Sister in law will only spend Christmas with her family

[Pinkfuzzyduck33]

My sister in law and I are both in relationships with two brothers from the same family. They are engaged and we are in a long term relationship. Unfortunately we live several hours away from one another, they have been invited to spend Christmas with our partners family. Her partner would like to come but she refuses as her nephew will be experiencing Christmas for the first time with her family. They have not spent Christmas with our partners family in 6 years and instead have spent it with her family. This is one of many times my sister in law has refused to engage with the family and put hers before our partners. I know this is upsetting my partners parents and I find this really upsetting on behalf of my partners parents and my partner as it feels like a big 'get lost' from her. Particularly as my in laws have said they will pay for them to visit. Am I being unreasonable ? Should I say something ?

If you got involved and gave a piece of your mind what exactly would happen ?

Your SIL might say why and cause your MIL some irreparable hurt?

It might create a permanent rift, that you get the blame for ?

What's wrong with doing the British thing of being perfectly nice to her face and behind her back rolling your eyes, tutting and offering MIL a sympathetic ear

I think your real worry is that they won't share the burden down the line but that's a different chat entirely

Might sil might say the same about me. We spend every Christmas at home and not at either parents but I know it's a sore point with my parents-in-law (other children do every other year).

I'd never tell them the reasons though, I find their Christmas very unchristmassy, they're judgemental about too many presents and I enjoy our very laid back relaxed attitude rather than standing on ceremony all the time.

It is up to her what she wants to do

She isn't your SIL, she's the girl your boyfriend's brother is engaged to. If she doesn't want to spend Christmas with your boyfriend's parents that's her choice, you really should not get involved and you do not need to fight a battle for his parents, if they have an issue they can speak to their son about it.

Does she have the only grandkids in the family? If so expect the dynamics to change when you have kids. My DS used to the opposite and spend every christmas with bil’s family (not just the day but big long weekends), to the point where we didn’t even seen her kids at any point during the festive season. She wasn’t ever interested in the festivities (I would cook at my parents’ and other siblings would come; it was fun but sad without the only kids in the family). Then DB had a child and DS got so jealous of the ‘baby’s first christmas’ celebration we arranged that she hasn’t missed a single christmas since.