Anyone feeling a bit inadequate?

[TwistedChristmas]

(Waxing lyrical tonight, sorry and each to their own before anyone jumps on me. This is just my musings).

After reading about how much people spend on Christmas presents for their DC?

I know some people can afford it and it's their choice etc but is it really a good thing or a good message to give to children?

People, and children in particular, especially teens, seem to be getting more grabby as years go by. Eyeshadow for a young teen costing the same as a weeks groceries? New games console every couple of years? Latest gadgets and mountains of expensive plastic tat?

Society has changed with less family time and I wonder if masses of presents/expensive presents go some way to try and make up for that. Or is it pressure to ensure your child fits in by having the latest thing? I certainly used to try the "but EVERYBODY has got one/is getting one and I'll be the ONLY person without one" line but my parents thankfully didn't tolerate such nonsense.

My parents didn't have much money when I was growing up but I always had wonderful Christmases and loved my presents. Back then it was one main present off my list and a surprise from Father Christmas. I had other family who bought for me too and I still remember lots of the presents I received and loved. Still have some of them and I'm
42 now! A favourite being a book of Christmas stories.

Are we trying to fill some kind of emptiness with material possessions? Do children know the price of everything but the value of nothing? Are we buying things to make up for lack of family time and assuage modern life guilt? Do we really need all these material things to be happy? Have we conflated money spent with love?

Then there's the environmental impact of all the plastic tat that is played with for 5 minutes then forgotten about only to make its way to landfill eventually, the masses of wrapping paper and tape, the packaging that can't be recycled etc.

And the extra food with all the packaging and wastage as lots of people seem to end up throwing food away. I remember meat and cheese being binned as a child as the amount needed was misjudged.

I love Christmas although I find it a difficult time of year for many reasons but it's the family traditions, time together, and magical anticipation that makes it special for us along with all the memories of Christmases long gone. I'm on benefits so don't have lots of money to spend on presents but even if I was working I wouldn't spend any more on presents because it's simply not necessary. I'd do more in terms of outings by train/weekends away to do Christmassy things instead. I'm lucky that my 3 DC don't expect expensive things or lots of things and appreciate everything they do get as it's chosen with care and purpose rather than buying for buyings sake.

Has it all got a bit much? Can society ever go back to more simplified Christmases with the focus on togetherness rather than consumerism?

I've "spoilt" my mum compared to what my siblings buy her and because she won't buy nice things for herself. I've saved hard to do Christmas this year and sold lots of things on eBay.
Next year I'll be back at work but like I said I won't be going mad with presents. At no point have I said anything about children being spoiled and I've pointed out twice that each to their own. My post was my own musings but some people have chosen to misinterpret, not consider those questions I asked, and instead got snippy and defensive. Speaks volumes.

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas

I have a friend who goes on about all they do is wear, play, read ,be bloody miserable but she buys stuff for her children all year round. Another friend buys loads at Christmas but nothing for the rest of the year.

I don't care if people spoil there kids by some ding £2000 each on them at Xmas or if they only spend £50. I do care if they raise those children to be entitled twats, as you can both spurlge on your kids at Xmas and teach them to be decent human beings. The two are exclusive.

I have 3 kids, I've spent around £150-£170 on each child. Birthdays I spend half that. But they don't get gifts any other times of year, if they want something they either save their own money for it or request it for xmas/birthday (and they understand that I want doesn't mean I get).

Just stop getting all inadequate about what you think others spend whilst also apparently looking down your nose at those that do spend £££. It's not a competition but for me personally I love the expression on my kids faces when they see 30+ gifts under the tree. Magical

I think christmas is a personal thing. I love hearing what other people do but I am at a point that I just don't care! My children have no extended family. So this year the dog is buying them all a gift. The DC also do secret santa between them, as I want them to experience the joy of giving and recieving. We have lots of family time and do silly things too. In 20 years i fully expect them to remeber baking cookies for daddy to take in to work abd barely remember getting the xbox one. Right now they want the xbox ro fit in with friends. As long as you do christmas the way you want it, who really cares. We spend far to much time thinking about what other people have.

Yeah soydora is right. The other thing is, I am your age and it has always been like this. There were always families who went mad spending at Christmas, got in to debt, bought loads of plastic tat, there was no facebook so it wasn’t necessarily so obvious and people weren’t so environmentally conscious, but honestly you must know that this is not new for 2018.

I do agree that you can only feel ‘inadequare’ if you aspire to doing whatever it is you feel ‘inadequate’ about.

Having said that, I totally agree that things like designer make up for teens is absurd.

WTF happens when they’re working and have to buy their own stuff but have been conditioned to have such expensive tastes?

We get our DC what I would consider a lot for Christmas. I'm sure many children get more and but I still think it is a lot. They play with it all year round and are still playing with all the things they have got in previous years. I don't know why you would think gifts only get played with for 5 minutes. Parents know their own DC and what they are interested in. Get them some of that and it won't be wasted.

We bought mainly big branded toys for dc because apart from birthdays we are not buying them big toys.
Their pocket money goes to their bank accounts. So during the year they don't get too much new things.

I have a budget for Christmas, yeah I spend around £200-300 per child ( I have 2 ) I don’t buy anything I know they won’t play with. They simply open thier presents and the rest of the day is family day, we all chip in making the dinner, the kids set the table and thier fave part of the night, playing cards as a family. My DS10 loves it. So although Christmas is partly materialistic it’s not all materialistic. In our house anyway. But everyone has different Christmas traditions and morals. There’s no right or wrong.

I’ve got an only child, ds 12, he does get a lot compared to some. But I love it, love his excited face when he opens his presents. He looks after his stuff too and always has done so I don’t mind buying him expensive stuff, I literally cannot wait for him to open his virtual reality thing on Xmas morning. It was on his list but he thinks he’s not getting it 😄

Op I understand what you mean. As you say each to their own. But it seems some people who read your post have been defensive as if it was a personal attack on them, which of course it was not.

Is a big pile of presents that costs hundreds each year the message we should teach our kids? If they have that at a young age how much more will they expect when they are older.

I know some people have replied that they have no extended family that buy gifts and therefore they feel they compensate for that. Other people just want to spend because they can afford to.

But, it seems the more you give your kids the more they want and expect. And if someone in their peer group has £500 spent on them why cant everyone? It is a hard thing for kids to grasp that just because your friend had that much spent on them it doesnt mean you have. And I think this is what puts pressure on families that can not afford to spend more and that is why some parents feel inadequate, not jealous, not envious but inadequate that they can not give the same.

But we as a people dont actually need half the things we want or are lucky enough to have. Greed and instant gratification of material possessions has soared. And I do not just mean kids or teens, I mean adults as well. It makes me sad.

I am in process of splitting with my h, but even before then we never spent a lot on the kids. So this year there is less money than usual. But we did agree to go halves on kids presents (1 present per child). I, on top have done small stockings with few gifts from santa that will be used ie chocolate, notebook, pens.

Even with gifts from extended family I think they will get too much. It is more important to teach them to give than to receive.

When I was a kid I remember my nan getting great pleasure watching us kids open our gifts. She used to say she didnt need anything because watching the delight on our faces was enough for her. Of course we always got her a gift, but the point is you dont have to be at the receiving end to have a good Christmas.

For me Christmas has a deeper meaning but I know that is not for everyone and each family celebrates in their own way.

The opening of presents is only a small part of the day and doesnt need to be the main focus but spending time with loved ones should be .

I think times are bleak for lots of people for lots of reasons and if some parents feel that they want to give their children a moment of magic once a year, whether that is to a budget of £50 or £5000 who are we to judge!

My parents had fluctuating income throughout my childhood (self employed) and some years were undoubtedly leaner than others, however I have no impression / memory of this from any Christmas as my parents always ensured that we had a fantastic time and they never made us realise that money may have been tight at that time.

Dh grew up in a home where there was endless talk about lack of money and he never, ever felt like he could 'ask' for anything.

We don't want dd to feel like that so we do our best to make sure she has nice things on that one day per year. We don't buy her much during the rest of the year other than essentials.

Even though she is a teen now we love the sense of wonder on Christmas morning.

I think a lot of people suck a lot of joy out of a lot of things....

I always feel inadequate.

Me too, TimeWounds.