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Original poster

How do I stop my kid ruining Christmas at school??

29 replies

GruffalOH · 27/10/2019 19:10

My 4 year old doesn't believe in Santa. We've done the usual Santa things, written letters, stocking from Santa, mince pie with a bite out etc., but she just doesn't buy it. She just says "but it's you really". I haven't even confirmed that it is me! I just say vague "how would I fit down the chimney?" type things. I don't want to outright lie and say "of course he's real you pain in the arse, if you don't believe it you're getting nothing"...but there is no persuading her in the usual ways. She's always been a factual kid. Doesn't believe in fairies, unicorns, anything else fantastical.

Anyway, this year the problem is that she's at school now. And I can imagine when the Santa chat starts then we'll become a pretty unpopular family... I've told her all about St. Nicholas and doing kind things and giving gifts and how st Nicholas was definitely real and he's where Santa started etc., but all that seems to have done is result in her saying the other day "Santa used to give gifts to people but now he's dead" Shock Shock Shock which I also don't want her saying at school!!

I've told her we can't tell people he's dead because that would make them sad, and I've said lots of people go to see Santa ("but it's just someone dressed up isn't it") and believe in him etc so we can't tell them he's not real... but she's 4 and is therefore likely just to say something one day because to her it's just a fact.

How do I save Christmas for Reception Class P??!! (Ideally without forcing my kid to believe something she's decided not to!)

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2019 19:13

Don’t worry about it. Teachers are used to children having differing views on Father Christmas. Let your daughter say what she wants.

OpheliaBee · 27/10/2019 19:13

Your kid sounds clever and adorable.

I’d tell her that lots of boys and girls do believe in Santa but it’s okay that she doesn’t want to, as long as she doesn’t spoil the fun for anyone else.

HappyParent2000 · 27/10/2019 19:13

Same issue with us but not as bad as you seem to have it.

I didn’t think children sank too much into it for it to be an issue, we have always gone with the line about in the child wanting to believe makes it.

Ours knows isn’t real but also still gets involved, at least we will never need to hell then that Santa doesn’t exist.

HumphreyCobblers · 27/10/2019 19:15

I would just leave her to it. It isn't as if you can control this situation!

The other children will cope and just continue to believe themselves if they want to.

Barbarara · 27/10/2019 20:42

Why not be honest with her? You can still play the “Santa game” and go through all the motions. Just let her know that lots of people do believe and that it’s better to let them find out from their mums and dads

Dustybun · 27/10/2019 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorelloKisses · 27/10/2019 20:48

for what it is worth, by DD at 4 was a massive sceptic 'it was just people dressed up' when we saw the most realistic Santa and elves ever. now at 6 she is a true believer, hook, line and sinker. (She actually asked what religion she is if it is Santa that she believes in).

I don't believe I particularly encouraged either fanatical stand, I was vague and vaguely pro-Santa as you describe in your op.

As far as i know she hasn't ruined anyones Christmas...

StandardPoodles · 27/10/2019 21:24

My 8 year old has never believed so we told him it was a game that people played and lots of children believe santa is real because it makes christmas more fun for them. We also explained that it would be mean to spoil other peoples games and so we just let people believe what they want. He's always been kind and played along with it at school or if other adults ask him about it.

Imustbemad00 · 27/10/2019 21:54

Have you never told her he’s real then?

Isadora2007 · 27/10/2019 22:07

It’s fine. Just tell her people believe different things and that’s okay. Life isn’t about right and wrong really in many ways. She can believe what she likes but other people like to believe something else. I wouldnt liken it to religion as I think it’s different to raise your children to believe in something because you do than to tell them something that you know isn’t true for the “magic” 🙄

Original poster
GruffalOH · 27/10/2019 22:44

This is reassuring! Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I shall reiterate that lots of people believe, and it's not nice to spoil it for them, and hope that she doesn't get into any major fights with kids (or me with parents!), but leave it up to the teacher to adjudicate any chats at school.

And because I used to love the idea of Santa, I'll continue doing the same "I believe" routine at home... she at least enjoys playing along and writing letters etc, even if she's a sceptic at heart ;) thankfully she's not a total scrooge about it!

OP posts:
BalloonWhisk · 27/10/2019 23:04

We’ve never done Father Christmas as literally true, but there are lots of children from non-Christian backgrounds in his class who don’t do Christmas at all. There’s never been a sense of DS potentially letting cats out of bags.

drspouse · 27/10/2019 23:16

I would imagine most Reception classes would regard her as the deluded one, don't worry! They will believe the teacher.

JoanieCash · 27/10/2019 23:18

My dad was similar (but perhaps not as bad) and I said to her ‘bit he only comes to kids who believe’ and she’s been a hardcore believer since. She doesn’t want to risk it!

JoanieCash · 27/10/2019 23:19

Dd not sad!

JoanieCash · 27/10/2019 23:19

Aah ffs typos

Neome · 27/10/2019 23:21

"Santa stories are a Christmas game lots of people like to play. You dont have to play if you don't want to but being nice at Chritmas means not spoiling other people's games"

JustAnotherMammi · 27/10/2019 23:23

I'd also leave her too it rather than stress her out and confuse her. They probably won't believe her at 4 anyway if their parents and teacher say they're real.

Drinkciderfromalemon · 27/10/2019 23:26

I was that child. I never told others as my dm just told me not to! so I just played along when others discussed it. I felt the magic every time though- I knew he wasnt real, but the whole Christmas thing is so exciting regardless as a small child.

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 27/10/2019 23:38

So sorry for your little one she doesn’t believe but it’s a shame if she spoils it for others

What!? Grin
So bizarre to overthink this to that extent Hmm
Christmas is NOT ruined if a child rightly doesn't believe that a fat stranger creeps into her house one night a year. Biscuit

nurseymummyx · 27/10/2019 23:51

Wait.... Santa's not real?! 😮

nurseymummyx · 27/10/2019 23:53

Your daughter sounds lovely and so sweet! I wouldn't worry too much about it, my daughter is total opposite and still believes at nine and I worry about her friends as I've heard there comments about him not being real, but she takes no notice.. They don't read into things as much as we do I don't think :) don't worry hun xx

Canklesforankles · 28/10/2019 00:15

It’s tricky. We used to say that some people believe it’s true and others think it’s a lovely story and it’s up to you what you think.

My eldest sussed it out straight away after noting that Santa at the shopping centre was different to the one at the school fair. No amount of us insisting Santa had helpers did any good.

My next child is very scientific and logical and said at a young age that it just wasn’t possible and refused to believe any magic explanation.

Funnily enough they then went for it with the younger two, hyping up the whole thing, “Can you hear sleigh bells?” [santa]

With the younger two PNP or Portable North Pole added to the hype.

Anyway I don’t remember my non believers causing problems at school. We did get some feedback about them sharing how babies are made though!

chugmonkey · 28/10/2019 07:42

Your child sounds precociously bright OP, good for them!
When our children questioned about Father Christmas being real we just said that the pretending is all part of the fun and given that we want everyone to enjoy the festivities we go along with it.
My kids are 11, 12 & 14 and we still give gifts from 'Father Christmas', watch the space station go past in the night sky and laugh about it being the sleigh and reindeer, threaten poor behavioural choices with 'Father Christmas taking you off his list'.
We never lied to our kids about this but we have still really enjoyed it all anyway.

KindOranges · 28/10/2019 11:09

Honestly, for this to be a big deal, I would have said you'd have to live in a very monocultural area. DS (a FC non-believer, now aged 7) is used to kids in his class who believe/don't believe in Allah, Yahweh, Jesus, the Hindu pantheon etc, and seems to have no issue with applying that to other beliefs, too.