Awkward difference in gift values

[RowenaFlower]

My best friend and I exchanged gifts for one another and our two baby daughters. I have tried to be savvy and limit my spending this year, but opening her presents on Christmas Day and seeing how much more money and thoughfulness she had put in compared to me... well I feel terrible.
Yeah we didn’t agree a price, and yeah we have different financial situations, and she’s lovely and wouldn’t hold it against me, but I now think my frugality was too extreme and I regret not spending more.
What do you think? Shall I just let it go and do better for her daughter’s birthday? Shall I tell her I’m sorry? Shall I give her something else?

Same happened with my sister - I apologised immediately and joked that when I’m a rich lecturer (currently a grad student) I promise to make up for it. She couldn’t have cared less but I think my acknowledging it and promising to make up for it was a good thing to do.

I think giving another gift now would be even more awkward. Assuming your gift was fine and not something like an out of date tin of tomatoes, just take it in the spirit I'm sure it was intended - your friend saw something you'd like, that she could afford, so she got it for you. No need to worry.

Actually I think there is an argument to be made for being mindful of people’s financial circumstances. Just because you can afford to spend a lot doesn’t mean you should if it’s likely to make the recipient feel awkward.

We've just had a baby so are pretty skint what with saving for nursery fees and the extra costs that come with having a child. We really don't have much money.

My SIL bought about 15 different of items of clothing for our new DS, and spend around £60 on me, around the same for DH.

We got her a fairly non expensive lipstick and a candle. Neither expensive but both nice. I felt so stupid opening her gifts... just like the presents we gave her were utterly shit!

I agree Alanamacree but in this case the gifts have already been given. Agree to no presents for next year (that's what I've done and it's great)

If you've just had a new baby, and she's financially much better off, she probably wanted to treat you!

I think a nice letter saying how much you appreciate it, and then next year have a conversation about budget ahead of Christmas. She may well still want to treat her little nephew or niece though!

Ah sorry, mixed up OP and @didntwealmost.

My original post is for SIL overspending - family sometimes want to.

For best friend, agree that you need to have a conversation where you acknowledge how thoughtful and lovely her gifts were - and that your budget doesn't stretch that far. Closer to Christmas move to no gifts. Don't get sucked into buying more presents now, or a bigger birthday present for her DD. That sets a precedent you can't afford.

I always spend more on my best friend than she does on me. I have more disposable income. Even though she doesn't spend masses, I always love her gifts! She also cooks a lot for me throughout the year so I like go treat her.

I've had this too. Currently on mat leave so have been sensible. Others not so much, despite having even less money than I have.

It looks generous to them but I do wonder whether the intent was to make us feel bad.

I spent way more on my best friend than she did on me. No thought of making her feel bad. She's had a shit year, I saw stuff I thought she'd like and bought it. Couldn't care less what she bought me. That's not what giving is about.

A nice thank you and the nice feeling you get from giving a really good gift is all I need back.

NationalShiteDay, I honestly think it says far more about you than them that you would see a nice present as a way to make you feel bad

Some people are just more generous than others.

People have different budgets. Your presents don't have to match!