Lowering children's expectations?

[Firsttimekittenowner]

I'm wanting to have a smaller Christmas this year, for both financial reasons and the fact that both me and dh are busier than usual this year and won't have much time off.

We have 4 children from 9-1yo and although I wouldn't say they're 'spoilt' , they do usually get everything they ask for, we do loads of christmas themed activities like markets, meeting Santa, ice skating, seeing lights ect, elf on shelf, parties, baking and crafts. Most of this won't be feasible this year and I'm almost regretting making such a big deal of christmas in the past because we now can't keep up with it.

I also don't want to cook a massive dinner that none of the children will eat (plus I've gone veggie so won't be eating turkey!) so would appreciate any meal ideas that are still a bit special.

Can I have some suggestions on how to gently lower my children's expectations and celebrate Christmas in a different way that is still fun?

I think you need to plan what you can reasonably do/afford this year. Do you really have to do ice-skating or parties? Would the DC really miss half of what you do?

Regarding food, plan your meals so that you don’t buy what you don’t need, and maybe opt for chicken for the DC and DH, cheaper and tastier, and more forgiving of being a little bit overcooked.

When I went back to work I told the kids that now mum and dad were both working we could do one activity a week on a weekend day and the older two took it in turns to choose

Plan ahead so that you can prioritise spending eg choose one paid for activity like Panto and book/pay soon. Then look at free activities like visiting local garden centres to see the lights or going for a walk round the neighbourhood judging the best tree/lights then hot choc at home. If you go to the market could you either set a budget for the kids or use the trip to tick some items off the Xmas shopping?
Be honest with the older kids about the finances and what that will mean to them- eg you can have one bigger present but not small bits or if you want a pile of presents there can’t be a main gift. Could there be a joint gift if wanting a bigger one? Like a games console to share? The bike company does a monthly payment thing where you pay for a bike in instalments and either get the bike at the end or upgrade to next size of bike. From tiny bikes upwards. Xmas dvd nights in and craft activities could be fun but not expensive. Oh and don’t worry about Xmas dinner- I don’t think kids would be that bothered tbh- let them each make a special request for their favourite food and it doesn’t have to be a “Xmas dinner” as such.

I agree with Isadora, find out all the free things to do in your town.

Set a budget for gifts.

In addition, would the DC enjoy a simple buffet instead of a roast lunch? Or pigs in blankets and chips? It doesn’t matter for one day.

Consider limiting or stopping Christmas cards, they take lots of time to write for the time-poor, and the postage adds up. Although the DC could make cards for grandparents and relatives as part of their crafting.

See what you can find in the sales, and put away for Christmas. Also don’t be afraid to include practical items that they need in stockings if they have them, socks, bubble bath, stationery items.

Tell the DC that Elf on a shelf has gone on holiday for the whole of December. Great fun for the kids, but a pain for adults to remember to set it up every night for the next day. See if they miss it at all?

I do a nut roast as the alternative meal at Christmas. Loads of cashews in it! With vegan cauliflower cheese and roast potatoes and all the veggies!

But that's what we like.

What do you and your kids like to eat? Ask them for their favourite foods and perhaps make a meal of all their faves. Ultimate treat!!

Regarding Christmas.
You can timetable. Book things in advance for weekends and let them choose something each. Things like the cinema can be in November/October. Elf on a Shelf is total bollocks and just for social media anyway so just don't mention it and if you're asked "oh! Yes! He didn't come did he? You guys must be behaving well" (if that's why he was there last year?)

Don't underestimate replacing expensive things with a bag or two of microwave popcorn, cushions and blankets and a family film together.

Children adjust and adapt. Get excited about what you're doing together and don't worry about what you're not x

As PP said, spend a bit of time researching cheap-to-free activities you can do. There are loads of christmassy things that cost little.

Find a garden centre with an amazing display and let them choose one new decoration each for the tree.

Go to a free 'pat the reindeer' thing.

Have a day at home when you make paper chains out of collected magazines and hang them.

Find a local road where they do competitive lights as go to watch their switch on.

Go to a christingle or crib service (cultural even if you are not religious).

Have a hot chocolate bar with lots of toppings and watch a Christmas movie.

We have a couple of great woodland/country walking spots near us, assuming you have similar what about a walk to collect pinecones and maybe a bit of holly? Once the pinecones have dried out you could decorate them if you want but otherwise they're nice in a big bowl - it's more the collecting them that's the point! Depending on budget you could have a hot chocolate in the cafe afterwards or take a flask of the same and find a log to perch on.

Don't forget that if you wind down now, you are setting lower expectations for the younger ones - the 1 yr old will know no different - and the 9 yr old will soon be growing out of some things (while poss claiming not to be)

So I'd try and think of the things you as adults have enjoyed the least vs what the kids enjoyed AND was cheap.

This should help you come up with a much shorter list of stuff you really want to do.

Avoiding social media like the plague in November/December should help too - we did less than half of this stuff in our childhoods and Christmas was still amazing. Markets didn't exist, lights were crap, no Elf. Am not suggesting 'it was better in ye olden days' but you can go a long way with a Christmas movie, a box of Celebrations and some blue tinsel.

We used to make paper chains from strips of Christmas wrapping paper, the foil types were the best but they don’t have to be the expensive sort.

A lot of towns have a public Christmas tree/street lights switch on ceremony, sometimes with entertainment which is free, but you’d have to be wary of the various attendant stalls, fast food vans and children’s rides.

I wouldn’t talk too much about it with the dc, or focus attention on what you’re not doing and don’t have.

Have a think about what worked well in previous years and an honest look at activities and outings that involved a lot of cajoling or jollying along. Make a short list of highlights, and then see if you can distill the essence of the activity to save time and money.,

The cost of visiting Santa Claus can be eye watering, but there are also some amazing cheap ones. Ask around. After paying through the nose for some lackluster experiences, we’ve settled on a brilliant shopping centre Santa instead.

Groupon often have great deals for things like ice skating if you can make the time. Christmas Eve can be a brilliant time to go as it’s not as busy.

Baking can be a full on activity requiring a morning of military precision and planning. Or you can buy a roll of cookie dough, slice it up and add smarties and jelly tots. Or melt chocolate in the microwave, spoon into silicone moulds and add crushed candy canes. It takes less than ten minutes and the results look great.

Similarly elf on the shelf can be a time consuming, brain shriveling creative extravaganza or you can stick him in the box of cereal or in someone’s shoe. There are lots of lists online to save the mental strain.

Putting Christmas music on in the background and wearing a Christmas jumper goes a long way towards the Christmas spirit. Set the table with cheap Christmas napkins in December.

Attitude plays a key part in the magic. Have a disco in the kitchen doing silly dances to Christmas music, or a sing-a-long. Make watching a dvd a bit of an event. The dc will take their cue from your attitude. Lots of things only take ten minutes or less but they create lasting memories.

For gifts, can you guide the dc to ask for less? I’ve always coached my dc to keep their requests moderately priced and only ask for one thing from Santa. They get gifts from family too so I keep a list of suggestions for anyone who asks for ideas. I’ve found that the younger dc can be fairly suggestible. There are always great suggestions on mumsnet for padding out stockings and gift piles on a tight budget.