Explaining Christmas - non religious, Santa myth

[Serendipper]

My little one is only 9 months so not an issue this year but I’m interested in alternative view points and how people explain Christmas especially if they aren’t religious. I’m also uncomfortable with lying to my son about Santa and remember finding out he wasn’t real and being really embarrassed about my foolishness believing. My husband thinks it’s cruel to deprive him of the magic of Santa but I’m interested in hearing how other handle the subject and finding a comfortable halfway point. If anyone knows of any alternative Christmas books as well that would be amazing!

I don't know why people equate Santa with 'lying'. You are not trying to deceive or trick him for malice. Look at it as an age appropriate myth. Most children come to their own realisation about Santa - mine included questioning why Santa uses the same wrapping as we bought in IKEA. Its a shame you had a trauma finding out but I agree with you DH it would be a shame to deprive him.

With the religoius aspect, we explained it as the origins of Christmas are based on a particular story and some people still believe in it but we don't. I still enjoyed seeing them in the nativity plays and the carol service. And although we are not religious, Christmas is still a lovely time to remember others, keep up age old traditions and spend time with families.

Sorry, I agree with your husband. I understand finding out is a bad memory for you but I know personally the most magical Christmas memories are the ones I really believed (and now again as my children believe). All the kids at my daughter's school (6) are now talking about what they're asking Santa for, you have to consider how your little one would feel excluded from things like this.
When she starts asking her first questions about Santa being real we will approach it gently. If she wants to still believe we will use the "what do you think?" way. If she really does know then we'll tell her how grown up she is getting and now she gets to be a part of making the magic for all the little ones.
The religious aspect we handle much like KC225 above. School have introduced the idea of religion and we have backed it up with "some people believe but we don't". We still partake in nativity and singing some hymns we enjoy.

I think you need to personally figure out what Christmas means to you because once you know that, the explanations will fall into place.

Lots of cultures celebrate a mid winter festival. Dec 21st or thereabouts is the shortest day of the year, or the day when light begins to triumph over darkness again. The Christian version is only one version of the story. Because of my experience of depression, I really take comfort in the idea that when things are darkest and at their lowest ebb, we can look forward to better times. To me Christmas is a celebration of light and hope.

I try and resist the consumerism and excess (not always successfully) but I think the giving of gifts and hospitality are very important. I encourage the dc to make gifts so that it’s not just about receiving.

I think Santa teaches children about selfless giving, patient anticipation, and kindness. I don’t believe in the whole naughty/nice message but I’ve always linked kindness with Christmas magic because to me they are the same thing. The magic doesn’t have to end when they find out that parents are Santa - they become guardians of the magic and magic makers themselves.

Everyone celebrates Christmas in their own way. You just have to figure out what your way is and what values you want to pass on, if that makes sense.

Alanamackree that is a great post.

We've never 'done' santa (as in the kids getting presents from him) with our kids. I didn't as a child either and don't feel anyone's particularly missing out.

I told my children the story of St Nicholas (summary here) to explain where the tradition of anonymous gift giving comes from. I don't know if that comes under the heading of 'religious' for you.

The only thing to be careful of if you don't do Santa with your kids is to make sure that they don't spoil it for other children they know who do believe. I've always been clear with mine that it's like a game - they don't have to join in but if other families play the Santa game it would be very unkind to tell them that Santa isn't real and spoil it.

You will get loads of people telling you that your children would be really missing out if you don't do santa but that's not my experience. Christmas is 'magical' for lots of reasons.

We tell the dc that everyone plays a fun game and pretends santa's real, but actually it's just mum and dad. So when the stocking turns up christmas morning and the kids ask where it's from we tell them 'santa' with a wink.

There's no getting away from the fact that Christmas has its roots in a religious belief.We always told our children that people bought most of the gifts, and Santa delivered them. That way our children knew to thank, Nanny and aunties etc..

When DS was starting secondary school, I felt I needed to tell him that Santa wasn't real, his response was lovely, he said it's OK if Santa isn't real, but wanted assurances that the spirit of Christmas is real; it is that which I remember each and every Christmas; it isn't the gifts we get, but the way we treat people.

Aww christmas is a magic time with santa ,we are lucky to have that magic with our children as many children dont get that ,i agree with your husband. It isnt lies its just what we do for our children to make the magic for them, also teaches them about giving to others x

We just told our kids 'Some people believe this but we don't' for the religious aspects. We are Jewish and Hannukah is the festival of lights. And our trees have lights so it works. As for Santa. I believed until I was 12 (My grandmother is a very Irish lady who taught us all fairy folk were real so I just assumed Santa was too) I don't remember being particularly upset or angry or even foolish when I found out he wasn't real. I remember being told 'St Nikolas's Spirit lives in us all' and that was about it. Then it was fun to pretend he was real for the magic.

How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real OP? I think the older you go, the worse it is - there's an interval when they're about 4/5/6, depending on the kid, when they move from magical thinking to I guess what you'd call materialistic reasoning (i.e. philosophically materialistic, believing that only the physical world is real - not materialistic in the sense of wanting more presents although that's probably true too ) when it becomes proper lying to keep maintaining that Santa is real. I think you have to catch that point in time - as KC225 said, when you start getting pointed questions about wrapping paper and how does he get down the chimney when you've got a wood burning stove and things like that, that's the point to tell them the truth. I think it's the same with the Jesus stuff actually, or it was for us - we live in a country where most of the early years education is provided by church kindergartens and so the kids got a dose of Jesus and praying early on. Introducing the subtlety that Jesus was real, but he was probably just a nice man and not the actual son of God, just sort of came naturally at about 5 and a half. Before that I'm not sure they put Jesus or Santa in a different mental category to Cinderella and Rapunzel.

I agree with Alanamackree: I see Christmas very much as a midwinter festival, the triumph of light and love (and feasting and celebration!) over the dark and cold. And Easter as a celebration of spring and rebirth.

Santa is a whole heap of fun for little kids. DH ruined the carpet by treading fake footprints into icing sugar. Carrots, sherry, mince pie by the fireplace. Searching the sky for reindeers and sleighs. Jingling little bells outside when they're in bed then saying you didn't hear anything.

School will unavoidably do all the Jesus stuff from age 4, nativity plays, blah blah. I'd say don't worry about it!

I really like Dale McGowan's approach to this - essentially do santa in a light touch way and let them work it out for themselves. When they're ready to know they'll ask a direct question which you then answer truthfully and congratulate them for finding it out. I love his stories about how his kids went through this; parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/ho-ho-ho-no-mo/

Your DCs will probably also be told stories and learn about festivals from other religions too, and at primary age they will try them out, from a "some people believe this" viewpoint.

Alanamackree has it spot on for me.

We've "done Santa" with the DC and to be honest I'm not worried about having to tell the DC how it really works because we've never been totally rigid with it - they know that we buy presents for other people, and that they get presents from their grandparents etc. I've said before "well we still have to pay for Christmas so you're not getting " and "Santa doesn't bring things that are alive or blow up".

My parents never sat me down and told me he wasn't real, I think from when I was 7 I knew the truth - just from the little inconsistencies, playground talk and having a sense of logic (especially because the Tooth Fairy was very quickly debunked in my class at school, but people still said to their parents about the TF so they'd get money for their teeth!) - and for a few years I made it my mission to try and see if I could find my mum's hiding places . It honestly didn't change a thing about how I felt about the season. I still had the same anticipation and feeling of the magic - we still did all the same things, and my mum still asks me what I'd like from Santa (and then in the next conversation tells me what she's bought for my sister ). The presents at my mum and dad's house still appear from their hiding places overnight on Christmas Eve. From what DH has said, his family went the same way. I think that's how it will go here for the DC. They'll gradually figure it out, and then they become more involved in creating/sustaining the magic of the season for the people around them.

I'm sorry but children are only young once !!! they aren't stupid and start to realize as they get older that he's not real. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't do Santa it's a magical time for children

You realise that in school and nursery they will tell them Santa is real as will mostly every adult they come into contact with . A bit like how they teach religion as fact .

You realise that in school and nursery they will tell them Santa is real

And they will also tell them that if they are bad they won't get presents.
TBH it is fairly unlikely that school or nursery will directly tell them - but randoms in the street/at the bus stop/at the doctor's surgery will tell them AND so will all their friends at school.

And you will end up with a very anxious child if your child has tendencies to that.