Reducing the haul for adult kids - WHen?

[Hattifattner]

Ive always spent the same on each of the kids. This has continued while DD is in uni, and now DS is 18 and working, I think its time to start reducing the amount we spend to a reasonable level. I dont want them to expect 50 presents under the tree when they are 40!!

Both adult children also have birthdays just before christmas (bad planning).

At what point would you start reducing the spend for adult children?

At some point, should it reduce down to sensible 2-3 presents each?

To complicate, we have 2 x 15yos as well, so there will be inequality.

Maybe age 21 if they are past 18 already? Yes, there will be inequality under the tree but your older children have had their years of lots of gifts and if you cut down at the same age for them all then it’s fair overall.

We did it when DS was 12.by talking about finances with him.
at 13 he requested a "£20" Christmas.
This year it is a "one gift" Christmas

Tbh you should do it now.

How much would you normally spend on each person?

Is this out of financial necessity or just because you should? I don't think you should reduce the 18 year olds haul yet if older sibling has had additional years of gifts. My mum and dad only reduced it last year we are 40, 34 and 32 lol!!

Mine will start getting reduced at 16. They've already been warned (they're currently 15 and 13). It's family 'tradition' that aunts and uncles stop buying at that age too.

We'll certainly reduce the volume as they get older, definitely by the time they're teens which of course tends to coincide with their interest in higher cost items . I don't intend "matching" the number of gifts for teens with the pile they have as children. If they're getting something like an iPad, expensive phone or games console then that will be pretty much it other than some smellies and pjs! That's something we will be making sure they understand once they're past the Santa and toys stage.

When they're adults we won't be spending anything like as much and imo gift giving between adult dc and their parents should really be a more "equal" thing. I would have been a bit mortified in my late teens or beyond to be presented with a big pile to open, as though I were a small child. Likewise I wouldn't expect my DPs to spend hundreds on me as an adult, whether on one or multiple gifts.

This year we're reducing in terms of volume for dd2 because she wants an i-pad - she 'knows' she isn't getting one and doesn't really want/need anything at all (except some beef jerky and some socks, apparently!) but actually we are going to get one as we're no longer paying student rent for either of them.

DD1 hasn't asked for much other than a few 'bits' like a lipstick and a water bottle. I've got her a couple of other things, but it comes to about £100 so nothing like i-pad £££. So I think I'm going to get her a 'nice' bag and a spa day, maybe.

This is likely to be a one off and next year we'll probably go down to just a couple of things up to about £100 or so.

18 is only just an adult tbf. Surely there's middle ground between 50 gifts and 2. Fair enough to start cutting back for all of them but I'd do it over a couple of years.

Fwiw my mum still sends me my stocking in the post every year and I'm 35. I have to return the stocking when we visit so she can have it ready to fill next year. It'll have chocolate coins, new toothbrush, smelly stuff, make up and socks. Maybe a surprise or two. Nothing massively expensive but she likes shopping and wrapping and packing it all up. Again, I'm 35. I plan to smother my children in festive love until the day I die.

Thank you.

I usually get the kids 5-10 presents, some cost as little as £3, others are more expensive - in the past, phones and laptops. These have been needed for Uni, however.

We would normally spend around £300 on an under 18, DD had hers extended because she was at uni, and the other 3 were all getting a lot.

I think dropping things down to £100 for over 18s seems sensible, especially as they are working or at least have a regular income.

I'm not sure it should ever be a 'haul' but that's personal I guess.

I spend around £100 on my daughter who is nearly 15 and have consistently done this and will continue this when she's an adult.

As children from a pretty young age we spent our pocket money going shopping for Christmas presents for the grown-ups, and it progressed from the £1-2 spend upwards as we got more earning power as teens, so that by the time we were at university or first jobs we could afford ‘proper’ presents. At the same time our parents gradually scaled down the gifts in monetary value/volume until it all balanced out pretty equally. Now as adults they probably still spend more because they buy for their grandchildren too, but there was never a cliff-edge cut off age, it evolved into reciprocal giving. Do your DC buy for you? If not perhaps 21 is the age that an adult Secret Santa could start?

Fwiw my mum still sends me my stocking in the post every year and I'm 35

See I think that's really sweet, a lovely gesture that brings back happy memories of childhood Christmases, but it's very different from a high cost gift "pile" or toting up whether I've spent enough on adult (or almost adult) dc.

By the time we were in our teens we were obviously aware that Christmas was an expensive time, paid for by our parents and not a fat bloke in a red suit. We just wouldn't have expected them to match the number of presents we got from Santa as children or to spend X amount on us. Yes, sometimes we were lucky enough to get an expensive gift we really wanted (CD Walkman anyone? ) but we didn't expect more or use the price of that as a measure of what we might have spent on us the next year.

To be fair I expect Ops and most other dc of that age probably would fully understand that things change as they head towards adulthood. I think a lot of the time we parents worry unnecessarily about dc being disappointed and put pressure on ourselves.