I don't want to keep doing this. Help me convince my friends.

[miaCara]

I belong to a group of friends who have for many years bought each other presents for Christmas and birthdays. We all have similar incomes and draws on our outgoings so money isn't really a consideration. However as the years go past it has become more and more difficult to buy nice things for several adult women who all have the money and inclination to buy treats for themselves. A couple of us want to free ourselves from the xmas present burden.

Birthdays are less of a problem as they are spread throughout the year and often vouchers are acceptable. This is not the case for Xmas!

The problem is that a couple of the group really like Xmas and relish the challenge of getting appropriate gifts for each. And they weren't present when the subject came up.
So - how do we put the suggestion to the group as a whole without making it sound like a decision was made without the whole group being included?

Could you perhaps suggest a secret Santa where you only have to buy one gift? And have a set budget for it?

You could always suggest moving to a Secret Santa arrangement! My similar friendship group did this and put a £10 limit on it. That's where the challenge comes in for the ones who really enjoy gift-giving.

Or just say, this is silly at our age, let's bin off Christmas and just buy for birthdays from now on.

If its the same group of friends maybe do a secret santa type thing.

Or you put the money you would have spent and all go out for a nice meal/spa session/Xmas market wander

Give the gift of ungifting. I used to buy for friends and their children but not anymore as it became too much and was stressful. I only buy for my kids and family now.

Secret Santa is a good idea.

Otherwise I'd just send a group email / WhatsApp and just say "sorry ladies, I'm bowing out of the present giving this year, too many neices and nephews to buy for!". Others can then jump on your bandwagon if they want.

Tough one, I'm one of those annoying friends that enjoys all the Christmas gift buying and giving. I really like buying for people. I think the secret Santa idea could be good. You can buy a nicer quality present for just one friend and still get together and enjoy seeing everyone open their gifts. It's a compromise because you only have the pressure of one gift but they still get the fun. I'd keep the birthdays if they are spread out.

I’d think a Secret Santa would be the way to go. There is a website that you can enter all names into, and then it will randomly pair the people up. Then at least you know who you’re buying for and can buy appropriately.

Can’t link but it’s called Elfster.

I would be inclined to say my whole family was trying to avoid Stuff and go for experiences instead, so why not spend the gift money on xyz experience? Do a one-off class together, or theatre trip, or afternoon tea or whatever.
I think a lot of families are doing this so it shouldn’t seem crazy.

And quite possibly you’re not the only one who’d be relieved

I like the idea of not wanting more stuff and having experiences instead. So as a group, you give yourself a present, and go and celebrate Christmas somewhere. It could be a high tea at the Ritz, a fancy dinner, spa day (sorry, couldn't resist including that one!!), the adult course at Go Ape, anything really!!!

Thank you for your responses.
We already do Secret Santa! As well as the normal presents! And we regularly do the spa day/treat weekends as part of our group activities.
See - we are all spoiled and need nothing more. Some of us don't need the stress though hence the chat. Its not just me but I have sort of been designated message writer.

Do you have a group WhatsApp? I’d just send a message saying that you would prefer not to give or receive gifts this year. Someone has to set the ball rolling. Don’t be drawn on your reasons as people can get sucked into a values war very easily. Better to be a bit vague in your reasons but firm in your resolve. Keep the secret Santa or group experience option back as a compromise but don’t lead with it.
Chances are a few others will join you and it will snowball from there.

Wow just read your update. That’s a lot! Definitely time to scale back on gifts.

I think it's fine for everyone to decide for themselves. Gifts aren't for you (from this group) so I'd say that and then people can decide whether they're in team gifts or not.

If team gifts has more than one person (!) then they can choose to carry on between them.