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Christmas

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Original poster

DS wants a mobile phone for Christmas

21 replies

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 15:51

DS will be almost 12 come Christmas. He's asking for a phone (I don't allow any talk about Christmas in our house until after Halloween but has has said to me a few times so I'm expecting the onslaught to begin on 1st November!)

I know this is a very wide open discussion and ultimately we have to do what's right for us, but I'd like a ball-park on it anyway. DH is totally against the idea whereas I'm a bit more open. He's got an iPad mini but it's quite old and the battery isn't great on it now. He loves to listen to music (we have an Apple Music family subscription) so I know he'd use it for that. He's got a PS4 and chats & plays with pals on that. I guess our main concern is texting and snapchat that sort of thing. He'll be going to secondary school in September and he tells me that all of his circle of friends have a mobile phone already. Any of the parents that I know, I've asked and he's right. If we got one, it would be an iPhone 6 that DH could get through work so not hugely expensive, probably what we paid for the PS4 when he got that.

So, is 11/12 too young for a mobile phone?

OP posts:

tinierclanger · 07/10/2019 15:55

I don’t know any kids round here that didn’t have a phone once they started high school, and I would say the vast majority of them got them some time during YR6.

DeadDoorpost · 07/10/2019 15:58

Personally I'd get him a cheap one if you're concerned about snap chat, and not bother getting a smart phone. (Saying this as a 25yr old btw)
DH and I are having the same discussion at the moment even though DS isn't even 2 yet because he likes to be thoroughly prepared and is rather stubborn on certain things. I'm more like you, open to discuss it and let him have one.

roseenglishrose · 07/10/2019 15:59

We weren't particularly early and DS got his at just 11.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 16:03

See, I think if he's going to have a phone then why not get him one that he'll like. He's already used to Apple, having an iPad and DH and I both have iPhones, I don't see the point in getting him a cheap non-smart phone. That's no disrespect to anyone who does choose that route for their DC, but I always go a bit OTT at Christmas and I know if he was to get an iPhone (like I said it wouldn't be the latest & greatest model) that would be a really cool present for him and he'd love it.

It's just if we get one at all that's the issue. DH says no but I'm leaning towards yes. I'll just have to make sure we're really up to speed on how to 'police' the use of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 16:07

@DeadDoorpost I wonder what technology you'll be fretting over by the time your DS is 12?! The advances in technology scare me sometimes!

OP posts:

tinierclanger · 07/10/2019 16:09

Well, everyone makes their own rules about the policing, but yes I’d say you need to lay all that out upfront. Eg will it have overnight downtime, what time does that start, are there specific occasions when the phone has to be put away/turned off, are you reserving the right to check messages? I’d get a plan in place for all that before the phone appears!

Greeni · 07/10/2019 16:11

I would say 11yo is when everyone gets a phone near me, it’s when they want a bit more independence, can call you if the bus is late or to ask if a friend can come round etc

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 16:14

@tinierclanger yes we're quite strict on that sort of thing already, he's only allowed on the playstation and iPad at weekends, and any accounts he has (for YouTube etc) are linked to my account so I can see what's going on. We have restrictions set on the iPad and the PS4 is not in his bedroom, the iPad has to be left downstairs when he's going to bed etc. He tells us we're the most over-protective parents in the world!! So from that perspective I'm not to worried, I'm sure he'll expect there to be rules I'm just a bit nervous about when he does actually have it. Right now he has no means of messaging anyone, I've explained that once you send a message that's it you can't take it back and so you have to think before you send it etc. I suppose that's just something they all have to learn but it makes me so nervous!

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 07/10/2019 16:16

My ds had a phone as soon as he travelled by himself. However not a valuable one, because he’d either lose it or get mugged for it. It stays downstairs charging overnight and he’s banned from using it in school hours anyway.
He had a basic £75 android which does everything he needs for now. We don’t really do brands.

BrieAndChilli · 07/10/2019 16:18

sorry is your son in year 6 or 7? you said he will be nearly 12 at xmas which would make him year 7 but then say hes going to secondary school in sep?

i think in this day and age its normal for kids to have some sort of phone by the time they start secondary school. In my kids years it was normal for them to get a phone for thier 11th birthday in year 6.

i think its good for tem to get it in year 6 as they then have time to get used to using them and all the navigation of texting etc while they are still with thier 'safe' friends from primary school that they have known for years and whos parents i know well. it meant that we could monitor thier communications and of a parent saw something posted they didnt think was approriate they would let te other parents know, we then could all have discussions with our own children about it.
then when they go into year 7 with diffeent children they have already made thier 'mistakes' with regards to how they come across in a text etc and boundaries have already been established with social media etc

DeadDoorpost · 07/10/2019 16:19

@LifeInAHamsterWheel don't get me started 😁😁😑 knowing my luck, something incredibly useful will be invented and DH will spend ages debating over it.

I usually just smile and nod...

TamarindCove · 07/10/2019 16:19

At my child’s school, year 5 seems to be when the majority are getting phones and by year 6 it’s pretty much the norm.

hairyheadphones · 07/10/2019 16:19

I gave my son one of my older DDs iPhones when he turned 11. He has special needs (ASD/adhd) so is emotionally less mature than his peers. For him it made sense for him to get it while still in primary as he was learning how to message etc with people he knew well so in a way seemed safer as his circle was smaller. He actually seems quite sensible with it.

LoonyLunaLoo · 07/10/2019 16:25

He’s right, everyone will have a phone by the time they go to high school. Some schools even allow children to do research on them during lessons! Ds is 10 and in year 6, he’s had a phone for ages but most of his friends have got them by now too. He has an iPhone XR which is insured but we’ve never had issues with him losing or breaking it.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 16:29

Sorry @BrieAndChilli we're not in the UK, DS is in his last year in primary school and will start secondary in September.

It does seem that he's right when he says that everyone else has a phone

He's a really great kid, but can be a bit of a clown sometimes, but I think he'd be so grateful for this gift that he'd take care of it.

I'll discuss some more with DH, thanks for all the feedback.

OP posts:

Morgan12 · 07/10/2019 16:39

I'd get him one but say no to snapchat.

pumkinspicetime · 07/10/2019 16:43

My ds got their phones moving up to secondary school. There is the odd dc that doesn't have one.
They have iPhone 7s. Because we all have them it means we have find my phone and find my friends which is useful for seeing where they are or tracking missing phones.

Okki · 07/10/2019 21:08

My DD had one the term before secondary so she could get used to it. It's an old iPhone of mine. It has parental controls on it so she has restricted times per day for games and the phone has downtime at night so she can't access or receive messages. I've also put a tracker app on it as she gets the bus and I can always see where she is. We both have the NetAware app (an NSPCC app) on our phones so if she wants an app she checks what it says about age, safety etc and knows whether or not to bother asking me if she can have it.

I know that compared to a lot of parents I'm strict as she has no social media whatsoever but she manages fine and has a great group of friends. Her school also doesn't allow mobile phones to be used on site.

Original poster

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/10/2019 21:35

That sounds good @Okki

OP posts:

pumkinspicetime · 07/10/2019 21:40

My dc also have parental approval so they have to get permission before any apps can be downloaded, as well as screen time limits.
School does a lot online including homework management with dc having school emails. They are in year 7. So phones help with that.

delilahbucket · 07/10/2019 21:47

DS got his the summer before secondary school. He did have use of an old phone prior to this which he used for games and WhatsApp, but it was too big for him to take out the house and it was never his phone. He has a Samsung but secondhand. I told him he had a budget of £60 and he picked one he liked and decided to put some of his own money towards it as it was over budget.
It has a robust case and screen protector. He knows if it gets broken there will not be another smart phone. He's always looked after devices so I'm not too concerned.
As it is Android we have the app family link, which means I have control over the phone. App downloads, when it goes on and off, how long he can use it for, GPS tracking etc. He knows that I can and do check his messages often and if anything untoward is said in messaging he is to screenshot and tell me immediately. He isn't allowed Snapchat, just WhatsApp and he uses Instagram.

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