AIBU to not buy MIL's gifts ?

[Whoopstheregomyinsides]

Message today from MIL saying "please buy and send to me the gifts for whoops sons" my DSs. As it's easier for her. Also she's decided she's not buying us gifts this year and giving money as easier and they want vouchers. Adult gifts I can't get excited about - but I do think exchanging vouchers for the same value to each other is insane and you may as well not bother. The kids, I get she can't be bothered trying to think of stuff but I usually give ideas and links. She is in good health, proficient eBay user and online shopper, having recently tested three supermarkets using introductory offers and drives to shops 2/3 times a week. She can't be bothered. I get it. But why should I when I'm working full time and am also expected to cook her Christmas dinner. Every single year. Would it be bad to say no - I'm too busy and ask for her to just get them a voucher. Kids are 12 and 7 so they'll miss out on opening gifts but equally why should I have to do double shopping? Gah. I used to love Christmas...still love shopping for my children and friends and love the bargain threads though!! What to do? I want to go out for lunch too but can't broach that yet!

If I had in-laws planted on me for Christmas dinner every year I'd book a meal for just family, and be sure to tell them only when it was too late for them to book. But I'm lazy, and got fed up after years of suiting everyone but myself.

So do you never get to host your own family on Christmas Day OP? (assuming you'd want to that is) I'd definitely object to having to have MIL for dinner every year, especially if she doesn't return the favour. You should either book to eat out for a change, or tell your DH that it's not on that you're the one doing all the work for his family every year and he needs to pitch in more. As far as the presents go, I'd be responding that unfortunately you don't have time to shop for the wider family and won't be doing so, but you're happy to send links/ideas if that would help.

I host everyone- so my parents and his plus my sister and his brother every year...

In that case OP I'd suggest occasional years you go for a meal out, or you get your guests to help out by bringing starters/desserts. This will help keep the cost down for you too. Definitely get them to help with the clearing up afterwards if they're not doing so.

Seriously, you need to put a stop to hosting them all. Let your sister or his brother host ye for a change. If your sister did it for your side, then his brother could have his parents. Unless you really love having them all for the day, you need to put the word out now that you are not doing it this year so can someone else take their turn. If nobody offers then just stand firm on not having them and yourself and Dh can do a relaxed dinner for yourselves and the kids. Let the rest of them sort their own day. There's no sense bringing the stress and extra financial strain of it on yourself when you are perfectly entitled to say no.

As for the presents, I agree with just asking for a voucher if that's easiest for you. Personally it doesn't bother me to buy the gifts from godparents (in our case we buy for godchildren only, grandparents deceased). Kids make a list of what they'd like and I'd allocate one gift from godparent. They then reimburse me.

Must be something in the name whoops

My mil rang yesterday and told me she wanted to buy dd a watch for her birthday.
I offered info on brands etc and she said I was to buy it.
I told dd to pick a watch on amazon from granny.

The older she gets the more she treats people like staff!!

Agreed. It's one thing doing it every year if you like hosting but you clearly don't. When it's a chore and you're being taken for granted it's time to change it. It has to come from you - no one else will step in. Maybe tell them this year that you're having a quiet family Christmas next year because it's all got a bit much and you need a break. If it does end up being just your immediate family, your DH should be able to cook too. He has to start somewhere. But it sounds like you need to step down before anyone else will step up.

I think your text is a bit too passive - "Please just get the boys a voucher each for x as that would be easier for me" implies it's your problem. It's not, it's hers - she's the one who first said "i don't want to do this thing because it's easier for me.".

I'd go with something like the above suggestions "The boys would like [link] or [link] or feel free to get them vouchers instead. I'm afraid I don't have time to get your presents as well as my own! We'll be in touch soon to talk about christmas dinner - I'm plamnning to spend more time with the kids this year and less in the kitchen, so if you and FIL and BIL could bring some dishes, that would be great - otherwise its going to be a lot of bought extras."

For reasons which are outing my sister and BIL aren't capable of hosting (genuinely- they aren't lazy).
She's replied and now if I give links she'll buy stuff but said she's got health stuff she's fretting about so I now feel like a prize bitch.

Lots of people have health stuff they are fretting about and still buy presents? Are these for christmas? Text back and say well you have months no need to focus on presents yet if you have other things going on! Hope everything’s ok, you can always talk to us Xx

Cheery, supportive, says your present buying is your problem.

Giving her the links for her to buy the presents will give her something to think about other than sitting there worrying about her health, so don't feel bad about that.
Also tell everyone to bring a contribution for the Christmas lunch - from wine, to pudding and mince pies and if someone doesn't like prawns for starters - tell them to bring something they do like, and enough of it to share.

Don't feel like a bitch. If she'd have said "hi whoops, I'm having some health problems at the moment so will struggle to get the boys presents. Could you help me out?" I assume you would've done.

If you know what your dcs want, can't you send links so she can buy them online? Knowing what to buy is usually the hardest part.

If she's normally capable I don't see why she can't do that - except that she CBA.

She usually gets links from me then shops herself so that's why I was taken aback. I've set out my stall now of being busy so hopefully she'll go with vouchers and it'll be easy for everyone !

I’d message her and say “they’d appreciate a voucher or cash and it will be easier for you to post that way since we’re going out for Christmas lunch so won’t be seeing you on the day itself.”

Oh for fs sake, how long will it take her to click on a link that YOU'VE provided, input her credit card details and hit 'Buy now' ?!? It will get delivered to her door and all she has to do is wang it in a gift bag and bring it with her on the day, job done. She just sounds lazy and manipulative to me 🙄

Throwing in the health references at that point was interesting timing. (Especially considering she's still got 3 months to buy the presents.]

Am I really reading this shit? Tell your husband he needs to speak to his mother and sort out the situation with presents from her to your kids. You stay out of it and let them come to some decisions.

Why are you hosting Christmas dinner every year and they do nothing? Why is your DH incapable of taking on a joint role when hosting?

I’d say stop hosting now.

Jeez, I love Christmas and hosting and buying presents but this would suck me dry!