about difficult people.

Why even go? Your partner should go as they are his family and he has spent the last couple with yours but don't put yourself through something which makes you uncomfortable.

Can he not see his family, you spend the day with yours and then the two of you get together in the evening?

It can help to see the silver lining. If she doesn’t want your help then relax and leave her to it.

If you’re going to be invisible then bring a book, or read a magazine or the papers and enjoy the benefit.

I really wouldn’t get involved with how they talk to your dp. Let him work that through in time. Tbf if she’s bossy with him, and ignoring you it sounds like she has poor social skills. I’ve found with my in laws that finding compassion for their short comings took the sting out of their difficult behaviour. I’m much more detached than I used to be but I will freely admit that’s on foot of years of therapy and not just a flippant comment from a stranger online

Just go with the flow, don’t have any expectations and don’t spend time comparing it to Xmas at your own family. It is what it is. A family get together with a meal.

I agree with Babarara, but rather than her compassion, I've perfected my 'WTF stare into the distance' in the style of Tim from the Office.

@FireUnderpants