Heading for a lonely Christmas with DH's family

[nibdedibble]

So before I start I want to say that they are not unreasonable, they aren't toxic, they are just quite far up themselves in a lot of ways.

We've been invited as part of DH's small family for Christmas at the in-laws' again. DH loves it, because he's quite a socially unaware person (bless him) and it's his family, so it all goes quite well for him.

I haven't got much in common with any of them, apart from a couple of decades of being in the family. MIL has a big ego and want to talk about herself but emphatically nothing difficult and it's all been a bit difficult this year with my job and the kids' school and my family and the world in general, so I know not to bring any of that up (even though it's kind of all-consuming).

BIL is in media, bit shallow, and I have tried, believe me I've tried for 20 years but he has the personality of a stick. SIL is lovely and I like her a lot but nobody in that family can hold a conversation for longer than two minutes so I've never got to know her properly. I strongly suspect I am just DH's wife and they do the polite thing but we will never be close (which is fine, we are different).

The men all do the cooking and in past years I've tried to get involved in that side but, you know, they're all fine. There isn't a place for me. They are nice about it but they want to hang out together and talk food and politics. I can be on the periphery. I've tried showing my love with food, which is what they do - nobody's that bothered. It's ok if I make stuff but it tends to go into the fridge/in a cupboard and get forgotten.

The kids don't need me, they need wifi and a quiet place to look at their phones.

I knew this was coming, and in the summer broached the idea of going away for Christmas but it didn't go anywhere. It would just be rude to bring a book, which honestly would be my preference WWYD?

Yeah I think Jassy has great advice - if they insist there’s nothing for you to do just be all ‘Oh fab! You’re so on top of things I’ll just grab myself a gin and get stuck into my Christmas books!’

I think I'm going to get a mild virus and nap upstairs a lot (with a book and maybe a stash of chocolate).

Sounds like a perfect way to spend Christmas to me.

We used to fight about who could walk the dog at Christmases past for this reason

I second the idea of taking sewing/knitting/crochet with you.

They stay the same so you can only change how you deal with them.

An alternative to the gingerbread house depending on DNs age is to make marzipan fruits. Doesn’t involve much brain power but can be used to fill however long. Just need block of marzipan, some food colouring, petit four cases or empty chocolate box to put them in and cloves to make stalks of the fruit. Also big bumper puzzle book (even if you hide your book or a magazine in it).

Thanks all.

Spoke to dh who shares my concerns about his mother and I think took on board that I actually need help from him to manage these 3 days. So we're going to make a plan which doesn't involve him cooking quietly for three days straight.

I'm still dreading it but I'm also going to have fall-back plans where I am doing stuff and just not available to be a recipient of MIL's ego-driven proclamations. I think if I mix-and-match activities I can 'use up' the time and not feel too put-upon.

Basically - controlled absence and busy-ness, punctuated by booze

Jassy 'active oddness' - love it!

Good luck!

I think the best way to tackle it is to have a plan. And at least, you also know that DH is aware of it and hopefully will be more supportive too.