Please help me think of stocking fillers for my hoarder mother.

[Calvinsmam]

So I’m making a stocking for my mother as we all get one and I want it to be lovely as she’ll be making them for all of us.
The only thing is is that she’s a mega hoarder, like her whole house is rammed full of useless tat and the thought of adding to it makes me want to cry.
She’s also on a diet so I don’t want to just fill it with food.
Everything I think of she’s bought in bulk, she has lifetime supplies of loads of stuff and I just can’t bear to add to it.

So far I’ve bought her some socks

I have already bought her main present so I don’t want to spend a fortune either.
I’m stumped!!!

Just in case anyone's curious.

Levels of hoarding....

boingboing.net/2017/01/04/whats-your-hoardingclutter.html

Marie Kondo book and a roll of bin bags.

I find these hoarding level explanations good:
www.aftermath.com/content/hoarding-levels
BurpAndRustle
I don't say this in a self-pitying way but OP's DM getting Marie Kondo book and bin bags in her Christmas stocking is a little like an anorexic getting a bag of kettle chips and a tub of lard.

Therapy

Would she attend. Would she want to?

What about offering your time to help her dispose of some stuff, or even just move some of her stuff around (I know that can help). Or offer to clear a room for her or clean her bathroom / kitchen? Just ideas that can help but maybe you’re not allowed near any of that.

Dig deep in the mess, see what you find, put it in her stocking- sorted!

You'll know ir's stuff she likes but she's probably forgotten about and not it's adding to the mess!

I'm only half joking!

Seriously, the ideas you have sound great :)

ItsalmostSummer that's not a fun Christmas present though is it?

giftcard for a year's subscription to something like Spotify or Netflix

I would do healthy snacks (Maybe with a use by date e.g. fresh fruit- if this would stop her hoarding) a lottery ticket and some vouchers.

Exploding kittens is supposed to be a fun game, if she's not the type to be offended.

Ha ha I also came on this thread to suggest Marie Kondo's book!

MIL got me Marie Kondo. I've never read it it just added to the mess!

OP is trying to get nice things for her mum not tidy her house

Fill it full of flowers ! Not sure how maybe a big bunch poking out the top ! At least they will die and not hang around !

Flowers are a nice idea. Last year, I gave my mum a poinsettia. She really liked it.

She doesn’t want me to help her tidy her house, she doesn’t see a problem with it, when I suggest it she gets really upset saying I’m trying to throw ‘her treasures’ away. and I don’t really want to start a row with my stocking presents.

She’s in therapy but not for hoarding, but looking at those levels I would say she’s a bad two but only because she has a cleaner and gardener, without them she’d be a solid three.

We love exploding kittens, I got that last year for Christmas off a friend and we play it loads, anyone know anything similar?

There’s a lot of emotional meaning tied up in things - and not just for people who hoard. It sounds like your mum might have issues of anxiety and control tied up in her over buying, that it’s a way of planning against life’s uncertainties (I’m only surmising obv) and therapy, even unrelated to the hoarding, might, in time help her deal with it.
You’ve also implied that there’s love and (maybe some frustrated maternal instincts) linked into the stockings for you and your siblings and you’re also using a stocking to create a feeling. I think at Christmas that maybe your instinct to show love to your mum in a tangible way trumps a principled response to her hoarding, but maybe it would help to give yourself permission to do this without guilt. Ultimately the contents of the stocking aren’t going to make a discernible impact on the hoard. But a gesture of love and kindness can have a huge impact on a person’s ability to recognize and deal with their problems.

Generally when filling a stocking, you’d try and think of things they don’t already have, but maybe this doesn’t actually matter as much to your mother?

your instinct to show love to your mum in a tangible way trumps a principled response to her hoarding

Yeah you’re probably right, I don’t think it’s a principed response though rather than an anxious one. When I start thinking of things to get her I think about how much stuff she has and the state of her house and all her pets, and I feel guilty for not doing more, but also angry at her for not helping herself.
She has a diagnosed borderline personality disorder and can be extremely manipulative, I love her to pieces and she’s the only mother I have but she has a thing about being rescued and deliberately doesn’t look after herself so we feel guilty and care for her.
I’ve been really good at creating boundaries with her recently and we are able to have a proper relationship but I think this is triggering some underlying resentment I have towards her.

It sounds very difficult.
Recently I cleaned up after the death of a very dear, but very frustrating relative who hoarded and had fallen into poor health, but couldn’t accept any help at all. Honoring his right to live in squalor was hugely challenging, and towards the end I was one of a handful of people he hadn’t fallen out with, because I didn’t criticize him. It was easier, I suppose, because his life expectancy was so limited that there wasn’t any point in pushing for change but I’m still haunted by the conditions he lived in. Being helpless to make a difference doesn’t seem to ease the guilt. Even though many people had attempted and failed before me. Huge sympathy for you!

But that doesn’t help with your stocking: maybe some scented candles? Or flavored coffees?

Gift voucher for costa coffee or another coffee shop.
Small puzzle book.
Fold up shopping bag.
Wild flower seeds issues for your handbag with Christmas print on.
Car air freshener

Dobble is a great family game. Comes in a small round tin too so perfect for a stocking

Thanks alana that sounds tough with your relative.

Car air freshener is great idea.

And I’ll look at dobble. I’ve just bought camel up and cards against humanity which we can play when the kids go to bed.

If your Mum likes animals and has a garden you could get her a nice bird feeder and some bits to go into it.

I did that for my Auntie and Uncle one year and they loved it and said it was one of they're favourite gifts and they still have the bird feeder in they're garden.

My BF Mum is a hoarder and my friend is really struggling with what to buy her Mum(we went Christmas shopping together and she got quite upset about her Mum)we decided a food hamper with a few nice bits that her Mum would like would be a good present for her.

I know you said she's watching her weight(I'm doing slimming world)there are some really nice low calorie snack bars and cakes and flavoured hot chocolates out now that would fit nicely into a stocking.

I have a mum who's similar but in that she loves to buy ME tons of shit that I will immediately declutter after appreciation of the sentiment behind it

I have told her to buy me socks, new toothbrush or toothbrush hygiene holder, new underwear, gloves, tea towel (I get rid of the old stuff and use the replacements) and nothing that it is ornamental, only things that I would need to buy

I wouldn't be disappointed with Sanpro, scratch cards, vouchers or even coupons collected, magazines, or anything that helped me organise like those folded laundry bins or matching hangers, or jewellery tree,

Would also like things like clothes freshner lavender pouches, and comfy shoe insoles, or keyfinder key rings

Definitely give her the konmari book!