Feeling deflated about Christmas this year!

[Luki]

More of a moan than anything else really

I've been excited about this coming Christmas since about August! Our first Christmas (mine and DPs) after a particularly traumatic period in our lives and I've been getting myself all excited.

Bought the GH Christmas magazine, have been making jams/chutneys/cakes. Bought new Christmas decorations. Stocking up on the Baileys and wine! Had all these plans in my mind of a Christmas Day cooking and baking and getting merry off wine in our fantastically decorated poncetastic home.
We had invited in-laws to ours they said they would get back to us.

Well, now they have got back to us. MIL's sister and family want to come up from Wales to visit at Christmas time so it's been decided that Christmas will be hosted at the inlaws. DP and I are expected to have been asked to come. I am devastated.

This means no bucks fizz breakfast on Christmas morning, having to actually get dressed!!!, no merrily singing Christmas songs as I bounce around the kitchen getting things ready, no Christmas movies!! (MIL hates movies and certainly wouldn't put one on for the rest of us), and having to stay totally sober due to needing to drive back home! They live 15 miles away and I did debate getting a taxi home but we will have DDog with us so that might be problematic. No room for us to stay with sister&co staying.

DP wouldn't be particularly impressed if I suggested staying home just the two of us. But he won't be the one staying sober on such a merry day!! God, I sound like a right alcoholic, don't I??

Sorry for the rant, I'm just proper gutted! Does anyone want to cheer me up by giving me the positives of not being host??

Also means there is actually no point in getting my home all poncetastic because nobody will be there to see it or appreciate it!! Waaaaah.

Why won't be be staying sober? Can't he drive and you drunk?

Suggests to dp you had an early morning surprise in mind to start your special Christmas day - guess it's off the cards now......

If you go to mil you set the precedence for yearly Christmass at hers.

Can he not drive then? We flip a coin for driving on such occasions.

The only person likely to see my Poncetasticness is the cleaner. Doesn't stop me

Why do you have to stay sober? And why do you have to go?

If he wants you to go, he is designated driver

Firstly decorate for yourself. I would have Christmas at home with DP/Dog and go to Mils for Boxing day - Job done

He drives or you stay at home. Deal done. I think if you really have to spend Christmas day with the in laws then half cut is the only way to do it!

I wouldn't go, sounds bloody miserable

Don't do it. Say you're having Christmas day at home and visit them Boxing Day. This is what we did with the inlaws. Husband now prefers it and is relieved we don't have to spend the day driving about with the kids. It's easy to get stuck in these habits. I don't mind taking the blame for being "miserable" if it means we get the Christmas we want.

However if there is absolutely no way of getting out of it, I agree you should make DP drive.

Look on air bnb. There may be a cheap room walking distance from your il.

Get house jazzed up and have Christmas party for your friends the week before.

Huge sympathy OP. Similarly we can host or visit but DH is constitutionally incapable of comprehending a Christmas by ourselves It’s awful when you’re looking forward to something and it gets yanked away.

If there is no way of getting out of it or moving it to Boxing Day, couldn’t you just go for the morning/lunch? That way they would be happy as would your dh, and you could be home by mid afternoon to do whatever you want - and you can both drink loads 🍷

Say that you will see them on Boxing Day instead, as you want to have Christmas Day at home. Really, why should you change all your plans?

He can drive but it's been his tradition to go to the pub with his dad and brother on Christmas Day on the years we've been there. We've hosted 3 out of the 5 Christmases we've lived here and could have easily housed MILs sister but she's insisting on doing it this year.

I wouldn't feel right the two of us staying home. We have no DC yet and DP doesn't see his aunt and uncle much so there's no excuse really for not going.

You don't have to do any of this if you don't want to. Stop enabling your dp to be a selfish arse - his 'traditions' do not outweigh your wishes, you know. There has to be give and take and both partners are entitled to enjoy Christmas.
So if you agree to go to his parents, he dhould stay sober and drive.
Or you could just tell your dp that you'll go for lunch only but want the morning at home. Or not go at all!
If you act like a wet blanket now, you will never get the Christmas you want. And if you want your dp to not take you for granted, you have to start treating yourself as equally important.

I feel your sadness BUT You can do both - just do your perfect christmas day a couple of days in advance (on your own or invite someone - I would definitely come, sounds great).

Who said he can’t go to the pub with his family? He’ll have to have a coke!

He can go to the coke and stick to a coke,it's the price he pays for being the driver & seeing family. Can you host boxing day tea/buffet for the in-laws so you get to show off your fabulously decorated house?

He can go to the pub not the coke ffs!

Can you not just have something poncetasic on Boxing Day. Invite everyone round you yours if you're wanting to entertain, or have BD just the 2 of you with all the booze/crap films & Christmas music you like.

Yep enjoy boxing day with friends, or if you are feeling brave, have friends round on xmas day. We alternated xmas with family until we found the young kids did not want to go out and leave their presents at home, from then on it was our house or stay away.

Have I got it wrong?

You don't Ponce for other people, you Ponce for yourself. Noone else really notices!

I'm with posters who are saying that if dh wants to go then he is designated driver however I have a better idea. My daughter dh 2 kids and dog come to us. Her choice. Chilled morning with the kids at home. Champagne on arrival ...for both...lovely lunch with plenty of wine ...for both ...coffee with baileys ext ext ext for both...without taxi being too expensive.
How??? They drive here in own car. Have great day. Dog stays with us overnight. Her dad takes dog home next day and brings daughter back to collect her car so taxi only one way. Our treat. Even if not our treat daughter says much cheaper than xmas at home and no stress.
If they are going to the other side on boxing day we just keep the dog until the day after.

Some taxi firms take dogs. I think you should possibly hint to the inlaws for cost of taxi one way. Also depends of course on how great the day is that in laws provide.

I think that u will have a lovely day even with no drink ,being with all that family should be a really nice family time, even tho u did want it in your place how about u do a boxing day thing just u & him and do the things u were going to do xmas day on that day instead or any other day u think it may work ,even before xmas.u can have 2 special days x