Am I being Uncharitable?

[BaconAndAvocado]

Long story short......

Every christmas me and DH take it in turns with his sister and her DH to have his mum for the day and then alternate with Boxing Day so she gets to see both families on either christmas or Boxing Day.

However, this year DH's sister is going through a break up and I said to her that she was welcome to come round with her DCs on Christmas Day if she was stuck.

I don't think she and her soon to be ex-husband have discussed the arrangements for spending time with their DCs over christmas.

Somehow, MIL has got it into her head that she (MIL and possibly SIL and her DCs) will be spending both Christmas and Boxing day at our house.

Incidentally, on Boxing Day DH will possibly be taking the children to a basketball match and they won't even be here.

How do I word it, without sounding selfish, that I just want to spend Christmas Day at my parents?

MIL has a big house.... I don't understand why she won't have her daughter and DCs at her house for one of the days!

Me and MIL get on okaaaaay but she can grate on me after a while and she can be a bit ungracious.

I've read this several times and I'm still confused. You invited your SIL for Xmas day but now want to go to your parents? You normally have MIL there either Christmas or Boxing Day, but you don't want her there Christmas Day this year and you've got other plans for Boxing Day. Was it your year for Boxing Day this year? If so I can understand why they think they're invited for both.

Regardless, best tell them sooner rather than later. Just apologise for any confusion and explain that you have plans.

I think OP has MIL one day and her parents the other
So SIL would have MIL one day and see her parents the other

But this year OP has invited SIL as well as MIL for xmas day and wants to still see her parents Boxing Day - however MIL assumes as she usually see she SIL one day and OP the other day that there is no reason why MIL can't see them both for 2 days

OP tell her you are busy Boxing Day with your familly - that's only fair - and yes SIL and MIL can have their day together on Boxing Day at MIL house

I’m a bit lost aswel!

Who do you want where and when?

So your parents won't get to see your kids on Boxing Day as DH is taking them to a Basketball match?

You invited your SIL to your house for Christmas Day, but you now want to go to your mother's instead?!

Greentulips it's exactly as you've put it!

Sorry to sound confused. I've been worrying about it al day and have a bit of a headache .

Emotionally my brother lives abroad so my parents get to see me and kids both days.

In my head I was thinking that all the family would be at ours on Christmas Day because of the bloody basketball on Boxing Day.

Morello what I'd like to happen is that my parents, DH's mum and sister and her DCs come to,ours in Christmas Day and then DH's mum and SIL do something ON THEIR OWN an Boxing Day. Bearing in mind DH isn't even going to be here.

No, Sassi SIL and MIL were always going to come to to,ours for Christmas Day.

So far, your MiL is mistaken about Boxing Day - isn’t this simple to fix along the lines that most of the family will be out on Boxing Day?

Yes imummy I guess that's a very good point!

Yes, just say to them that it will be so nice to have everyone together on Christmas Day, that you are looking forward to it and this is the menu etc. Then ask MIL what her and SIL have planned for Bixingdag this year, while DH is at basketball and you are [insert anything you like here]

Bixingdag

It’s an awkward one. You want your mil and sil to leave your house on Boxing Day but you can’t decently throw them out.

This is exactly the kind of pickle I’d get into with my mil that could easily be solved if I could just blurt out “what? Boxing Day? No just Christmas Day!” at the start, but instead of saying the obvious, I don’t say anything until it’s too late and really awkward.

Obviously haven’t been in this particular situation but managed something similar.

Could you just say that you’re going somewhere on Boxing Day?

Just tell/ask Mil you are all out boxingday and what is she going to do? Make up a prior arrangement with friends.
(Bixingdag? Wtf that's not even a word to 'correct' to!)

Yeah I’d totally have made plans to hit Boxing Day sales with a friend if the rest were out - of course you have Boxing Day plans!

Thanks all for great advice (as usual)

Now I just need to grow a pair and make the call!

This isn't a problem. Just say/ text "dh told me you suggested coming here for boxing day in addition to Christmas day. Unfortunately that wont be possible. Dh is taking the dc to basketball and im out with my family. "

End of story. Dont feel guilty.

How do I word it, without sounding selfish, that I just want to spend Christmas Day at my parents?

So you meant Boxing Day, not Christmas Day? I think this quote from your first post caused the confusion! Agree with PP to tell your MIL that you are out for Boxing Day in that case.

Zen
Thanks that's just what I needed to hear

I will phone her soon.....!

Spoke to MIL last night.

There was a bit of a pause when I told her that I'd be spending Boxing Day elsewhere but I didn't cave in. I quite surprised myself!