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Original poster

How much do you spend on your teenagers for Christmas?

28 replies

Diff16 · 05/12/2018 20:51

My son is 15 and daughter is 13, what is your budget? I'm divorced, and because I work full time and earn a good salary and their Dad does not work, my children spend the week with their Dad and a weekend day with me. ( too much too explain here). Dad wants me to contribute to a £380 mobile for my 13 year old, which I think is ridiculous. Oh the reason I still because her friends have all the latest phones - tough! I would not even get to open this gift with her on Christmas morning, as his parents have contributed. I've told him in polite words to jog on.

OP posts:
NoLeslie · 05/12/2018 20:59

I don't think my budget will help you much here. We have spent about 130 on presents plus maybe another 50 on clothes and toiletries etc that they would have had anyway but because it's Christmas we class them as a present iyswim.

However it's more the principle of how you coparent with an ex and grandparents that is your issue. So good luck.

Original poster
Diff16 · 05/12/2018 21:17

May I add that I earn £72k and Dad earns nothing. I pay a lot to support my kids, which I have no problem with. I have a good career. However he lives in a £800k house and me in well less than half that with a big mortgage. Keeps hounding me for more money. Have to go back to the courts reluctantly as he will only let have the kids on Christmas morning, as his "Mum does a better Christmas"! I then only get to see them for one day at the weekends, despite us having shared custody....

OP posts:
DontScareOscarPistorius · 06/12/2018 04:28

You seem more interested in your salary and his living arrangements than your kids.

It doesnt matter what you spend, as you state you have a good salary clearing 4k per month. Surely you can afford to buy them something nice that they would like just from you? Tell him you wont be contributing and are buying your own gift.

Just because you don't get to see them open it doesn't mean that they should be depirved. Yes £380 on a phone seems a lot but not out the realms of normality these days.

Access issues, I think you need a better lawyer!

blackcat86 · 06/12/2018 05:42

Is there more background here OP? You sound quite resentful of not seeing your DCs as much, understandably so. Why has he not got a job when Dcs are 15 and 13?

I have a budget of about £50 for DSS (14) - I'm doing the Xmas shopping as I'm off on mat leave. It doesn't sound a lot but I've been bargain hunting for a few months so he's already got 4 t-shirts, a nice hoody, a selection box, an oreo selection tin, socks and pants. All of which he asked for.

The budget for DD (3.5 months) is exactly the same so if he's planning an expensive gift for the 13 year old is he planning on spending the same on the 15 year old?

Buying an expensive phone is silly for a school aged child as it's likely to get stolen. DSS tends to have a pretty decent phone which is on our family plan as it's much cheaper that way and easier to replace when it gets lost/stolen/broken.

Zoflorabore · 06/12/2018 05:59

My response probably won't help you but my ds is 15 and I spend approx £500 on him at Christmas, possibly more.

This year his dad his got him a Mac, I've bought all smaller stuff. His list was funny. 2 away games for his team, a book and some clothes. Oh and new Turtle Beach headphones for Xbox One.

He also has a separate clothes budget of around £200.

Boohissmiss · 06/12/2018 07:22

Do i think £400 is over the top for a 13 year old no I don’t . But you do seem to be obsessed with your salary I don’t think anyone asked what you earned you covered it in the first post with good salary 🙄

A580Hojas · 06/12/2018 07:36

I think your terrible arrangements with your ex and the lack of time you spend with your kids is the real issue here. Everyone knows that some people with tiny incomes put themselves into debt to go overboard on Christmas presents for their children, whereas other comfortably off families spend more modestly. I don't understand what the value of your ex's house has got to do with anything.

And did a pp really say they had the same "budget" for a 3.5 month old as they do for a 14 year old Shock ? or have I misunderstood?

Babygrey7 · 06/12/2018 07:45

Tricky, I think you are getting lots of things conflated... (house prices, salaries), but anyway, what is normal these days? I DON't know

Am currently deciding on budget for my 14 and 16 yr old

14yr old wants Beats headphones (£180) Shock

And 16yr old yet another (3rd) guitar, priced at £300

Initially my budget was around £100-150, is that stingy? DH thinks £50 is enough and we should not spoil them.....Confused

It's hard to know! Deep down I just want to get them what they want and spend £300 each.... even though that is crazy...is it crazy? We could afford it this year.....

MrsChollySawcutt · 06/12/2018 07:53

What others spend on their teens is irrelevant, it's what you can afford and are comfortable with.

It's also totally irrelevant and mean spirited to refuse to buy a gift for your own child because you won't be there to see them open it and because you are resentful of the financial arrangements you have with their father.

I really hope you are not as selfish and spiteful as your post suggests.

Fairylea · 06/12/2018 07:56

There are much bigger issues here than how much people spend, but not being there to see a child open a gift isn’t a good enough reason not to contribute to one, whether it’s £10 or £1000, if that’s what’s been agreed by everyone to buy.

Ragwort · 06/12/2018 07:57

I agree with Mrs that it’s actually irrelevant what other people spend, it’s what you are comfortable with. Personally as a family we are not into ‘big gifts’, our budget is £100 cash gift & a few stocking fillers for our 17 year old.

anniehm · 06/12/2018 08:00

About £150 unless something specific. Don't buy expensive phones for kids, they smash them, get them wet etc. By reconditioned or a cheaper model. One of my DD's has had her £120 phone nearly 4 years, the other gets through a phone a year at least (and it's never her "fault" it breaks - yeah right!). As to the wider issue of custody, the kids are old enough to decide where they want to be and no excuses why dad isn't working some sort of job - a mediator rather than court is a better option to work out a system through their remaining childhood in conjunction with their wishes.

Zoflorabore · 06/12/2018 08:09

Ds will open his Mac at his dad's and I would love to see his face but I will see him when he gets home with it. His dad has a full time job and 2 businesses which are very successful. I have zero clue how much his house is worth!
He works bloody long hours and sacrifices time his wife and other son ( aged 3 ) and that's his business. They have numerous foreign holidays every year ( again their business ) and invite ds but he's got mocks and GCSE's next year so can't go on them all.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.
Do you only really see your kids once a week though? That's not shared custody to me.

thaegumathteth · 06/12/2018 08:13

Why do you work so many hours and barely see your kids? (And yes I’d be saying the same to a man)

Is your ex making a point here ? That money is what matters to you?

FWIW ds (12) will be getting approx £400 spent on him but we can afford it and he isn’t expecting it.

Mumshappy · 06/12/2018 08:19

I wouldnt spend that much on a phone even if i was earning double your salary. Not necessary, will get dropped and make them a target for theft. Also my personal opinion is that high value items create entitlement in a child.

apostropheuse · 06/12/2018 08:19

My daughters and son are adults now, but when the four of them were children in the late eighties/nineties we spent around £250 on each of them, apart from the year two of them got desktop computers and their budget doubled. That wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

You don't have to do joint gifts, just buy gifts yourself, according to what you're comfortable with spending.

Karwomannghia · 06/12/2018 08:20

About £50 main present, 2 smaller presents £10-20 each from siblings paid for by us and stocking fillers.

Lovemusic33 · 06/12/2018 12:07

I don’t think it’s about what you earn or what you pay towards your children’s upkeep.

I’m divorced, my kids live with me and see there dad for a few hours each week, he spends £100 on them for Christmas (he has a low paid job and is living in a b&m). I have spent almost £400 on dd1 (15), more than what I usually spend but it was a big ticket item plus some clothes which she needs, I have spent £150 on her sister (12) but she gets a lot more spent on her during the summer as she likes a certain sport that we do in the summer. If my dd’s want one particular item (big gift) and I can afford it then I tend to buy it unless I can talk them into having something else, I refuse to pay more than £100 for a mobile phone. This years big spend is a games console and we have never had one before, normally I wouldn’t spend this much.

I wouldn’t dictate to my ex what he should be spending, he buys the dd’s Gifts, sometimes I advise him if he asks me what he should buy them but we buy separate gifts as we are separate.

Sounds like your ex doesn’t have as much money as you but he does spend a lot of time with his children, they will remember this far more than what their mother bought them for Christmas,

hmmwhatatodo · 06/12/2018 12:44

Why isn’t he in work?

ShadowWeaver · 06/12/2018 17:16

Dd14, I've spent approx £250 on her (a camera was £120) and might spend a little more on stocking fillers if I can manage it. I don't really buy clothes for Xmas though, it's all gifts.

Holidayshopping · 06/12/2018 17:21

I wouldn’t want to contribute hundreds to a present I wouldn’t get to see my child open, that’s fair enough. I’d say you were getting your own present.

Why doesn’t their dad work if the children are that age?

3WildOnes · 06/12/2018 21:53

Mine aren’t that age yet but probably £200?
I do think it’s unfair that a poster is spending as much on a 3.5month old as her teenage step son. My littlest only gets a few gifts but my older ones get more.

PaulMorel · 07/12/2018 03:15

I spend as long as my gift is relevant for my son and daughter. I am happy seeing them smile.

ohtheholidays · 07/12/2018 17:13

We have 5DC and we spend the same amount on each of them it's usually upto £450 each.

I think your issues with your ex and how often you see your DC shouldn't be confused with what you want to spend on your DC at Christmas.

Therealjudgejudy · 07/12/2018 19:21

My son is 16 and I'm spending €500 on him. Tbh though you sound like you have other issues going on that need sorting. I hope you do get to spend Christmas with your kids though Flowers