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Christmas

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Original poster

Expectations and age gaps?

23 replies

SomebodysPerson · 29/08/2019 15:40

DS will be 3 and DSS will be 10 by Christmas.

For DS I am getting:
A playmobil penguin set
Buzz lightyear walkie talkies
Doctor player
Accessory for his train tracks
Buzz Lighthear talking toy

DSS has asked for a particular Harry Potter lego set - he got quite a bit last year (when our budget was much bigger) and they are all he plays with so that's fine, it's a good investment for him. BUT it will cost the same as all of his brother's toys put together and I'm reluctant to spend more just for the sake of it.

At the same time, just getting one present will be disappointing no matter how explain the difference in cost to him.

Both will get a stocking and a couple of books from Father Christmas. My DSS will also then be going home to his mum's, who will have a huge pile of presents for him to open.

I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that I wont ruin christmas morning if he just has one present (as well as a couple of books and a stocking). His birthday is within days of Christmas too so it's so easy to go overboard and I'm really trying to cut back.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 29/08/2019 15:46

*doctor playset- so stethoscope etc in a little case

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Cherryrainbow · 29/08/2019 15:55

Honestly I've found with boys and men in general they are really happy to receive what they asked for and anything else is a bonus so if he receives the Lego set he asked for he's gunna be chuffed :)

I think it's easy for everyone to worry about quantity over quality, but 1. As people get older the stuff they want tends to be bigger and higher prices anyway think consoles etc. 2. Most people would rather have what they asked for, or a single quality thing, over lots of small things.

Also you never know, there might be Lego deals or sales in the next few months :) or included in the usual 2 for so much or 3 for 2 offer and stuff like that?

postmanwatcher · 29/08/2019 15:55

Regardless of when his birthday is or any of the other stuff. He will be gutted to get one present while his brother has loads. You will be seen to be making a difference. Even just get hom a few cheap things to even it up. But I'm sure someone else will come along and disagree with me. I personally wouldn't just give him one present.

Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 29/08/2019 16:16

Both sides then Grin I do think I would feel far too guilty just getting him the one, I might get a few clothes and art supplies that he will need over the next year.

He does understand that he will get less than his brother because he wants mich more expensive things (and also I get a lot of my son's things second hand which is harder with DSS as I never see anything he will like). And last year when I explained to him that his "pile" would be much smaller because of price differences, he even said himself "Well yeah, and this will only be half my presents anyway as the rest will be at mum's".

But I think postman is right and I will need to get a few other bits!

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Chillisauceboss · 29/08/2019 16:18

I agree @postmanwatcher he will feel left out watching his younger brother open numerous boxes and gifts. Can you bulk his out with cheaper things so he has a few more items to open? Alternatively if that's absolutely not an option could your 3 year old receive one / some of his gifts spread through December so it's not such an obvious difference on Christmas Day. You could then bulk up your youngest with cheaper toys on Christmas Day like colouring books or stickers.

Chillisauceboss · 29/08/2019 16:20

It could also be an option perhaps to save some of your youngests gifts to open when oldest goes to his Mums? May even keep youngest on an even keel emotionally throughout the day!

ForeverBubblegum · 29/08/2019 16:23

Can you make things you were going to buy anyway into gifts? Eg. If he'll need new pj's soon, spend slightly more on harry potter ones and wrap them up for Christmas.

More cost effective than buying random tat to bulk up his pile.

girlywhirly · 29/08/2019 16:40

Give DS the Buzz Lightyear toys and the Penguin set on Christmas Day, then save the other things for after DSS has gone home, or for Boxing Day morning. It’s not a bad idea to spread out gifts anyway with a small child.

LoonyLunaLoo · 29/08/2019 17:11

He sounds like a very sensible boy!

I agree with a compromise of getting a few bits that he’d need anyway. How about nipping to Primark and getting a couple of tops and maybe a onesie/ dressing gown? Maybe Harry Potter themed? Or a new duvet cover, DS got a Harry Potter one from Primark last year and it literally comes off his bed, gets washed and goes straight back on!

LoonyLunaLoo · 29/08/2019 17:12

Oh yeah and definitely keep a few of your DS’s back for Boxing Day.

Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 29/08/2019 17:25

He is a very sensible boy. Also incredibly loving and sweet and not very materialistic!

The problem is we have recently redecorated both of their rooms so they have has new bedding and bedroom accessories (all Harry Potter for DSS) so cant get anything like that, but will definitely utilise primark for their Harry Potter stuff.

I'll definitely hold back a couple of bits for DS for the afternoon too.

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LoonyLunaLoo · 29/08/2019 17:40

Bless him, it sound like you have a lovely relationship.

I posted before but it mustn’t have worked, Amazon have the Knight Bus for £26.99, could you get him the and surprise him with 2 sets instead of one?

Barbarara · 30/08/2019 06:55

This is only the start of it! As he gets older he’ll be eyeing up computer games, consoles, phones, laptops.... it gets more expensive as they get older. And I think you have to decide whether to adjust your budget accordingly or not.

Regardless of the price of the main gift, it’s a bit miserable only opening one if everyone else is still opening a pile. Even if it’s just a packet of favorite sweets wrapped up, I’d still match numbers of gifts (or reduce the amount the 3 year old gets now while there’s a chance to easily scale back)

user1493413286 · 30/08/2019 07:00

We said that to DSD last year and it was fine; she also gets lots of presents at her mums so it didn’t really matter to her.

Whathappenedtothelego · 30/08/2019 18:03

Can you get a little present for him "from" his brother? Lego Harry Potter blind bags? Or just a little Lego set?
And he could give one of the presents you have for the three year old to be from him. (Maybe Walkie talkies as they could play with them together.
That way, DS has a slightly smaller pile from you, DSs gets to be excited about the walkie talkies, and gets 2 presents rather than one.

MrsElf · 31/08/2019 16:31

I think whathappenedtothelegos idea is fantastic. Lego blind bag for DSS from DS, walkie talkies for DS from DSS.
Save one present for when he leaves (which will distract DS if you don’t want to play with the walkie talkies) then it’s 6 presents:4 presents. Add a selection box and either clothes OR a craft thing to DSS’s pile - done, they’re even.
Will they have presents from family and friends as well? If it’s literally a stocking, a big Lego set and 2 books, that’s very different to a stocking, Lego, books, something from DH parents, something from DH sibling(s), something from your parents, something from your sibling(s), something from his godparents, something from the babysitter you and DH use, a little treat from Mrs Jones next door ...

EdtheBear · 31/08/2019 18:09

I think I'd bulk up DSS pile with some little things, books, selection box, PJs, t-shirt, hoodie.

But keep in mind he will presumably get gifts at his mums house too.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/08/2019 18:23

Tbh I would expect to spend a bit more on a 10yo than a 3yo. I think a 10yo would be a bit sad having only 1 present while the little one has a pile.

Could you not add in a few cheap things at least? Jar of sweets or something?

Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 01/09/2019 09:40

They'll both get a small sack of presents from MIL, selection boxes/small presents from my brothers, money and a present from my parents, plus a stocking from Santa as well as some books each. Hence why I'm trying to keep it minimal!

Love the suggestion of getting DSS something from DS, and giving DS the walkie talkies from DSS to even things out a bit too, and holding a few things back for after he has left. I'll no doubt end up picking a few small bits up for both of them too over the next few months, I'm just trying to avoid the annual creep. My DS is young enough for me to start doing smaller christmas present piles whereas my DSS is very used to getting a large pile of gifts at one house then going straight to another house for more.

For what it's worth, DSS will get presents from two sets of parents, five sets of grandparents, and about ten aunts and uncles. So I know he will be thrilled and happy on christmas day but I dont want him to feel even momentarily disappointed.

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Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 01/09/2019 09:43

Tbh I would expect to spend a bit more on a 10yo than a 3yo

I get this, but this is all my son is going to get - DSS will go to his other home and get to do the whole thing over again. My son's main presents (before stockings and books) will come to about £60 since I've got the Buzz Lightyear toy second hand, DSS's one toy (which is all he has asked for) is £85. So buying him even more for the sake of him being a bit older seeks a bit materialistic and unnecessary. But as I said, I will balance things out a bit.

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Original poster
SomebodysPerson · 01/09/2019 09:46

Also I want my DSS to have some understanding of budgets and finances, and I want him to understand that if he asks for something that will cost the entire budget, then that is his decision but that he won't get much more just for the sake of it. I have already suggested to him that if he were to ask for a smaller lego set he could have a few more presents and he said it was fine and that he wanted the big one.

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Isadora2007 · 01/09/2019 10:01

As your DSS gets two Christmases there is no reason why you can’t do similar for your wee one-like a few Xmas eve presents or holding some back for Xmas day evening? I also think you can bulk up presents with like a new toothbrush or pjs or maybe a Harry Potter themed sweet box or similar?

Sweetooth92 · 11/09/2019 22:36

I don’t see why it needs to be even to be honest. It’s a huge age gap, same/similar financial value and DSS is going to go to his mums to more.
Life isn’t fair-your DS will grow up knowing DSS gets two lots of presents to his one as he’s older, half the holidays etc.
I don’t see why presents need to be totally even too

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