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Original poster

Stocking present dilemma - DH disagrees

28 replies

Saisong · 14/12/2018 13:04

DC wrote a very short list to Santa, 6 items in total. One of them was 'luck charm' which they want to attach to their school bag - we've had a few friendship issues recently so I think it might be an attempt to 'ward' those off?

I was browsing the internet for something in the 4 leaf clover line. However DH who is very anti-woo, very atheist etc. says he fundamentally disagrees with the idea of manufactured luck. He wants to teach the kids they make their own luck, and that its their behaviour and attitude that will shape how the world responds to them.

While I don't disagree entirely with his premise, his vehemence surprised me. I feel that DC will be disappointed, especially as they have asked for so little - it seems churlish for Santa not to comply with what is a low value item. If I get it anyway then DH is going to take exception to seeing it on the school bag. The only solution I can cone up with is getting a key ring which isn't traditionally associated with luck, but let DC assume it is?

Anyone else got any solutions?

OP posts:
NeverHadANickname · 14/12/2018 13:08

I would get what they asked for. Your DH could have a discussion with them after the fact about his view on luck but I'm sure in time your DC will find their own view on the matter. I hope whatever approach they take things improve at school 😊

MrsTerryPratcett · 14/12/2018 13:09

If he's happy to go along with Santa, he's a bit of a hypocrite about what Santa brings!

Lazybonita · 14/12/2018 13:10

Bag charms are quite trendy at my dc’s school. Maybe just google bag charm and pick one that’s not a four leaf clover. Then tell your DH it’s just a fashion accessory. If your dd chooses to see it as a good luck charm then that’s up to her?

TokyoSushi · 14/12/2018 13:12

Exactly what @Lazybonita said

mumof2oneofeach · 14/12/2018 13:13

Does your DC have a favourite animal, symbol etc that you could get on a key ring? That way it doesn't have to be a 'lucky' charm but can be something special but familiar that is with them at school. Would that get round your DH?

My child has been anxious at school for a long phase and anything like that was absolutely encouraged and if DH had a problem with it I would explain that it's about the child's confidence, not about instilling ideas about lucky charms (& ignore him and give them the charm anyway).

clairethewitch70 · 14/12/2018 13:13

How old is your child? Could you get a four leaf clover charm which they could thread onto some cord with other beads, and make their own good luck charm?

DameFanny · 14/12/2018 13:14

Get the charm but talk to DC about how charms aren't lucky on themselves, but set your brain up to expect success - so it's ok to have totems but it's you doing the work.

You could have a larger conversation about preparing yourself mentally - equivalent to tidying your desk - and how in every situation there's homework you can do to get ready, so for school friends maybe thinking in advance of a thing to talk about, or practising a smile in the mirror?

BrieAndChilli · 14/12/2018 13:16

DD has a little fairy worry keyring on her school bag.
gb.theirishfairydoorcompany.com/collections/accessories/products/the-no-more-worries-kit

BiddyPop · 14/12/2018 13:17

Maybe one of those "Worry Teddies" instead - you open the zip on their mouth, pop in your worries on a scrap of paper, and then close the zip to get rid of the worries.

Not so "woo" as a good luck charm, could be seen as the DCs making their own luck by acknowledging their issues and dealing with them in their own way, but is still something to help them do that.

I think they are about €15-20, but they are actually nice in themselves.

AnnaMagnani · 14/12/2018 13:20

Can your DH remember being the age of your DC? While his approach is v logical, it is also v adult.

If bag charms are trendy, then obviously your DC will want one.

Equally, I can remember doing exams at school and every single child had a lucky ruler, lucky pencil case, lucky pen, and so on, sometimes to the extent you could barely fit the exam paper on the desk.

It's normal for being a child.

Original poster
Saisong · 14/12/2018 13:21

Thanks for everyone's thoughts so far. Seems to be a fair consensus to at least get something. Child is 9 btw and the friend issues are not major and school have been dealing well with it so far.

MrsTerryPratchett that's a fair comment about being hypocritical - may keep that in my arsenal.

DameFanny I like that approach, and it provides a bridge between DHs opinion and the whole manufactured luck thing.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/12/2018 13:34

I would go with the animal idea. Don't know how old your child is or if they read Harry Potter?Just remembering the Patronus notion, (animal you associate yourself with).
DH can still talk to DC about "you make your own luck" etc.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/12/2018 13:35

Just realised that you say your DC is 9.

DameFanny · 14/12/2018 13:59

There's nothing wrong with lucky charms or lucky pencil cases or even lucky knickers until the morning you can't find them - so it's good to teach that they're a short cut for mental preparation.

So if I've forgotten to say a novena in advance to Colin, the god of parking spaces and box junctions, I don't have to panic - just work a bit harder because I'm engaging my brain a bit later

jessstan2 · 14/12/2018 14:03

I get where your husband is coming from, I don't believe in luck charms either but your child is only nine. If mine had wanted something like that, I'd have bought it. It's not a serious issue, like brainwashing into a belief.

I seriously doubt a 9 year old still believes in Santa Claus.

Original poster
Saisong · 14/12/2018 14:20

They very much still believe jessstan2, though I realise this may be the last year. My older child believed right up to year 6 and we had to have 'that' conversation before starting secondary. They have been very convincing in carrying on the magic ever since!

OP posts:
Rosehips · 14/12/2018 14:25

Do you think she's asked santa cos she knows dad would say no?

bsc · 14/12/2018 15:06

Could you find anything with a positive, powerful slogan on? (Like Supergirl, if it's a DD etc)

SatsukiKusakabe · 14/12/2018 17:35

I would consider my dh’s opinion on anything important, but on stuff like this I wouldn’t even think to discuss it. Just get her what she wants, a four leaf clover has a lovely resonance in culture associated with good fortune, and looks pretty, and is something rare and special in nature, regardless of whether you believe in luck (I don’t).

You have 365 days a year to raise your child and try to instil the things you think are important and which will set them up to be free, critical thinkers. There’s no shortcut to it and the Christmas stocking of all places is about fun and make believe.

ADastardlyThing · 14/12/2018 17:44

My solution? I'd get it anyway.

SatsukiKusakabe · 14/12/2018 17:45

Oh dastardly why didn’t I just write that? Grin

ADastardlyThing · 14/12/2018 17:48
Grin
TinselAngel · 14/12/2018 18:42

Get a Felix Felicis key ring (Harry Potter luck potion), there's some on Etsy.

Trills · 14/12/2018 18:50

The very best thing about the Felix Felicis is that Ron did well at Quidditch even though he hadn't actually taken any luck potion - he just did better because he FELT lucky.

I wouldn't tell a child that a charm was actually magic, but it doesn't hurt to have something to "help them to feel brave" or similar.

Skinandbones · 14/12/2018 19:00

Why not look at semi precious gemstone. There are a few good Web sites that tell you the properties, tiger eye for protection, amethyst for wisdom etc could may be use it as a zip pull.

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