Another “Help Me” post!!

[Twitchintervention]

I have 3 girls who are 11 (nearly 12) 10 and 7. Eldest most like does not believe in Santa I suspect 10 year old is going that way too although, is adamant that she won’t be sleeping in her room downstairs on Christmas Eve!!! Youngest definitely still believes.

Santa always holds a present back for the table and through the years it’s alwasy been one of their main gifts...this year they are all getting fitbits/tracker style watches.

Eldest has irked me a little tonight as announced quite blasé that she though she would be getting her asked for Fitbit Versa (which yes she is getting) at the table!

To cut a long story short AIBU to wrap up 3 very similar size boxes for the table which are not anything they are expecting (and I need your help with, need to be rectangular In size) and keep the suspense of the Fitbits going till at least the end of the meal!

DH always thinks I’m mean with this kind of thing but a) don’t like the presumption that anything is going to be bought for them and b) think the Christmas’s they will remember will be the ones with a bit of fun.

The idea of giving it earlier is better. That's your best way of surprising her without it seeming like you are trying to teach some kind of lesson.

It's mean to disappoint her at the table.

It's not her job to make Christmas more special by being excited and surprised to receive the present she asked for at the time big presents are usually given. She's getting older, it's not realistic to expect her to have so much wide-eyed wonder.

I'm sure Christmas will still be lovely, have a good one.

Like the treasure hunt idea too.

In this house they don’t know what gifts they will receive, they still write a “Santa” list (most so for the younger two) and know they won’t get everything and there definitely surprise’s amongst it all...

That doesn't seem to be true for them; even if you've tried to keep it that way. You can't add suspense back to something she knows she's getting. You'd have to make her think she hadn't got it, which would likely upset her.

She’s getting older and learning, she isn’t being vindictive. She knows that the main present goes at the table and what she asks for she generally gets.

So wrap the box in a bigger box to add to the suspends/magic to help her get excited. Don’t withhold or punish her.

Oo treasure hunt is a good idea!

Have you got a box from a different present, like a toy? You could wrap the Fitbit inside that- so she is still “surprised”.
Or the exercise treasure hunt is a great idea too- and an envelope will give her a confused moment as she may think it’s a voucher etc.

@CanSurvive

Where about in any of my posts have I stated or even suggested she is being vindictive?

You have nowhere suggested your daughter is being vincdictive but you seem a bit hurt by her blase attitude. It has obviously come as a bit of shock to you!

However she is being perfectly normal for her age, Twitchintervention. Once past eleven, they all become quite cool and laid back about Christmas. Of course she knows what you are going to buy her for a main present, she asked for it.

I do think Santa's lists are a bit much for the two older children, frankly, even the seven year old. They're going along with it for your sake!

Have a lovely Christmas and don't get too bogged down with your home made traditions.

For you

Aw things change. They change. Get sassy, savvy. Best to go with it and maybe swap so she has Fitbit early if you really want the table present to be a surprise?

Now my D.C. are older we do a family secret Santa for table presents. At beginning of December everyone got an envelope with a name and £10 in. The D.C. think really hard about what to buy. So the table presents are a surprise and you don’t know who chose it.

This year some of the D.C. are working. Budget has gone up to £15 and we use an app so you get an email with the name.

@Twitchintervention I didn’t say you had directly said that, I would have put it in quotes. Its just the way you are so stressed about this, you came across as thinking your daughter is being vindictive and manipulative. Like other posters before me had said not to do this to your daughter. You sounded like you wanted to text her a lesson for the beliefs and rituals that you have taught her is normal for your household. They don’t know the value of things and that magic Father Christmas won’t being everything. Maybe she’s saying those things to watch for a reaction to see if you are Father Christmas? Maybes she’s worried that I’m some families if you stop believing so do the presents.

Like others have said with the fake laptop opening presents, it isn’t the lack of gratitude it’s the being laughed at that is damaging and sticks with people until they are adults.

I was just using the same language as you when you said “wow, I’m not being vindictive” (note the quotations). I was just agreeing with others than neither is your daughter.

Maybe you want to pull up the other posters in this thread who have given their opinions without directly quoting you or disagreeing?

I’ve re read my comment and I’m happy that I was just trying to say let your child still be a child and don’t traumatise then for no reason. She’ll be a non believing teenager soon enough.

I have re-read the thread and decided that you pulled out mine as some of the others have clearly upset you and too close to the bone with their surmising and you have ignored the mean ones, and suggestions as to what you should not do. That’s fine. But I do think you have had some lovely suggestions about how to keep the surprise going against a quite rigid ritual.

She’s getting older and learning, she isn’t being vindictive. She knows that the main present goes at the table and what she asks for she generally gets.

So wrap the box in a bigger box to add to the suspends/magic to help her get excited. Don’t withhold or punish her.

Oo treasure hunt is a good idea.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and well done for being able to save up to get your daughter what she is most excited about. Sorry about the unavailability of the unicorn and have fun teaching your daughter how to use her Fitbit.

Op - yesterday ds was 16. I had planned a racing car driving experience as his birthdya present, booked for today.
We warned him to keep today free.

Since then he has been tryign to guess what was happening today. Very early on he guessed the driving experience. I was disappointed, but I kept a dead pan face and said - do you think I'd risk you behind the wheel of a racing car, and laughed. He has guessed everything since, he had setteld on a theme park I think, and I have been saying - theme park in December glad I'm not taking you, and so on.

Whne he opened it yesterday, his face was a picture, he was SO pleased, even though he had guessed right, he didn't actually KNOW, and he loved it.

You just have to develop a new dynamic in how the presents go.

By the way, if one of mine asks for/wants something that they really won't get because it is way out of budget, I sit them down early on and say - Santa will not be bringing that, it is too expensive. They accpet that, and it saves disappointment on the day.