Christmas Dinner

[SmallLay]

Ok so please help.
We are having the yearly whos house for Christmas dinner discussion and honestly I didn't think it would be so much of an issue, it never normally is. We used go to my DH parents house xmas day and my mums boxing day. But we moved house last year and actually have space to hold it ourselves now which we did last year when my DH parents come to us on xmas day. This year I assumed my mum would come (with her SO) but my DH and his parents want us to go there... I would prefer to stay at home so our DD can play with her new toys etc and well being fair "its my mums turn". I have tried to explain this but all I get back is that if we don't go to his parents then they will be alone. He has two brothers who they could invite?
Anyway does anyone have a suggestion as to how I can get around this or AIBU?
(PS our dining room is not big enough for more than 6 or we could of had them all)

I do think your DH is BU as it should be your Mum's turn to be with you at Christmas if it can only be one or the other. That tends to be how it works with grown up children, you can't really expect to have them every year. And really if your DH is that worried about them he should be trying to think of a solution, rather than insisting on going to them and leaving your Mum out, would she not then be 'alone at Christmas'?

I don't suppose there's a chance that either your Mum or your PILs could host everyone as one big happy family a la Gavin and Stacey could they (I say that knowing it would be a cold day in hell that ever happened in my family )?

Or, if everyone is relatively local, could you spend the morning/have lunch with your Mum and then either have PILs pop in for drinks and pressies after lunch, or you/DH go to them in the evening? Or vv, have the morning at ILs and then go on to your Mum's?

Or could you not squeeze everyone in at yours even if someone has to eat their lunch on the sofa? We have a 'kid's table' (aka sitting on the floor with plates on the coffee table) when the whole family is gathered at my ILs even though the youngest 'kid' is in their 30s!

I think your husband is being a bit thoughtless, but probably because he's always spent Xmas day with his parents at theirs and then at yours last year and he can't quite get his head around the idea of Xmas day without them.

In fairness I would say that you invite your family to yours for Xmas day this year and spend boxing day with his parents.

Maybe try change the focus of the debate so it’s about Santa coming down your chimney, and not traipsing around at Christmas. Seriously, it’s a logistical nightmare transporting gifts as well as all the gear you need to go visiting with small children. As long as you have believers, insist that you’re staying at home.

We alternate families but when I host at home I operate an open door policy- everyone is welcome to call in, to come for Santa at silly o’clock, to stay for dinner if they don’t mind squeezing in. Despite these all being touted as terrible deprivations, neither family has ever actually done either of these things on their off year though pils do call in at some stage to say hello.

"I'm here. Everyone is welcome (I'd you are w3lcome from....) I'm not moving, let me know what time you'd like to come over... ok well see you..."

Keep it bright and breezy. Repeat ad nauseam

We alternate families after a big blow up about Christmas when we first bought a house and moved in together. (My parents doing the blowing up).

I have one sibling and DH has two other siblings so thankfully our parents do have other people they can see on the alternate years.

I could maybe see your husband's point if he was an only child, but he has siblings that could see his parents on Christmas Day.

He is being unreasonable. You are being fair.

Please don't split the day going here and there. It's completely crap and you end up feeling exhausted and with children they just don't want to be dragged around. We spend so much time making it magical for them that it seems daft to then not really give them a chance to play with anything.

Thanks everyone!

I am going to attempt another chat about it tonight.

My mum spent xmas with her PIL last year and I think she has assumed she will be with us this year also. I am her only child and we don't live near any other family now my grandparents have passed so she doesn't have many other options. (gosh that sounds terrible I know her PIL would happy have her again this year and our family would also but they live so far away its not always logical!)

I had considered saying they could all come but i'm not sure how well that would go down. I love my PIL but... they are not always the easiest to get on with and are a little show boaty and I know my mum would feel uncomfortable.
They always pop in in the morning to see what Santa has brought DD and tbh last year was amazing as she got to play with everything and we didn't have to try and carry loads of stuff half way across town in the freezing cold.

I think I will ask DH if he could suggest they invite one of his other brothers so we can host for my mum and if they would still like us to go for dinner we could do that on boxing day.
Does this sound fair?

In your case I would take the approach everyone is welcome but do be aware DMum is here. You can take a different approach next year if PIL are not on best behaviour, but I would be unhappy with my parent being on their own simply because my in laws were difficult.

Families are all about tolerance and aceptance of peoples difference and foibles.

Yes I get that I just don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable on xmas day and I certainly don't want any kind of argument. I just want to have a nice day with family and enjoy what might be our last year with a "believer". [santa]