How to make Christmas special after divorce?

[Ski40]

Without elaborating much on the divorce itself, this will be my first Christmas divorced from the father of my 3 children (12, 8 and 4) and I am dreading it. Does anyone have any advice on how to make it easier for the children -and for me on the days they are not with me? Christmas used to be a HUGE 2 month event at our home and Im so worried about how to cope alone this year, both emotionally and financially. Thank you for any ideas x

It's going to be totally different, so you need to accept and get you heard around that. Do you know when you will be having DCs? If you do start Thinking about plans you could make for the days your not with them so you don't feel lonely or think about previous years.
Start some new family traditions, change the decorations, maybe even change the holidays as a whole so you don't start thinking about this time last year.
Financially if your funding the presents on your own. Buy it early, start buying now but a little at a time so it doesn't feel like so much cost all at once. eBay can help for gifts, especially if you keep you eye open for deals.
I hope it isn't too painful for you all xx

The first Christmas (all firsts really) will be tough so be kind to yourself!

Oops, posted too soon. I was going to say make arrangements well in advance about the time the children will spend with both parents, I once spent the day before Christmas Eve as a mediator trying to help a couple sort Christmas. It did not end well.

It can be really tough to come to terms with the fact that routines/traditions will be different now. Remember the kids will be ok with whatever is arranged as long as both their parents are on board and are positive. Decide what are the bits that are really important to you, try and negotiate around those, there might be other things you can compromise on. There will be grief around how it used to be, that's normal, don't feel guilty about it.

Thank you both for the replies, I will start planning everything early and look to change what I can. Im a very fanatic Christmas lover but I have never had to do it alone.

Fellow divorcee - firstly you'll be amazed at what you can do by yourself and the sense of achievement inspires you to do the next thing.

Will you have the children all over Christmas? It would be worth working out and agreeing with ex if and when he's having them.

Plan stuff, are you doing things with family that you could get in the diary so that you know what other days are left to play with.

Maybe keep some old traditions but ask the kids if they want to create some new ones? Loads of ideas on Pinterest.

Mostly know that you will be absolutely fine.

Thank you. I know we will get through this and sorry you had to go through the same xx

Last year was my first Christmas post divorce. We went away - it was fab!

Debating this year whether to invite some neighbours round for drinks on xmas day or maybe go out for lunch

My first post divorce Christmas was two years ago. It was hard but I got through. Last year I kind of started fresh, new posh tree, decorations (with some of the old ones mixed in), new tradition of playing board games (we are already discussing what game to get for this year). It gets easier honestly 😊

It is different for me it basically is only Christmas on the days I have them iyswim.

I've made some traditions that we do every year they are with me so that is is different than before (for my benefit), and ours.

Be kind to yourself. Oh and do nice things when they aren't there as well as jobs!

I remember the first Christmas after my mum and dad divorced. It was tough.

How old are DCs? I think what made it harder was that mum tried to recreate the usual Christmas we would have had if my Dad had been around. But my Dad was a very christmassy person so it all felt very flat and seemed to emphasise the fact that he wasn't there.

If they're old enough, talk to them about what they would like to do. There might be some traditions they are desperate to keep, or some new ones they want to try.

I think the most important thing is to let them know that it's OK to find it difficult or a bit sad and give them (and yourself) a chance to express this.

Also get Christmas access arrangements sorted ASAP so everyone knows where they are and what they're doing.

'Firsts' are always tough. The second Christmas was much easier!

Sorry, just seen they are 12, 8 and 4.

I would definitely have a conversation with the older two.

It’s not the same example but I remember one year that DB had to work so we (the family) did Christmas Day on Boxing Day. It was grand, we just did everything we normally did but the next day.

I appreciate that there will be a lot of emotions flying about this year for all of you. Don’t over do it, try new ideas out and be kind to yourself.

You need to reinvent Christmas. You need to start new Christmas traditions.
Christmas selfies (with selfie sticks)
Onesie party
A schoolfriend and her family has chinese takeaway on xmas eve
Xmas Eve box
Walk
Mocktail party

This was me last year
I built it up massively in my head and on the day strangely felt fine.
It was lovely to look at them opening everything and know it was me and me alone who had made the day happen.
Their father saw them on Christmas Eve. I offered this as his day (so get in quick and offer what is best for you if you think they will take over and dictate) it allowed me the day to finish wrapping , Lay the table and clean up etc so I wasn’t sat around idle and moping.

I changed all the decorations on the tree so it looked totally different (cheap ones a few a week from matalan sainsbury etc )