fucking bastarding Christmas

[ssd]

its the same every year and it isn't getting better, its getting worse now the kids are older

we or rather I have no family. well i do have family miles away like hundreds of miles away who all get together a lot and see each other a lot and basically dont bother with me or my family as we live miles away from them. so we dont see anyone at Xmas, ever. and I mean my family, please dont tell me to see friends, we dont have a lot of friends, which I know on mn is a big red flag but we've never had babysitters or money to get a great social life and over the years its just mainly been us and the kids. I have good friends but we dont socialise as all couples.

anyway, every Xmas my kids ask me why we never see family. my parents are dead and since they've died my siblings see each other and dont bother with us, they've lived away for over 30 years and as the youngest by a long way I and my family just dont matter to them they see each other and thats that, they are happy so why should they bother/change.

but now my kids are a lot older they have boyfriends and girlfriends and basically all their friends have family to visit or come over at Xmas and they are asking me why we never do,

and it fucking hurts.

I cant invent them, I cant bring my parents back from the dead, I cant do nothing about it but it hurts so fucking much we have no one, its so fucking painful.

ive been posting this same thing on mn for years now and its only getting worse

I hear you OP. It can be such a hard time of year. I don't really have any family either, or any that give a to** about me or my kids, and as my kids are getting older yes they do ask about it.
I'm hellbent on making it nice 'just us' though. And it is actually really nice to just chill at home, not having to go anywhere, make it a bit special as much as we can. We work bloody hard and I do love the rest!

Don’t worry you’re not the only one. I don’t have much family either and the ones we do we don’t talk to most :(. Can you try and travel to your siblings for Christmas? You say they don’t bother with you but see if you can invite yourself over. Also as your kids have partners, can you all get together with their families at all?

Try not to let your kids words get to you, maybe before long them and their partners will eventually have children and then you can host a big family gathering. I’m the same, virtually no family of my own and I think this has made me quite introverted so not many friends. You always get the impression from adverts etc that Xmas is about big family gatherings but I know from my dh’s side of the family that lots of the cousins and siblings don’t enjoy the gatherings and would love to do their own thing but feel obliged.
Perhaps at some point you could reach out to your siblings, maybe send them a letter in a Christmas card and some photos or a Facebook message, Skype etc. Try not to feel resentful or left out, they might think you don’t want to see them.

I'm sorry, OP .

Some families do just grow apart, whether because of distance or different lives - or just don't get on - I think it's not at all uncommon. Are your dcs old enough to understand that? They will probably know at least one or two similar.

Still, given all the posts on here about nightmare relatives/in-laws, and the PITA of having to go to this one or that when you'd rather just stay at home, or having to have difficult/fussy/annoying relatives staying, or stay them when they're stingy with food/drink/miserable Scrooges/ won't have the heating on enough etc., maybe it could be worse.

Have a too, or a large if you prefer.

Why is the onus on them to come to you, maybe they're at home mourning the fact that you never come to visit