How to stop giving presents

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How do you stop giving presents?

I have given presents to a friend’s children for years and years. I don’t have children myself. I receive nothing back from friend, ever, not even a cheap bottle of wine or a box of chocs. I want to just stop, how do I do that diplomatically.

Can I say something like - the children are now over 10, so I’m going to stop Xmas gifts. I appreciate you don’t give to receive but I have given for over ten years.

I think it's not the expectation of reciprical gifts rather the ungratefulness/lack of feeling for them shown.

But @CherryPavlova I’ve not expected a reciprocal gift. If I did, I would have stopped after the first year when I got nothing in return. I have given for 10 plus years, I now want to stop (nicely). I have been v altruistic over that 10 year period, however I just don’t feel like it any more. Also the children are nearly teenagers. Also my friend makes no effort with me as I do not have DC and am therefore uninteresting in her eyes.

Also I don’t understand your paragraph about small thoughtful gifts etc. Not sure how that is relevant to my original post?

I can’t see that there’s any benefit to any of you in saying something. Whether you say something or just stop, the dc may be briefly disappointed and then will get over it. But a conversation, particularly given your feelings, has the potential to do damage to what’s left of your relationship.

Do you want to keep this relationship? Do you want to use this as an opening for a conversation about your hurt feelings? There’s a risk of coming across as petty and grasping when the issue isn’t that she didn’t reciprocate the gift, but that you feel marginalized.
I’d quietly drop the gift giving, and perhaps send a Christmas card to the family so it’s obvious that your gift isn’t lost in the post. And if you want to have the other conversation, don’t bring the gifts into it.

I would just casually mention you are cutting back on Xmas gifts and now only buying for close family form now on. Said with a smile no offence will be taken.

Given she doesn't buy for you I just wouldn't buy for them at all anymore (for birthdays or Christmas) - no announcement necessary. It's not as if she has a right to be annoyed if you don't get her kids a gift. Don't buy anything, don't mention it just simply stop.

Do the children thank you? If yes, that is thanks enough. If not why have you continued for 10 years? Especially as you say the mother has no time for you.

I wouldn’t even mention it. Just don’t buy them gifts. If they ask where their gifts are then they are cf of the highest order.
Cutting back on Christmas gifts is life changing. I’m down to very close relatives and it’s great, so stress free and much better for the finances.

Just don't get them anything. They probably won't even notice, most kids these days get so many presents anyway.

You’ve been more than generous buying presents for ten years. I would just go down the route that you’re having to cut back a bit this year as money’s a bit tighter.

Send a message like this :
Hi All
Just to let you know that I have decided to stop buying Christmas presents from now on. Instead I will be making a yearly donation to (insert cause). I will, of course, not be expecting to receive any presents either. Christmas has got so commercialised and everyone already has so much that I thought it was more in the true spirit of Christmas to give to this charity instead. I’m sure you will all understand.

Even if you only send it to her address it “dear all” so it sounds like you are doing it to everyone

We actually do this. Only buy for parents and our own kids and then make a donation of cash or toys to a local charity

Charity donation is a good one. In previous years, John Lewis has run an online gift list service for women and children who’ll spend Christmas in a refuge.

I think there’s a bigger problem here though, namely her general attitude.

Good luck ttc. I truly hope you’ll be pregnant by Christmas.