How to enjoy Christmas?

[Howmanysleepstilchristmas]

My ds13 and dd11 are at their dad’s this year. I’d got mixed up and thought it was my turn. I’m due to return to work the week before Christmas, and can’t put in any requests for time off though am likely to be off on the day itself. I’ve just had my mistake pointed out to me and am gutted. I was really looking forward to Christmas, but not now. I don’t know if/ when I’ll be able to have time off work over the holidays and spend any time with my eldest 2. There’ll be me ds5 and ds6 on the actual day. Normally I’m expecting it and can get used to the idea of being half a family alternate years, but this has thrown me. To make it worse, thanks to the work situation I can’t even plan for Boxing Day/ Christmas Eve etc. Help me get my Christmas spirit back for the sake of the youngest 2 please?

Dh will also be there on Christmas Day. Autocorrect erased him from my op!

Sounds like a particularly horrible surprise Would it help to focus on the bits of Christmas that the littlies love but the elder two aren't as into any more? Stuff like making decorations, icing Christmas cookies, watching cartoon Christmas specials? Then maybe have a not-Christmas at New Years with your eldest two so you still feel like you've had a lovely celebration type day with them?

Ah that’s such a disappointment.

Give yourself a bit of time to feel properly miserable about it. You still have weeks to find your Christmas mojo. Trying to push your feelings aside and jolly along will only make it worse.

Could you plan a Christmas activity with the older ones in the evening? Even something like staying up a bit later than the others to watch a pg movie that the younger ones wouldn’t be allowed, and munching through a box of quality street, will feel a bit special.

While the older DCs may be at their DFs for Christmas itself, I presume they will be home at least some of the holidays, and that you will have evenings (or mornings if you do shifts) or regular days off during that time? So once you get whatever roster/work plan you get, have a look and pick a time when you can ask DH to have the 2 smallies and you take the 2 elders for a quiet coffee together or bowling or something age appropriate just with them. And pick another one of those times for you all to sit down and enjoy a family board games night or movie night, or even another "special" dinner (maybe not a full turkey dinner, unless that's what you normally do on those alternate Christmases, but something to mark the season that is a little special).

I agree about letting the sadness wash through first - it is a shock. So don't fight that. But don't let it fester either - think of things you can do with everyone before you go back to work in the weekends running up to the day, and what things you can do in those times of the day that you won't be working.

It could be good to get stuck into preparations now, if you are off work, so that you can concentrate on enjoying time with all the DCs closer to the time. And you also have time now to prep things for that time - buy decorations to be able to make and ice cookies, cut up strips of paper for younger DCs at least to make paper chains, find mad colours and maybe some gems or bits for the older DDs to do festive nail art together, check out reviews to find good Netflix or Amazon festive movies to watch together etc...

And I find that music really helps me to recover my spirit. I start off with choral and orchestral music, which can be more melancholy and let out any glums, and move through country to pick up a bit of a happier vibe up to the more traditional "Christmas Hits" (Last Christmas, Fairytale of New York, It's Christmas, ....the radio playlists). And sometimes, you do have to fake it til you make it - but usually, like the song says, "the result of this deception, is very strange to tell, but when I fool the people I meet, I fool myself as well".....